I realize now that we both meant well
We couldn't help the fact that our love,

Our Love,

fell down a hole to the black oblivion,
where it burned and disappeared forever.

It's true.
We both knew,
In out souls, and in our hearts, but our heads
Our brains were stuck in the routines, **** in there beds
of security.
Where no one, not even the person that kept telling me those vacant I Love yous
was worth loosing because for once,

For Once,

in my life I had felt secure, and at home, and not alone.
I couldn't see that through my songs, and rhymes, and lullabies
I was sending out a message.
A message that this was over, and we were done, and even though we had fake fun
we were acting.

We were good actors,

No one even knew that we were no longer the star crossed lovers, brought together by fate,
at a party, really, really late one night.
The couple that couldn't not touch when they were together
The couple that could flirt and laugh and play like no one else was in the room,
and the couple that said those three words with more heart, and truth, and vulnerability than anyone we had ever known,

Died a while back.

A good while back as a matter of fact,
but we kept acting.
Acting as though our lives depended on it.
Putting up with the opposites, and the arguments, and the annoyances ...

I can see that clearly now. I'm proud to know that I had found you and learned from you and taught you a little along the way. But for now I say good riddance, and good bye, to the fly on the wall
that I was always putting on a show for.
My wings are un tethered and I fly head strong into this whirlwind called life alone, strong, and more willing to love than ever before.

My stomach hurts,
My heads a mess.
I want to get out of this dress.
A bubble bath is what I need.
With the candles lit and the smells of sea weeds.
I can't believe I feel this way,
"I never get sick" I always say.
Well I'm eating my words,
It *****, alot.
I just wanna find my cot.
Good night world, I'll sleep it off.
and I close my eyes with one last cough.

Imagination:
Living in a dream come true
Your world come to life

stuck in The Real World:
confined by society
How do I escape...

I go outdoors and
close my eyes, take a deep breath,
and take it all in.

I close my wood door,
open up all of the curtains,
and lay on the floor.

Insert headphones,
run through the trees and flowers;
I swear that I fly.

Curl up with some tea,
open up a brand new book,
drift slowly away...

Turn on some music,
and dance around as I clean.
Happiness abound.

stuck in The Real World:
confined by yourself
find your own escape...

Imagination:
Living in a Dream come True
Your world come to life

December fifth twenty eleven
Hopeless
I don't know how I got this way
How I ended up so astray
The money's run out
The flowers all gone
I need to keep going strong

But it's hopeless
To be optimistic in a world
That tears you down
To Hop Heave Hurry Hurdle Hustle
my way through this ever turning playground

It's HOPELESS
I want to scream to the heavens.
Why persevere?

Because
If I don't, i fear
I'll loose myself.
Fall into the black oblivion
and lay in the laps of those who share that opinion.
That is not my Fate!

Hopeless.
I'm not.
I have the power to make myself better
Through any kind of weather
I push on.
I'm strong.
I'll end up where I belong.

Words no longer matter
The world no longer exists
only you and me
touching endlessly
loving without hinderance
only you and me
working for each other
cherishing every last minute
only you and me
melting into one
It’s a little too much fun
only you and me
cuddling so close
The movie playing softly
only you and me
slowly                 drift         away
content
with
being
with
you
only you and me.

I wish I knew a way to make it better,
but since I don't I'm writing you this letter.
I'm sorry I'm selfish and noncommittal.
My loving side is just oh so little.
I don't know what to do with the feelings I have.
I'm confused and upset and don't want to make you sad.
I wish I knew why I was having so much trouble.
Maybe I'm just scared I'll end up like a puddle.
I'll loose you and hurt and melt right away,
all because I just couldn't say
I love you, and mean it.

I'm sorry. I mm you. Forgive me. Good Night.

Space that you create.
Your room is your secret place.
No one can steal it.

You sleep, eat, breathe, live,
smile, cry, fight, laugh, sleep, give.
You design your space.

Clothes left on the floor.
Photos of friends on the wall.
***** dishes too.

But what happens next?
You pack up and leave that space.
College awaits you.

Someone new's there too.
Cramping on your life design.
No place for just you.

Renovate a bit.
Add in the new, perfect fit.
College is now home.

Home is a nice space.
Cement walls with stale white paint,
but home nonetheless.

A warm comfy bed.
Finally pursuing dreams.
Everything is right.

Now you have to leave.
Home number 1 is ahead.
The past awaits, right?

You walk right inside.
Hoping for the past again.
but the space is dead.

Another is there.
Your things in a closet box.
Everything is gone.

You do not belong.
No longer carefree and fun,
Curtains shade the sun.

A mattress pulled out,
you are now an intruder
in your sisters place.

Your things are scattered,
You are no longer needed,
and you are upset.

Family has moved on,
They no longer need you there.
It doesn't seem fair.

Home number two comes.
The drive is simple and sweet.
See, You've changed too.

You're greeted with love.
The smells and sounds of your space.
Everything is great.

It's hard to say how I feel these days
My words are lost in a jungle of confliction.
I go through the motions,
A kiss,to work,go eat,some sleep,and (repeat).
Walking in the same place, never moving forward.
The look in your eyes makes me want to believe that this is okay.
That I can be happy, and live this way forever.
But, I'm restless.
Unable to believe that this is all.
Unwilling to settle for where this path will lead.
March can not come soon enough.

Buggie
To my best bug, Buggie: (The following is a true story completely lived by myself) :

I found a bug in my garage and I named him Buggie. I loved him very much, although he had'n't any money. We laughed and played and sang and danced and everything was merry, But if I did not save him soon Buggie would be buried. I called my sister in to help. "Save my Buggie, Please!", I said She grabbed a piece of cardboard and smacked him on the head. I felt a tear fall from my eye as I saw him twitch and die. My Buggie was my only friend and so I had to cry. I stood there with my buggies life just hanging in my grip. He twitched his leg and then he left and a quiver found my lip. It's sad to see a Buggie go when you knew him only a minute or so. But minutes make up lifetimes, and so the story goes. Cherish the ones you love the most and never let them go.

I hate you.
I hate you for being okay
With making me feel this way.
I would rather take a beating
Than deal with this this way
Because that pain would be physical
The bruises would sting as a reminder that you had done this.
The cuts and gashes would scab and pull and cause me discomfort, but I could see them. I could find them and heal them in a weeks time.
But what I feel is deep inside an invisible knife is lodged in my heart and everytime I become numb to its pain it twists relentlessly, reminding me that no matter how much I tell myself it is going to be alright, your won’t be by my side.
I can’t pull it out. This knife in my life. I can’t retrieve it from the depths of this black abyss I’ve been sailing in. This will not heal in a weeks time. I can not watch as this wound gets better. I have to wait it out and hope that I am strong enough to pull myself through. With the knife still intact, as a reminder of you.

Nights of fun
Without the sun.
The snow that falls
like happy calls of excitement.
The moon light eliminating.
My world is mysterious.

It's too good to be true. So many skies of blue We are like two birds with the world for us to conquer. Our faith will be our shelter.

**** the world.

We are free, free to passion, love, and lust. Break us down if you feel you must. But to our souls you'll never go for your minds are     Way.     Too.      Slow.
You think of standards, food, and status. We think of art, influence, and madness, but you break us down just like a knife. I feel sorry you'll never know the way the world should really go. Open your eyes and breath it in. You won't just live a world of sin. Life is whatever you want to make it.

So embrace adventure, love, and live.

So close yet so far away. I wish that I could drive to you and that you'd let me stay. To be in your arms is something of a magic carpet ride. The way I feel about you I'll never be able to hide. Be as your from a different place, It makes it hard for me. Two weeks have gone since we have been able to just be. Late night conversations, and whispered texts of how we feel. These are the only ways I get to hold you near. But in nine days I won't delay I'll rush right to your side, and crawl under your covers where I'll finally be able to hide.

Dancing in my bathroom without a care in the world. The music playing as softly as the world its self would turn. I am alone, myself, with a mirror reflecting the truth. Why can't I be this person without this close-packed space. I wish I could show the world the beauty behind the face. I know I'm something special, as everyone seems to say, but why can't I just let go and always act this way.  Each arm is filled with passion, each foot with delicacy, my body bleeds of want, my face shows nothing but need. I'm eager for the coming move, and want to get it out. I am carefree, and daring, and filled with unwarranted clout.  I made a vow through the coming move, that I would finally let go. I want to be able to let the world see the true Siera show. As I come to first position, with my arms down by my side, I hit the light switch open the door and scurry out with pride. I finally know who I'm supposed to be. It is very cool to know. I walk right to my mother to tell her I'm ready to go.  She looks at me with a smile, and asks me what I want. Maybe I can take my vow and move it back a month.

Why?
I feel trapped.
lost in the emptiness of suspended time.
is that a crime?
I should force a move.
but Why?
Because I’m ready, ready to forget this place and move on.
Come on August 24th. Hurry Up.

To fall
To fight
To live a life with you by my side.


To work
To play
All just to hear you say "Your Beautiful".


To live
To learn
To kiss like it is our last night together.