I'm gonna tell a secret
for all we know, a lie,
I'm sure you're sure to keep it
cause no one else cares why.

We potted wild ivy
and left it sittin' out
the roots we hardly watered
and in spite of years of draught

it climbed upon my outer wall
and once over the sill
the ivy grew into my heart
it's growin' wild still.

time has past us by my friend
like Ivy up a wall,
a vine of green on everything
which feeds it's will to crawl

Now don't be making promises
let's keep it on the low
We never said "forever"
and none will ever know

and  just like wild Ivy
I wish it weren't true
love doesn't need much love to feed
upon a heart that's through

Clipping back the foliage
that's crowding out my brain
the roots embedded deeply
are really quite a pain

The leaves obscure my sunshine
and cloud my vison too
to think our lives could pass us by
without a word from you.

This love's not one to keep in touch
no social butterfly
but tend to take it day to day
it's plans made on the fly

I let the wild ivy in
it's just a simple vine
low maintanance and oxygen
I thought we'd be just fine.

But truth be told
this green ain't gold
and bricks beneath are tired
the mortar's cracked from roots which hacked
and into crevice wired.

I'd never believed
weeda lasted this long
without a word from you
it's time to cut the Ivy back
and let the truth be true.

I'm keepin' all these things inside
yet saying so, guess I can't hide
but you don't really need to know
so what's to talk about?

It's early to bed and early to rise
and what I keep back, well that's no big surprise
just one less thing I'm offering
the world to have to think about

and better for you that I've saved you the time
and kept 'em as drafts 'cause they're privately mine
I'm not always open though often I find
in my heart that I'm secretly smitten

but who really cares what I've got on my plate
and whose-it said what about whats-her-name's mate
and before I can write it, yesterday's news
and the views, none are wise that I've written

so I'll pick out a few since I can't take no mo
and read all you've got, like you're some kind of show
a daily soap opera I'd rather not miss
save the kiss and the bliss or be dissin

And though YouTube is boobery still I can choose
what I'd rather be hearing without any dues
if I need a good cry, I can tune into blues
and bawl my eyes out or just listen

Hang onto your hat, you can meet me for lunch
I'm easy, but don't getyour briefs in a bunch
it's true and I know that I rarely say much
but somehow I make myself clear

Just give me a call, you can drop me line
I'm better in person when feeling quite fine
my knickers are twisted, at times in a pinch,
I'm a ***** but I'll always be near

I'll wrap up this poem with a quaint little line
it's good to say nothin' with so little time
then maybe the words that I use though they rhyme
will be ones that your wanting to hear

or not.

Love is hairy, stubbly stuff
shave all week it's never enough
whether I shave it or slather on Nair
whack it or hack it will always be there.

Keeps coming back as much as you crop it
waxing and chemicals can’t even stop it
try to ignore it, the nubs comes in thick
even my eyebrows, a uni-brow chick.

Come Saturday I don’t really care
let it grow outta my underwear
Let it alone, that unruly mop
looks like I got me a nice bumper crop

This is my way, ain’t gonna change
my love and my hair are looking deranged
Sitting there pondering love and love's looks
flippin’ through Cosmo and metrosex books

Beauty is bare in my favorite rag
Nary a hairy or haggard old nag
Eyebrows are separate and carefully arched
Lips are injected and never seem parched.

Legs are **** smooth, and so are are the pits
Love is not given to hairy chick fits.
Speaking of nares, mine is exempt
The nose and the ears are extremely well kempt.

Sunday mornin’ rolls around
but his razor can’t be found....
I call out his name and wait for an answer
his ditty bag’s gone could It be that dancer?

The one that he watches the one he admires
could she be the one whose igniting his fires?
I’ve seen her there waiting the picture of grace
smooth, fair and agile not a hair out of place

I sit on the edge of the tub shocked and numb
look in the mirror then look at my thumb
I eye up the woman whose not spent a dime
on personal pleasures as though it’s a crime

My overgrown garden could not see the light
missed out on the sweetness, bare skin’s delight
Bought into myth and every girls hope
that she’d still be worth something without any soap.

Rummaged around in a drawer feeling sick
through my tears I lay hold of my old Lady Bic
Slipped into the shower convinced he despised me
lathered and cried, none of this has surprised me

He'd seemed a bit distant, preoccupied,
the more I persisted, the less satisfied
I should have considered my Love is not blind
his eyes are like sponges his vision will find

The best of the beauties the cream of the crop
as sweet sugar blossoms parade past his shop
I have an epiphany there in the suds
Time's never wasted on pruning the buds

Better to nip 'em if you're feelin manly
can't be mistaken for Charles or Stanley.
Lord knows the time I've put in at Curves
not that i see any good that it serves

So who really cares if he's after that minx
just between us we know how she stinks
Let him go sister try rising above
'cause if that's all he's after it ain't really love.

Making my plans to rip up his picture
wipe out his memory no longer a fixture
I can't say that I needed nor much that I cared
for the man or his ***** laundry I've aired

When into my steamy retreat disconcerted
the voice of the man I was sure had deserted.
I silence my heart and put down the Bic
ease back the curtain and see my St. Nick

The hairy faced heathen battered and worn
face kind of prickly needs to be shorn.
'What is THIS? 'he demands and holds out his hand
'Why, a worn out old mach 3, the triple edge brand! '

"I just CHANGED this blade and the thing's dull and rusted!"
"Heck if I know", but I know I’ve been busted.
Step out of the shower bare skin drippin' wet
'At this rate I think I’ll buy stock in Gillette.'

I hold out my Bic and smile at old Bones
"Would you like me to light your cigar, Mr. Jones?"
Leave him to his business, which won’t include the shave
Love is stubbly,love is soft and hairy to the grave.

I took a walk with Misery
we've been walking for a while
sometimes he says I go too slow
but I'll go that extra mile.

We don't say much and that's okay,
I'm not much one for talking
Silence makes good company
though some may find this shocking.

Well Misery's been up and down
these old familiar roads
prefers to walk with strangers now
who'll kick against the goads.

He's seen his share of Trouble
it invites him in for tea;
he walks the sullen pathway home
alongside Sympathy.

They take the train quite often
and meet up at the bars
Self Pity's always waiting
with her bottle, wounds and scars.

They buy a round and toast the clown
whose always got one-liners
to keep the crowd distracted
from the sad-sack whining piners.

Adversity can test your will
and take away your smile
you might meet up with Misery
and settle for a while,

to dwell upon the negative
will limit where you go~
and stuck inside, you'll just abide,
and surely miss the show.

Reflecting on old Misery,
I've often let him lead
through disappointments,
heartache,
and my own uncertain need.

I slow my pace and let him pass,
and turning up the sound
I bid farewell to Misery,
it's time to turn around

you are a
very
mysterious one
don't know if I can
ever
figure you out
you hold my thoughts
within the palm of your hand
I melt like chocolate
sweet old M'n Ms

you are a very
mysterious one
I've never
liked your type before
not one to jump
into anyone's arms
still this is something
you've softened up my core.

You say you
can see
inside my shell
that my sweetness
was the very key
You say I've no more
secrets to tell
'cause you've devoured them for me?

Well I'd never say that
you are The One
and I don't need to tell you
you'll always be free
no I won't allow
you  
under my skin
don't come any closer
but hey there again
that's
just me.

You are a
very
mysterious one
my coldness lies
in the palm
of your hands
you don't care
that I am
a mess
you like me
just like we're old friends
tee hee hee

You say you
see inside my shell
my sweetness
was the very key
that I have no secrets left to tell
'cause you've devoured them for me?

you are a
very mysterious one
no secrets
and making no demand
quite open
and always looking for fun
tomorrow
gonna change my
my candy brand.

you are a
very mysterious one

Not ever'body got a big house
not ever'body got an acre
not ever'body got a two story foyer
and a fancy staircase
Not ever'body got a new car
not ever'body need a two car
not ever'body got an S-U-V
don't know 'bout you, but me
we're livin' fancy free

We got our small house
we got our backyard
we got our big sky
so high
stars fly
we got our TV
it was a free-bee
we got our die-hard used car
and we don't drive far

not ever'body got a gold egg
not ever'body got a bootleg
not ever'body got a full keg, two leg or a peg to stand on
not ever'body got a washer
not ever'body got a dryer ....
not anybody gonna read this stuff and feel any higher...

just saying...