I stand naked in front of the mirror
and burn myself at the stake
for every imperfection,
every little thing that I hate.
If I was a better witch,
you would only see pretty.

Not this tangled mess of hair,
matted from sleepless nights.
Nor the scars on my arms,
from generations of life-gone-wrong.
Not my imperfect skin, wrinkled and flawed
from years of stress and worry -
nor the extra pounds I seem to so effortlessly gain, and wear with such shame.

Shame, the same like the tears that run down my cheeks.
All these things I hate.
These things - this body
that does not fit me
that does not satisfy.

I would sell every piece of me
just to bewitch you.

It feels like an eternity
since the last time I tried to get you to talk.
I've stopped messaging you.
I don't bother trying to start
or hold
any conversation with you
anymore.

There is no point.
The words are empty,
but my heart is full.

So full it hurts.

I wonder, every second of every day
if you miss me
the way that I miss you.

Horribly.

Money can't buy you love,
but it can buy a smile.
That's about as good as it'll get
between you and I.

More than anything
I wish I had the strength
To rip my heart out
Throw it on the ground
And let it wither
And rot away to nothing.

My heart
And the amount of love I have
For you -
They have poisoned me.

They have turned me into a bitter,
Hateful,
Resentful,
Jealous person.

And I would rather my heart die
Than continue on this way.

If only I had known you
Before I knew him.
If only I had known your skin
Maybe things wouldn't be this way,
I would not owe to life
Such bitter debt.

We could live together somewhere
In the city - you and I
Singers and painters and names
Not yet written down in the book of life
For such a life would we have to live!

We'd be those silly romantics -
The kind you see in sappy indie films
And the kind that people pluck guitar strings to.
The ones whose faces ache from smiling,
Whose lips and eyes are chapped by love.

Instead our lives are less saturated with love
Then they should be.
Hundreds upon hundreds of miles
Taking our breath away
With each and every word.

Breathlessly sleeping,
And endlessly awake.
I am so tired, I am so tired.

If only I could keep my mouth shut.
Keep my heart shut.
If only I had waited.
If only I had waited for you.

I wanted to make music
And I wanted to be a star
I wanted to be so far away from who you are
Dirtied by the masses
And scarred

Bitter taste
Plastic smile
Lead heart

Now I paint my face
To take off my skin
And bare the ***** within.

Life is short.  It is fast and unforgiving.  
And in the time that we are given
- the time we are allotted to spend here on this planet -
we don't ask nearly enough questions.

No, not "who where why when how".

Questions that matter.

Will it rain tomorrow?
What's your name?
The first two things I said to your face.

We were younger then, and I didn't know that in a month's time
I would be asking you much more important things.

Like your favourite colour.
The songs that lift your spirits.
If I could be someone, anyone, to you.

And now.
We are where we are.
You have become to much more to me than I had ever dreamed,
and, as you had told me, time and time again, I to you.

Life is short, so I want you to know that I love you.
I love you more than "I love you" could ever say.

Life is fast, and I want to make these memories
-however virtual and electronic they may be -
last.

And life, above all, is unforgiving.
I will never be able to tell you what I want you to know.

I'm not so sure anymore that I will do anything worthwhile with the time I am given.
After all...
What kind of time would I be spending without you?

So much writing.
So many words.
Enough to make my fingers burn.

I would set these sheets on fire
If it meant I could get you
To look at me
Hungry
And with desire.

When I hear the office women,
dressed up so pretty in their nice clothes
say that they are having a bad day -
I scowl.

Have you been crying quietly
at your desk
all day
too?

Do you mourn for the family that abandoned you?

Do you long for a safe space, a place to go to, to call home?

Has your lover forgotten how to love you?

Have you lost your peace -
Have you ever known peace -

Or, like me
are you conveniently
forgettable
expendable
and very much,
mostly unwanted?

You bury me
Beneath a mountain of bones
Your skeletons, tired of closets
Ripping the doors open
Longing to be free

And here I sit
Sipping silently
My blood and rage boiled over
In my heart, heavy with such woe
I will never be what you want
I will never be her, though

Crimson.
Ivory.
Charcoal.

Let me rip her apart for you
Let me tear her apart, my love
You want to know her every angle
Let me splinter her bones
May I?

Crimson.
Ivory.
Charcoal.

Let me cry to you of my failures
Let me sing to you of my hopes
You want me to know I'm not alone
Let me shred myself at the core
May I?

Crimson.
Ivory.
Charcoal.

You bury me.