Blush sears up my neck
and onto my cheek bones as
I smile at you

watching you, just standing
there- as the world is
fitting into place around
you, a puzzle
for which
I am unfit,
the wrong shape
and you don't care

Not much compares to the beauty of a motorway

the perfect example that the most beautiful things can be the deadliest

To watch as my best friend disolves into tears
Because of you
To watch her hope and pray that you would still be there for her
To see her try to talk to you
To type messages to you to which you will never reply
To see her being there for you for months as you battled with yourself
To watch as you pushed her away
To accept your harsh words and say nothing as she was hurting so badly
But now, as you dance away into the sunset with someone else, I can not just sit back and watch you hurt her anymore because, as you know, this would break her and its not fair
You're a coward, that is all, a low life coward
And you leave me to pick up the shattered prices of someone you used to love
When you could have prevented it
And its not fair
But you are just a coward

the eyeless eyes following my outline
the fixed limbs moving in one form to create
an expressionless figure
and an expressionless mind

*just as I want to be

why, I wonder, have I become so fragile
when I used to be so strong

why, I wonder, do I see the world as if everyone is against me
when I can break through and see that they are not

why, I wonder, does my heart beat so fast and terror rushes through my veins for seemingly no reason at all
when there is nothing to be afraid of

why, I wonder, can I find so many flaws within myself
which were not there before

And with that I fell asleep

bodies bustling forth and back
shouting and laughing
eyes closed
letting the crowd keep you moving
every so often you will be lost
but good lost
and with the flashing lights
like a million pictures being taken in a row
everybody's form changes and distorts around me
strong arms and backs pushing me between them
no one really enjoying themselves
but just pretending to be happy

the feeling of my rib cage constricting, crushing, breaking under the strain of my heavy heartbeat and sharp breaths
constant constant fear, no, worry
I don't want it to break
but I am almost sure that I will