I would walk the dark eternal
beneath the dimmest of stars
in the blackest of nights

if it meant I would never need to come home
to the chill of my empty bed
a forced hug, a stiff kiss
the doubts in my head
or the love from you that I seem to miss
so desperately
so dearly

I would let these streetlamps flicker
and fade
and I would welcome clouds bearing rain
come to help me hide my tears
in the new moon's light again

I make myself smaller yet.
so that I get lost in the sound
of the wind through the trees,
not again the phantom vibrations in my pocket,

but the promise and comfort
of sworn solitude
my loneliness
my broken heart and aching soul
buried on a rainy night,
here in the dark.

No matter how bad I wanted this to be
I’ll take it down from where it hangs
and leave it here to bleed
With sand in my heart
my feet in the sea
The storm arrives
and suddenly
I know it’s time to leave

The lighthouse keeps on beckoning as I cast off from the shore
Despite everything I had
I still got caught
I wanted more
And I tried to stay the winds
to stay the waves
to stay in your arms
But I found myself thrown in the current
We push farther apart

And it’s wrong, this song, this eulogy
Of bittersweet departure
The times we shared so late at night
I’d give it all to find you
But I’ve grown so tired
watching you and her along the shoreline
And now I’m soaked all through my clothes
to my bones
I’m out of time.

If only I had known you
Before I knew him.
If only I had known your skin
Maybe things wouldn't be this way,
I would not owe to life
Such bitter debt.

We could live together somewhere
In the city - you and I
Singers and painters and names
Not yet written down in the book of life
For such a life would we have to live!

We'd be those silly romantics -
The kind you see in sappy indie films
And the kind that people pluck guitar strings to.
The ones whose faces ache from smiling,
Whose lips and eyes are chapped by love.

Instead our lives are less saturated with love
Then they should be.
Hundreds upon hundreds of miles
Taking our breath away
With each and every word.

Breathlessly sleeping,
And endlessly awake.
I am so tired, I am so tired.

If only I could keep my mouth shut.
Keep my heart shut.
If only I had waited.
If only I had waited for you.

I wanted to make music
And I wanted to be a star
I wanted to be so far away from who you are
Dirtied by the masses
And scarred

Bitter taste
Plastic smile
Lead heart

Now I paint my face
To take off my skin
And bare the ***** within.

Life is short.  It is fast and unforgiving.  
And in the time that we are given
- the time we are allotted to spend here on this planet -
we don't ask nearly enough questions.

No, not "who where why when how".

Questions that matter.

Will it rain tomorrow?
What's your name?
The first two things I said to your face.

We were younger then, and I didn't know that in a month's time
I would be asking you much more important things.

Like your favourite colour.
The songs that lift your spirits.
If I could be someone, anyone, to you.

And now.
We are where we are.
You have become to much more to me than I had ever dreamed,
and, as you had told me, time and time again, I to you.

Life is short, so I want you to know that I love you.
I love you more than "I love you" could ever say.

Life is fast, and I want to make these memories
-however virtual and electronic they may be -
last.

And life, above all, is unforgiving.
I will never be able to tell you what I want you to know.

I'm not so sure anymore that I will do anything worthwhile with the time I am given.
After all...
What kind of time would I be spending without you?

So much writing.
So many words.
Enough to make my fingers burn.

I would set these sheets on fire
If it meant I could get you
To look at me
Hungry
And with desire.

When I hear the office women,
dressed up so pretty in their nice clothes
say that they are having a bad day -
I scowl.

Have you been crying quietly
at your desk
all day
too?

Do you mourn for the family that abandoned you?

Do you long for a safe space, a place to go to, to call home?

Has your lover forgotten how to love you?

Have you lost your peace -
Have you ever known peace -

Or, like me
are you conveniently
forgettable
expendable
and very much,
mostly unwanted?

You bury me
Beneath a mountain of bones
Your skeletons, tired of closets
Ripping the doors open
Longing to be free

And here I sit
Sipping silently
My blood and rage boiled over
In my heart, heavy with such woe
I will never be what you want
I will never be her, though

Crimson.
Ivory.
Charcoal.

Let me rip her apart for you
Let me tear her apart, my love
You want to know her every angle
Let me splinter her bones
May I?

Crimson.
Ivory.
Charcoal.

Let me cry to you of my failures
Let me sing to you of my hopes
You want me to know I'm not alone
Let me shred myself at the core
May I?

Crimson.
Ivory.
Charcoal.

You bury me.