I really did care man,
You know,
I have to blow it,
Time and again,
I get hit all at once man.
And itx Frustrating.........
Therex too many stonex that were thrown,
And they all need to be r3turned,
If they haven't already man,
I wish I had a helping hand.
One that wasn't there
To steal and condemn,
A real hand.
Just once man ...........

Positioned
in prime position,
I remenice of,
A day when,
I could just ... Get on with it.
Simply a dream.
But I'm inspired
To keep on fighting.
Till I'm
Reminiscent,
of ..... Better thingx.
Like ... ... ... ... ... Anything other then the last nightmares I lived with.
... ... ... ... ...
Crimson Tidex Cross my mind,
But my life is timeless,
One day ... ... ... ... ... far from now,
I'll get my chance to start.
But ... ... ... Before that happenx,
I have to tear some
worldx ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Apart.

A formidable war,
Waged to control and contain,
To enslave and enrage.
Engaged.
xxxxxx
Never ending,
No peace allowed,
This is how ..... To destroy and control.
Puppets to a show,
Lambz to the slaughter.
Never again will they ..
.
Be safe.
They made their bedz ..... To lay.
Funny how timez ..... Stay the same.
Itz up and away??
No.
Remain caged.
Into the ring.
Until I conform again,
To their ..... Agenda?
No .....
I'll throw them all in the blender.
Well ..... I ..... Already Did.
They'll never see their ..... Actions,
Until it smashes them.
Scrambles for ..... Everything.
You'll end up with .....
.


..
.
Nothing in the end.
.....
.....
.....
.



.

Not much to write of anymore,
Doorx keep being slammed ......
One by one man ....... I'm a happy man,
Knowing,
Thix is it for life.
Just a quick ride,
Hospitals,
Cross Roadx,
Crossed,
Hit by a truck .........
I'm hoping ....
Lifex better next round,
This one smacked me down.
Still unsure,
What for.
**** hey.
Not my problem,
What happenx in my kidx lives,
They are gone for life.
I'm not hanging back till 65 to see if they feel like talking to me.
Therex WAY to much history.
None of it good.
All **** relationships,
Where I was the worker and house *****,
******* givex me the shitz,
These mother fuckerz wanted to play ****, think I would pay man.
**** that ..... I already owned that.
I set it FREE, thatx
what they wanted C,
But ...... Itx hard not being a one woman show.
......
......
Meh ........... Thatz how it goex.

Getting ready to end your life,
Ain't an easy task.
Everything has to be finalised.
Therex no room for errorx,
There needx to be finalisationx,
Ticks, dotx, T's crossed.
Importantly,
There is no room for a mistake,
Been there, done that.
Wasted my time away,
Day after day ....
**** the government man,
And **** the cuntx who kept my kidx from me .... Hit me harder please.
You ain't taken enough from me.
I have to be happy,
With nothing man.
So hit me as hard as you can.
Hold up ..... The exz and their possiex did a good enough J.O.B.
I can't even enjoy the simple thingx.
**** man.

Chomped Down
Hard man,
Timex change,
And I'm cut to pieces.
Time and again.
Its ******* funny,
How people
With their .......................
Gamex ....... Think that they could control me man.
But I'm cut off and jammed for all time now man.
Thatx it then....
Please God let the time pass quickly,
So I can get up again.
This is the most difficult time I've ever had. .... I was so close too.
To achieving something again.
Never again though man.

Crossed Eyex and I'm
Riding high,
No food for a few dayx,
Why?
I'm tied down hard,
Pushing corridors,
To avoid warx,
And keep my
H.E.A.D.
Down.
Waiting the clock down,
Count down.
Face up my handx dealt,
Townx end,
I'm fortune,
To have NO friendx,
Never Again I say man.
**** ..... With the friendx I've had,
I don't need enemies man.
****.
There must be a place thatx got better committed peoplez,
That are EVIL .... And I think to myself,
**** man .... This is way too hard,
Doing on my OWN . Ain't an easy road,
I slow right down again.
Think ..... this is wonderful man,
I have plenty of time to do nothing,
With so much surveillance.
I STILL .    ...     . have no idea why?
Spiex?      Why?     Why so many???
Therez plenty of thingz people could do other than checking on me and what the **** I be doing .....
..... Therex plenty to do,
Without theivex, ratx and snitchex,
******* up my existence.
Bitchex .. Nothing better to do?????
Whoa.
I ain't never seen this **** in my life man. .... . I still wonder what the **** is wrong with people.
And why me.

Bells ring in as,
I wake them,
Fate has,
No meaning,
Seething,
Writhing,
Tossing,
Turning,
They will burn and,
Die.
I asked .. "why"?
" Because we can",
Came the reply.
"There must be a way,"
I thought to myself,
.. ..... .. ..... ..
There's nothing,
No,
Not at all.
They came to destroy,
That Is .. .. .. All.
That's .. .. ..
All they know,
What to do,
Decades past,
But I knew.
They .. .. .. wanted to,
That's the answer,
No substitute,
For the disaster,
They didn't my life .. .. ..
After All.
They wanted my death,
So they could applaud.
..
So they could applaud.
..
Everything is gone ..
And I have to accept my fate.
Not a single friend,
The world .. ..
So full,
of hate.
..
..
So full
of hate .. .. Control,
Was their .. .. .
Option,
Control,
The only plan
Great pride,
In knowing.
I had .. no where.
I've never known,
Evil this
tenacious,
Before.
I realised,
That .. .. ..
The pain in my brain,
Came .. .. .. .. .. back.
It came back .. .. .. ..
I don't know why,
Death, Was to be my fate,
But no more tears are left.
.
The strength .. .. .. .. ..
To end my life .. .. .. ...
Is all I need.
I fought my best,
But this .. ..
Is the destiny,
Cast down on me.
..
I asked Pavati,
What did she need ?
For me to die,
Most,
Definitely.
Definitely.
A Definition of war vs peace.
I chose the later,
But the former,
Was the world's need.
From me,
Taken .. ..
Every piece of life.
Just so that they
could say,
"It was us",
"We made him die".
The hard work that went into it,
I never knew it,
There was so much systematic,
*******,
But in the end,
I'll take their souls with me.
..
Turns out,
The cause of evil,
Really simply put,
.
Is Greed

On the pavement,
I was waiting,
For that moment,
To arrive,
The day I die,
Its all over,
I found moreover,
Why.
It was the sever,
From my children,
That kept me spinning,
Straight down,
Was In that moment,
Speaking to them,
That I Realised.
Can it mend now?
Time will tell how,
If the fracture,
Will ever mend,
In the beginning,
At the birth I,
Never thought it,
Would ever end.
I realise now I must keep going,
Days of sorrow,
Fall behind,
I found the reason,
To keep going,
I found the reason,
Of my life.
Bitter hatred,
Tore them from me,
Bitter hatred,
Held me down,
It was for nothing,
Yet for someone,
My connection to them,
Had to end.
I realised after I was talking,
I went to walking of my fears,
Bitter tears that I had cried,
All fell on deaf ears.

With tremendous
Vigour,
I plan for winter,
The longest in my life.
Fate folded on me,
Shut me from the light.
I wake each morning,
To begin a new day's fight,
Try I must,
Try I might.
Suicide does cross my mind,
I find some days are tough,
Needled with a poison,
That crushes all my ******.
They try to **** me,
Keep me down,
Spreading lies and,
Casting frowns.
My life as is,
A total let down,
Fighting me they must.
Trapped in darkness,
My throat they cut.
I pleaded why,
They have to try,
To destroy that's all of me,
They don't mind,
It is their job,
The government
does hate me.

New days on the horizon,
The time when nothing,
Took control,
Was it just a passing phase?
Sublime,
Memories unfold,
I took the wrong turn I fear,
Where my life,
Steers from here,
Surrounded by an
atmosphere,
Inherently grey,
The guess ain't mine,
Entwined epitaphs,
To a beginning and an end.
My friends,
I cried much too long,
And sang those songs of sorrow,
New Seeds are planted now,
But don't forget to water,
I wonder where my daughter is today?
Pushing back on in from the frey I found,
With life upside down,
Gets harder every day,
The frey can have a mighty hold,
And not let go,
But here I stand.
Lamented,
Now a new man.