so don't change then
you seem to be perfectly comfortable
in your insanity.
wrestling, withdrawing,
anhedonia coming alive in your party
master wrangler of sorrow,
been there, done that.
and like watching
the christians and the lions,
i am rooting for you
but know you will shed blood.
and when you are devoured enough
you come to life,
crazy sonafabitch.
stay where you are then,
forget em happy pills.
i will go certifiable with you
as long as you do not forget
the lunacy of our love.

There are periods that need to be put at the end of sentences that started with a thought, rambled onto paragraphs that branched into multiple ambitious topics that was then  left hanging in jumbled confusion half-way through time. In the endless strings of unecessary conjunctions, painful careless adjectives, and inappropriate prepositions, a simple period, used at the end of a completed, sensible sentence, one in which you put an effort to complete, regardless of the distracting pauses of time...a perfect period like that could go a long, long way. It ends THAT sentence so that another, more mature, wiser, more sensible one that could  bring forth beautiful thoughts in endless paragraphs, could then begin.

Such is the language of life.
Such is the power of a period.
It is called closure.
Sometimes, we should use more periods in our lives,
to make our sentences clear.
Yes.
Period.

one day, love will find you.
you will sit softly in a chair
and you will drink your wine
and a smile will never leave your face.
you will be content
you will not be wanting.
it will not be a knock on your door
with red roses and fairy tales.
it will not read like a storybook
it will not be a hymn or a song
or a dream run over and over.
it may not even be there for you to hold.
you may not see it when it finds you
but you will know.
and you will no longer cry
the kind of tears in your eyes.
and just when you could see through those tears,
you will no longer be looking.
when you do
look me up
i will remember your name.
give me the pleasure to tell you
i told you so.

this is no fun
this poker game we play
not knowing what cards you hold
not even sure of the rules.
have mine so close to my chest
so what's next?
i want to scream my aces
delight in the pleasure of your eyes
delighting with me
but i fear this is not how you play the game.
i cannot read your tell
by the way you keep silent
or hide perhaps in your nervous giggle.
it should be so simple but its not,
you ******-up my cool
i am out of your league
such a shame
to have a full house
and still unable to crack your shell.

in the dark you lurk
eyes seething
i smell your ***** stench reeking
your pores are swollen, hair on end
desire dripping from your wanton lips
there is a smoldering cauldron of hunger
between your legs
taut as a chord
wound enough just fit to break at a drop.
crouched low and devious, dark claws ready
each gasping breath is agonizing
the thrill of the hunt is upon you
waiting, desiring, anticipating.

i turn the lights low
ah...sleep is a blessing
the road to my bed has been long
*****, savaged and shamed.
i knocked on enough doors to know
my wandering soul is ready to rest
i watch my life play out
like an eager child denied his game
missing pieces of my starving heart
each wrong turn, each wayward chance
slips and go astray from my claim.
so with weary eyes i lay
quietly resigned of my fate.
and yet i sense a stirring, awakening...
i feel your presence.
even in my sleep.

the stage is set
oh, seductive phantom of libidinous aching!
you slither like a snake sliding
the slime of creamy eros trailing behind
damp and thick, like your lips drenched wet
by your convulsing furry tongue.
your fangs are now poised, sharp for the ****
you stand triumphant, eyes are now but anxious slits
unchaste ******* exposed and glorious in display
the pungent temple pregnant
moist and drenched with insane lust
as you grin, beholding your feast, a helpless prey
a life soon to be reduced with finality
****** empty and dry.

i dream the dream of dreamers
there is comfort in knowing you.
for i had longed to taste someone like you
to be loved, cared, held, understood
opened like layers upon layers of truth
for i had also longed to taste me, see me, know me
i have been denied but not defeated
and in the silent corridors of longing, i kept seeking
i knew you were out there.
i knew you when i saw your eyes, heard your voice
your cup was open and there was wine for the taking.
i dreamt of you when i was young.
and yet i sense a stirring, awakening...
i feel your presence.
even in my sleep...

crawling between the silken sheets
you lick my flesh from toe to thigh
i am unaware, yet fully keen to the blood rushing
engorging my veins, filling my tumultous swelling
ready for your diabolical invasion
filleted open bare and naked
your mouth descend on me slowly first
slick, devoted with carnal attention
then with strong lashings and shameless fury
i climb high and buck wildly, seizing in throes
my voice hoarse riding your face
flush and breathless, your ******* is powerful
unforgiving, kneading and milking
the floodgates are now let loose
lost in the ecstasy of my writhing, contorted body
i pour all of the thick creamy fuel of my soul for you to drink.
and so we meet...in your starving belly
we stay... in the sweetest spot of your heart
the desecration is now complete
the consecration has begun
we now are one.

sleep like a baby
my muscles are calm and spent
my mind drained with all but the thought of you
i have found a place to rest my heart
in this, our blessed ***-letting
i remain cuddled in my dream with you
i am now forever in you
my seed you carry
my seed is yours...

there is not a drop wasted in the red of your lips
you stand merciless and proud
bathed glistening in sweat and the stink of ***
you are victorious in this sensual debauchery
you toss your gold hair, revealing your wicked smile
on a classic face of such magnificence and majesty
and so you look at this hapless spent creature
like taking candy from a baby
he is now yours eternally
oh yeah..the beast is done for, conquered, consumed

but, no! his eyes are open. he is looking!
he looks at your eyes and knows!

yes, i am awake. i am looking
i look at your eye and know...

just as you have ****** him in you,
he has ****** you in him.

just as you have ****** me in you.
i have ****** you in me.

oh, no..
oh, no.

because *******, my beloved succubus.
i am your incubus.

loveless
lustless
lifeless
listless

loveless
listless
lustless
l­ifeless

i still pray for you
my silent plea for blessed peace
to fill the crevice of your heart
i wrap with the attention of jesus
summoning lazarus.
he, of the same unequivocal faith
knows the depth of my invocation.

i wake up trembling at night
to the urgency of my dreams
and my hands reach out for your name
frantic like the parting of the sea
like losing the relevance
of the vows we made in better days
to something so forgettable, so trivial.

in the onslaught of madness
between dawn and the memory of your eyes
i return to the comfort of your hands
holding mine in the fleeting vision
of daniel and the lions.

i still pray for you
that you still have faith in eternity
in the serenity of Us
that it is still possible
if we believe.

i still pray for you.
i still believe in you.

let us be junkies
bleed together
tremble as our blood is cleansed
from this, our senseless craving.
there is heaviness upon our chests
our breath staggering
from the jagged sharpness of memories
peeling the fresh edge of our wounds
freely flowing now,
leave us just the hint of death
upon our pale, spent skin.

alone.
i feel alone.
i am muted as i recede
from the fury of my addiction,
hearing alone my agonizing cry
my flesh shredded
my bones crushed
my tears crusted
its meaning has long left me
curled and cold in a corner
with the wan smile of surviving...
there is no pity left in the melting.

somehow, i forgot
how hell would figure in this,
my make-believe heaven.
where with each gaze,
you bare my soul
with each breath,
you burst me raw and dripping
with your fingertips
you strip me into my elements
and have me dance buck-wild
soaked in the perfect concoction
of madness and affection
stewed in boiling buckets of ***,
as thick as love slathered
upon our irreverent whispering lips...

but hell has arrived
silent, thoughtful, real...
i feel it creeping in this empty room
where  the fulminant joy of your laughter
fades into a hollow echo
and your eyes are somewhere else
where the light of the sun
is not blue but grey.
you are oozing from my open vein
and i am numb
hell has arrived
at the break of a dark winter.
i succumb to my fate
an unrepentant, miserable ******
wallowing in shaking fits,
my vulnerable shell in a million shattered shards by my feet,
looking at the permanence of your tracks
as you walk away...

you are a pearl
silken white wraped around
a sand of hurt
shining even in the dark
aged and rendered smooth
by ruthless time
rising from deep waters
bathe and cleansed
by the sun.
i hold you in my palm
and i am in awe
my whole being trembles
at how precious you are
how timeless
how loved.

my pearl,
my heart longs
for your luster and feel
shine always
and forever hold
my adoring eyes.

the hint of yellow
circling the pupils of your blue eyes
are like­ garden flowers on a window
by the eden on a front yard.
i guess ­they caught whatever was left
from the pallete spent on your gold­en hair

the blush of red in your cheeks
when your lips part in p­assion
is the color of the day surrendering into the night
lit up­ by a million tiny sparkles
and yes, the mole on your nose bridge­
rests like venus on a crescent moon.

the softness of your white­ skin
forms a blanket with warm pockets,
love escaping from my em­brace.
i hear your hands speak of strength
there are areas on it ­roughened by life
and soft spots that bring a vision
of a little ­girl playing hopscotch.
and when i rest my palm on yours
the worl­d is alright with me.

i am momentarily lost
tracking the rise an­d fall of your chest
somehow i could make out your heart
dancing ­in there, in double step
perfectly in synch with mine
i want to r­emember every line
every shade, every tone,
every rhythm that com­pose you
like an ancient god's little toy.

your breath becomes mine
like brooks into riv­ers into seas
you are upon me
like wildebeasts in stampede
the cr­ash of a mighty jungle waterfall
so many pictures flood my senses­
my mind convulsing in a frenzy
from a spark provoked by your fac­e

you are a  mine for my metaphors
and i just sit here, ready
my­ pen poised, my cup is eager
the smell of coffee rises up my vein­s
i let you come in,open my door
your touch is on my skin
your fo­otprints are all over my body
i cannot move a part of me
without ­moving the whole of us.

my ache to have you is unending
my devot­ion is timeless
our moment together too priceless
if i was put in­ this world to love you
and meant to die when that is done,
then beloved, 
i believe i will live forever.

i just need that right moment
to run from this perfect amalgam of confusion and doubt
this overcooked stew of panic and frenzy
hide in a space where i could infinitely freeze
and stare out cold, stunned and lifeless
feel my heart take its sullen pause
and cry...****, howl even
into the unreachable depths of sorrow
at the mind-boggling finality
of losing you...

i need to get over this.
the ending has got to be so clear
no ifs, no buts, no more gut-wrenching self-persecution
i need that ******* perfect moment
to nail this ******* coffin.

i need that precious moment to grieve
cash in my pure unadulterated mourning
my monumentally epic funeral
one that would put your self-loathing to shame
as i shed my shameless tears for you
for losing you,
the incredibly amazing you...
and for losing us,
the one-in-a-million Us.

when can I have that moment?
please?

there is a certain way
that you wet your lips with your tongue
that takes my breath away.

the sight of that furry flesh
curling in your lower lip
your teeth scraping the surface
as you draw them in
is an entire poetry in motion.

i have questioned my faith of life and living
on many a lonesome night
but what you do with your lips
i believe.

O, Precious...
Grant my hands
the pleasure to roam the roots of your locks upon my chest
Let me breath the air that sustains your beating heart..
It is my air, it is my heart.

Your warmth is my bed
where our sweat beads collect in exhaustion
My sweet baby... the twitching is exquisite
when you caress them with intention
Please bury me yet with your cradling leg, possessive and proud,
as I gaze into endless space
where the impossibility of meeting you
is rendered mute by our fate.

There is a reason for your scent
dancing in the playground of my brain
Or the placid sound of your slumber
Or the exactitude of your arms draped upon my grateful chest
They seem so right for each moment of perfection
that bears your name and mine.

I live for the thrilling anticipation of your closeness
Your hair upon my face,
your body in its sensual splendor
melded into my heathen helplessness.
And your face...
Ah, your face, Beloved,
the face of gods suspended in orgiastic playstrings,
is all that matters to me.

I am once again taken.
I am immortalized in love.

your smile is full, free and robust
in this shot i took of you in the mountains
the hardy foliage of the pines
are just as alive to meet the spark in your eyes
when you look at me
and the coldness of that winter upon us
makes that blazing warmth in your chest
so unbearably urgent
for my existence.

i remember us wandering into caves
finding treasures in damp and sacred coves
where brilliant colors still shine
even in the dark of the rocky depths.
and the whisper of the ancient waterfall
the closeness of the stone passages
the height of the natural bridges
wraps us into the incredible fortune
of even being there together
in all this creation.

i miss the vision of that funnel cake
upon your incorrigible lips
tainted with the heat of cocoa
and my hungry heart.
ah, such sweet confection
shared like communion
between the best of friends…
your smile still dwells on top of my world
where i could see far and wide
across states, across space, across my life
and just sigh.

i am seeking my peace
in this shot i took of you in the mountains
where i once held you in the deepest places
timeless and true
and your smile is all i have left
to dream again.

when you moan
you squeeze my soul of its boundless lust
i pour this in your gaping mouth
my silken tongue funnel our liquids
and slides into the urgency of our craving
flesh gliding against scorched flesh
marinated by our sweat
such power in a scent
only lovers reek in sacred ***.
you are my goddess
and i fall into bottomless pits
of the pleasure and promise
you bring into our coccoon
i fill every orifice of your being
my body is in flames
by the heat of my desire
the sounds and the sights of you
corrupts my last resistance
there is nothing but surrender
the groan of heaven gone amuck
the quivering of membranes
tangled in the throes of your cries
your eyes seizing in explosive release
exhausted, we fall into spent heap
flailed bodies in blissful stupor
of a union so acute
so epic.
all of this happens
when you moan
with your face looking at me,
loving me.

to all those i love,
i cannot give any more of me.
i have none left
for myself.
my time is consumed by work
and worrying
of other people's pain
i may have lost
my own capacity to feel.
because when i do feel
i am unable to contain it
and the love pours
when i give it all
till it is insane.
i may have hit bottom.
so i think i should keep
the last tiny itty-bitty morsel
for myself.
i will have some more maybe
for next year.

she sways her head when she sings
and it is lovely.
her hair falls a little to the side
like curtains opening to my show,
and her eyes dances with the song,
so endearing, so fulfilling.
and from her  lips, the words let out
the melody forgiving
is music to my ears. 
i am entranced, transfixed, bewitched
as love would have me. 
and the world is once again alright.
i know not what she is singing
but it is good to hear.
there is nothing unnoticed
by a heart so starved with details.
there is no beauty far greater
than what i behold 
when you sing.
So sing for me, love
And sway your head a little bit more
as we stare at each other's eyes...

i **** at deflecting blows
they find me with my mouth open
and feast in a flurry of hurt.
always not primed to react
mind blanks out when provoked
especially when you smile
blind me with lust and loving
before you gouge my heart.
logic gone berserk
when we cuddle one moment
then recoil from the proverbial **** a second later.
a word left hanging, a sigh in a wrong place, a curse out of context
then just like that
i am ****** again.
hell, i do not even know where that came from!
i **** at ressisting your tears
or stopping mine
and then, as we bask in a moment of bliss,
we do this all over again
just to mess up a sunny day in winter
in the name of love.
you run to hide, and i chase you down
so you could **** me up again,
inevitably,
as surely as i said earlier
that i **** at this.

i woke up this morning
with the vision of your face smiling.
right now, in the incalculable space between us
you are still sleeping.
so i will slip into your dreams
hack through the jungle of confusion,
chase the cobwebs along the way
there would be scattered, beautiful lights to keep me company.
i know of a trail to a great spot
to watch the memories of our love,
the passion and discovery we had this weekend.
i will play this over and over and again.
i will not even think or break it down
to some meaningful logic.
it will bring me joyful convulsions,
and some tears in the end.
and then i will quietly leave this poem
for you to read when your eyes open
to see my face smiling from afar.

i will catch up with sleep
when i am dead
for tonight my weary eyes just live
to behold your beauty
as you bathe in a dream
beside me.
how could i not tremble with the thought
that i breath the air you breath,
and listen to the same songs
that wander into your restful mind?
i dream your dream, love,
even if i am awake
and my heart is beating furious
at your sight.
such magnificent soul!
such wonderful creation!
you could see beyond
this plain, ordinary armor
and find the voice
trapped in my heart...
release me, dear
release my whole being
that has longed
so much to find you.
what are the chances of a time like this?
how could i sleep and let this moment not take me,
reduce me to tears
that i ache so bad to hide from you?
i will hurt in the morning
but it will heal.
i will not see this vision again
but it will remain in everything i see.
we will be miles apart, but closer.
so tonight,
i would rather live,
breath your air
smell you, kiss you, merge with your senses
and give you all this love
i never know exists in me.
pure, ******, boundless, blind and fierce.
you sleep away, my darling
my beautiful beloved.
i will catch up with sleep
when i am dead.

i want to tell you 
how i hate what you do to me.
you let me cling to you like a child
starve me, **** my air 
and then come prancing around
like nothing happened.
and when i moan and groan for attention
you make me feel like a spineless sucker,
miserable, passive-aggresive sonafabitch.
and yet, i am helpless
******* defeated by your charm.
i am the most logical person i know.
yeah, right.
i hate that you could not see this,
nor do I.

my tongue 
makes an unchaste
sign of the cross
over your swollen lips
as i bow in sensual prayer
to your spread eagled altar
early this morning.
and i drink 
your immaculate fluid
with reverrent lusting
your moans and cries
are my hymns
as we share a moment of bliss
this coming day.

i'd like to speak about love
for the lovers of the world
and be proud among the blessed.
for once innocent, my eyes are now in awe
of its grip upon my heart, my *****.
i am its voice urgent to scream
the language rises within me in wine bubbles
escaping my once cold chest
where i hold you, cup your face
and draw the rapture for my words.

i'd like to speak about love
in behalf of all of those loving
wise and pure, tireless and raw
with permission, i will speak of love in tantric phrases.
and if they hold no meaning upon those unblessed,
they are still sacred.
for me, this is enough
you will reveal the secrets in your eyes.

i'd like to speak about love
among those surrendered in tumultuous passion
and capture the murmurs that binds the silence
of what we know.
that love can run deep
once you get past the bottom of where you dare to thread.
remember when you said you will keep me?
i held my breath
as we mix our fires, our water, our liquor, our flesh
in the cold december mountain.

i'd like to speak about love
for those of my savage, affectionate kind
who seek gravity to welcome what pours-
swirling waves of random hugs
from knowing, throbbing hearts
like the love that comes from my lips when i kiss you
at the break of dawn
and part your haggard hair to caress your mole
with intense veneration.

i will hold your hand when i see you
and pray you will feel
the intensity of my affection
between the pulsations sent forth
by my helpless heart.
i will look deep in your eyes
and surrender my soul for that moment
that i will be utterly lost in it.
i will take courage
and wander into that adorable mind,
looking for my place of solace,
that sacred ground that i have nurtured
with every breath, every strength
every ounce of dedication imaginable,
and claiming it mine, mine alone, all for myself...
and i will not give it up,
even as you pry my hands away.
i will embrace you
with the emotion of a lost child found,
the fire of a stone hearth in winter,
the grateful song of a lark in summer,
the deepest depths of the seas
the infinite heights of heaven
the comforting silence and the damning certainty
of this love i feel for you and no other.
i will whisper your name in your ear,
so i could hear it myself
and then truly, truly believe that you are there,
that you are as real.
as real as the tear that will ache to escape
from my eyes that will deny it.
because i will keep my vision so clear
so i could behold the beauty of your face
and die for one fleeting moment in your arms.
so when i see you, my beloved,
please forgive me,
if i will hold your hand
and i will not let go.

the skin toughens with every bruise
the top layer sheds
the next one steps forward for another beating.
pretty soon numbness sets in.
its called learning.
it takes a little getting used to,
some time and tough luck
a little bit of twisted logic
a shrug, and a stubborn capacity to endure.
like onion being peeled, the tears well up
when the dried layer comes off.
so... you beat me up, and i take it.
if you smile past your raging fits,
i learn. we move along. nice and dandy.
just do not give up on me.
one day, i will be reasonably numb.
and then we will comfortably
beat each other to a blissful stupor.
so lemme have it if you feel like it, love.
i am an eager learning ******.
just hold me tight
whenever you pounce on me
and let me know when it is over.

sunday morning
walking with you while the city walks by
frenzied footsteps of hurried lives
hanging on espresso coffee drunk black
bodies flung on a grinding cable car
huffing up on a hill
the restless mad rush of humanity
and so many of them...
but all that i see
is the indelible smile upon your face
eyes plucked from heaven's artwork
and set to gaze at me
with eagerness that leaves me breathless
as i strive to match your long strides
rebounding with the pleasures
of you and me
found…
i only see the city with your eyes
wander like a tourist with a mission
i will explore you
your eyes
your smile
your long strides
until we once again walk side by side
your hand in mine
oblivious to the city
on a sunday morning.

wake up today, love
and feel whole at least for a day.
for your broken pieces
i glued together with painstaking love
while you were asleep.
i held my breath for your beauty
and the restful slumber you deserve,
and i was very careful
to dry with utmost care, gently blowing
the last tear that cling to you face.
i dare not to stir any longer
that lingering hurt, now in ebbs.
it will be gone when your smile emerges
and your eyes will rule the world.
the million shattered yous on the floor
i gather with my longing heart
i hold them with such tender memories
such aching care,
such passion true,
as they are mine as well.
i need to just scoop them
and watch them bring themselves forth
a better being,
a stronger spirit
a fiercer love.
you will wake up today, love
with another song in your heart
it will be new
it will be young
it will be fresh
and the cruel world may not listen.
**** them dear.
it matters not.
the song is for you.
i will listen to it from afar
and my heart will drown with joy.
you will break again some nights
but as you cry to sleep
i will thread softly
to pick you up, shard by shard
and embrace you whole
knowing that tomorrow
brings these pieces together
another you
that you and i
will delight to love.
so sleep a little bit more, my love
you are whole again.
today will be just fine.

she dances,
undulating like a silk scarf in soft wind
her hips 
sway in sumptous rhythm like samba
her body 
writhes over a canvas of wildflower
traced by a convulsing painter's brush
watch her limbs now float and sail, 
graceful as a snake charmed senseless
on its sacred wandering space 
they beckon, 
like her lips served in sweet dessert
 
the night leaves nothing to chance
our flesh cavort in urgent beat
primeval 
like the throbbing of hearts in a womb
i find her eyes in the sea of humanity
they burrow into a delicious spot in my chest
i feel her deliver its shiver up my sweating spine
and she hears her name
in the silent whisper of my smile 
even as i get buried in the crowd
all i hear is her laughter 
in the midst of swirling shadows and seizing lights
and it leaves me in drunken longing.
 
i am but the helpless, hopeless audience of one
she is a shade short
of the greatest show on the dance floor
and a heartbeat too much
for my worshiping cup to hold.
 
when she dances, i am alive.

in another world
i would come home to you
worn and weary
and you would wait by the door,
and smile with your eyes.
and we would sit and eat,
the soup warm by the fire
and listen to the silence
that brings us near
just like our laughter and songs
fills the space between us.
and we would feel the touch on flesh,
and we would make love till we are spent.
but in this world
we are wandering souls that found each other,
so different and yet so one.
but subject to time and space.
and precious people that we love
and love us back.
so we would have to move on
in parallel worlds.
but one day i know
our paths will cross again.
and when those roads merge
even for one sweet, finite moment,
i would be running home to you,
strong and eager,
and i will see your eyes smile
when you open the door,
and welcome me
for our feast of food and laughter,
and songs and silence,
and endless loving
till every drop is spent.

Looking at the sky
One late evening
Limitless, vast. So vast!
Echoes of birds retiring.
Water from eons of rebirth
Splashing on the weary summer dock. 

Eyes roam 
Restless twitching
I pace, going nowhere.
Aching in my sweat
My dog wonders, leaves disgusted.
Caffeine disconnects me even further
My focus is fleeting
Looking up, looking down
I'm a lost ant looking for my queue
Frantic, so much to do
One more thread snapping
My head is spinning
There's so much *******
Noise!

Then, you call.
"Hey, wassup?"

I'm melting like ice cream.
Peanut butter and jelly.
Legs propped on the porch
The lake looks nice.
Smiling with you
One rhythm found in your name
Filling the sky. So vast!
Coast to coast
Such a small Universe. 

That's what you do to me.
******* amazing, huh?

i am on deck
waiting for my pitch
get off your pickle, pitcher
and throw me some of your curve *****.
do not hide in your dark dug-out,
the game is just heating up.
do not get antsy
and calm those frayed nerves.
just listen to the cheers,
them jesters don't matter.
deep breaths, focus, you are a champ
give me a slow one,
or a high fast.
so, you throw off the plate
i could not care less
just lemme see you try
flex those strong arms
up on your **** on the mound.
so get up, get going
let me hit a long one
so i can run around you
and make you smile.

i sip my coffee in earnest
strong, vapors rising
funnel into the seat of my brain
and spreads like summer wildfire
rousing dormant imprints you left 
like when your lips swell, smiling
the sugar and cream browning
the sacred cup you drink
as you look up in my eyes, melting
in silent conversation.

these thoughts warm me up
when i sip my coffee in earnest
in the manner we know so well
when i remember you
by the balcony.

today you could chose
to be silent or to shout
to sulk or to sway
to stall, simmer or bubble forth, overflow.
you decide.
your call.

but today,
i wish for you to dance
(just a wish, mind you)
a twist, a two-step, a waltz in solo
or just lose it wildy alone in the yard
with a flurry of smiles, adorning your face
your limbs undulate in synch
with the colors of your dress in a blur
brown curls sailing with the breeze
your blue eyes buried in stifled laughter
your fingers curl in beguiling pose
while you sway your hips
like cursive graffiti upon a sacred wall
sweat rising on hallowed ground
celebrating the impossible chance
that you even ******* exist.

should you opt to dance
please bury your troubles away
there is time enough to be sad another day
break out like a malady of mirth
infect us fervent with your delicious antics
we know you are crazy enough
to be trusted with our pernicious lives
for there are those of Us gathered
wandering souls with bated breath
to see your feet convulse in rhythm
and lead the parade.
i take my place in the crowd,
throw in my well-wishes
in that big vat of love a-boiling
in the center of the square
ready to see you go nuts.
you decide.
your call.

dance,
for the sake of dancing
love,
for the sake of loving.

so listen to the song spinning.
just maybe,
you could grant me the honor
of capturing your untamed vision
paint it with fierce abandon on this canvass
and offer it as my humble gift.

happy that you were born.
honored to meet you
right at the corner of this universe.

best wishes on your birthday!

my hand seem steady now
filled with dark earth
that i toss reluctantly 
into the grave you dug
for my heart.

i see it its last pulsations
almost as if it found its epiphany
in the deep shadows
where you once found me
with your smile. 

the cold february air
wraps it with an essential numbness
as it drifts off to a silence
as loud as the anguished howl
in my perseverant brain.

i mourn for my heart
slipping from your shaky grip.
strange how strong inertia feels
when you hit bottom, 
the sound of sadness
is unbearable.

once young and lost,
i stood in the shadow of my father
as the sun gently set yonder,
and felt his greatness slowly blend
into the silence of the dusk.
the son is the measure of the man,
i learned soon enough.
he of humble earth
has borne his mark in his days, his ways.
and with awe and a young heart
i embraced his love for life amidst his chaotic disorder,
his lust for living, a joyful journey
of unexpected twists and turns.
i looked back then, keenly, at the road he travelled
so i could, and must run parallel
but reluctantly, then with surrender
still let his light cast away my demons.
and yet, i have time again reached out
for those strong wise hands.
and his face, worn and weary
i often curse and then gather with my hands.
and somewhere down all of this
i pause in silence... and marvel
how i have become my man,
struggling with his love, his vows and vices,
his victories unnamed, his sadness sublime and deep,
the measure of his man,
the sanctity of his name.
and i am completely forgiving of him
as i pray he is, and will, be of me
when our roads merge together
in the last leg of this trip.
i long to embrace you
and stand in your towering shadow
and claim your name
as mine.

i need rain
to soften this parched earth
where i stand.
too many dry seasons
and cold nights,
and i am wanting.
shower me with compassion
a tender touch, a song,
a whisper.
i need water infused into this soil
sprout a seed
gasp some air
birth.
hold my hand and tremble
the rush of life coming forth
to consume you
till you break your dam
and flood me
my hunger,
completely.
pour everything you have on me
i will bring it back to you
heat rising
water pregnant with affection
to scatter again in thousand rebirths an endless cycle.
torrential rain is what i need
bring your clouds together
and fill me up
i ache for your water
i am waiting
i am wanting
rain.

there is a certain way
that you wet your lips with your tongue
that takes my breath away.

the sight of that furry flesh
curling in your lower lip
your teeth scraping the surface
as you draw them in
is an entire poetry in motion.

i have questioned my faith of life and living
on many a lonesome night
but what you do with your lips
i believe.

you are a rose
with plenty of thorns
stab deep into my palm
when i hold you tight.
this is sweet bleeding
a communion
of pain and pleasure,
the red of this sacred fluid
as dark
as your velvet petals.
look at me
and feel my grip
i won't let go
you are now deep in my flesh
and should you slip
leave me your thorns
and save someone else's bleeding
to me.

you are hard to reach 
into the hole you crawl into.
i do not look forward
to these ****** moments
when you dwell in your fits and rages
soaking in your silence
to find your balance.   
tormenting yourself alone
is exhausting
for those who watch.
you are a cold ******* 
when you just don't ******* care.
i wish i could feel the same.
not give a ****,
what the **** do i care.
you came without a manual
i have to learn to ride your storms
put up with your *******.
it's messy sometimes
throws me off-kilter, 
me, the organized me.
i have to be crazy doing this
but i end up ******* about it
waiting anxiously for you to sober up
when i am the one drunk.
go figure.
i cannot change you.
i cannot change me.
it is just exhausting sometimes
these moments of seeing you 
in holes you dig yourself into
leaving the rest of the world
with the finger.
gotta learn to leave you alone
till you give a ****.
till something gives.
love *****.

the silence of this room
fills my hollow soul,  
crawls  into this forsaken space
where we once frolicked shameless,
leaves me muted, staring oblivious
wondering why you had to run away with your laughter
when you could stay with me
with your tears...

i feel left alone without my consent
like a light switched off just like that,
and asked to bear.
the roadie has moved on
this groupie is left to find
another show...

i don't hear the music playing
i don't trust my resolve
while you were hiding,
i lost my train of thought...

i saved a cup of tears 
squeezed from the cracks of my heart
by the venom of your ruthless rage
held it as long as i can
hands trembling with hope 
that i would not spill one bit
on your ******* cheerios
i see hazy matter on the fluid 
settle in the bottom 
and like shame, it clouds everything
if stirred unsteady.
and yes, light does not get there below
where it is cold. 

i cannot see where i am going
my vision is blinded by blood welling,
milked by the powerful strangle
of your vicious words...
for now, i just let it drip on this illogical cup 
that now runneth over
upon my tired, aging hands

tomorrow, i will build another vessel
close my eyes
rest my hands
seal the wounds of my heart
and go to sleep forever...

One day, in the days ahead
I will find myself sitting on the edge of a ledge
and I will ask myself how I got there.
I will look back at these faces that I love fiercely
and who love me in return
so tender, unquestioning and with totality.
I will see my dad's old face across the blue
and my mom's eyes, so gentle,
will merge true with my beautiful sisters'
who are very dear to my heart.
and it would be too painful to love them
any more than I can now or ever could.
My darling wife would be dancing with the boys.
I will hear the echoes of joy over dinner,
first steps and pubertal voices,
fights and hugs and smiles and tears
in the whisper of the cool ocean breeze.
And my boyhood friends so dear from youth gone fast
will roll aching in laughter and mirth and beer
singing songs of manly victories and broken dreams.
And I will fondly remember those precious secrets I can only know
of loves lost and those that cannot be
and I will still be content,
and I will still be happy,
for I will have loved as much as I could love, and more.
I will look far beyond the horizon,
and I will be overwhelmed and humbled
by these lives and love that came my way
in the vast expanse of time and space.
I will ponder at the immeasurable meaning they bring to my living,
and I will be honored and blessed with bliss,
for I will know I will have lived a worthy life.
When that day comes that I am sitting on that cliff
I will look at the rocky abyss below
safe from the violent waves that thunder the sound of my years.
And I will hold my breath in awe at sitting
on top of the world.

here in my mind with you i dance
a song i picked from night in trance
i hold your face so close to mine
your breath i smell the taste of wine
your body warm, so soft and sweet
i melt with you in gentle beat
i lay you down a kiss so deep
we take our time in joyous leap
we ride the wind and reach the skies
we seal our fate a bind that ties
the song will play these thoughts again
you will be gone but love remain
with fervent prayer i write this rhyme
with love so true it will test time
i pause and hope your heart will smile
my childish work delight your wile
i cannot seem to hold myself
express my joy when you i met
so bear with me my goddess pure
i lie prostrate to your allure
the time will come i'll find some peace
but not today that you i miss
i will now stop this rhyming ****
and let you feel my love for it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojB6S1Sf4XU&feature;=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-WIGymoI9I&feature;=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5IznKocIqA

when i break,
i will in a million tiny bits
in a cloud of oblivion even,
and lose the gravity
that pulls me into the orbit
of your spell.

maybe
when you come this way again
there will be a dust left
a speck of remembrance
that will cling, tenacious.
pray, let that be my soul
carry it amongst many
who wandered,
and who thank you like i do
for the journey
near the edge of heaven...