I always wanted to
  Marry, merry Mary.
  But knew not how to propose.

And so I went to fetch her flowers
  Rows of roses rose
  before me, presenting many choices but producing a tear.

My sorrow was broken by a
  Sheer, cheer, chear,
  my friends wishing my love to ignite

Be not discouraged, your love is a
  lite, light. Alighted
  by the tender flame your heart abates.

And Mary loves you, despite her long
  way and weighty wait
  She knows you're worth it and why

So put on your best suit and
  tie that Thai  tie  
  of azure that matches your eyes

That's Mary's favorite, said
  I, aye, eye
  And she's sure to say yes, yes, yes

  to such a fool in love

The sound of conversation from another room
   muffled soft by walls and doors.
   voices
   of comfort and security,
Childhood memories of my mother and father
Up late with dear friends
as indiscernible words and conversation and laughter became
a comforting lullaby
For I was down the hall in bed with my cowboy sheets and brown blanket  
Their voices, a mighty oath of safety and protection
against the monsters that hide at night in the closets and dark corners of children's rooms
Children who get to make believe their monsters
I got to make believe my monsters
And they were no match for my fathers laughter or my mothers offer for more coffee.

And I think of you out there
Who did not make believe your monsters.
For whom the voices reaching bedtime ears were coarse and menacing, angry and cursing,
  And sounds that children should not hear
unfamiliar words, but their meaning unmistakable.
Mothers crying and fathers yelling, strange men threatening
At tender age, the familiar smell of alcohol  portending danger
You need not make believe your monster
For the roaring, and snarling, all too real
     was just outside your bedroom.
     having consumed  mommy and daddy already, it was coming for you
And perhaps, still does

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,

but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't
untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't
untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

the snow is poetry in white powder form
its words slap my cheeks
and glisten upon my nose

still flakes stir from their sleep
provoked by the wind they rise from the ground
in brief, sudden fury

I keep my head down
looking up only to steal glances at
the picture-book in front of me

and to step out of the way
of trucks trudging by
few soldiers on this lonely frontier

the footsteps of my past are covered quickly, forgotten
all the world is open to me now
a white canvas for the brushstrokes of my boots

I step out to the middle of the road
the two yellow lines lie hidden beneath my feet
tonight I don’t need their direction

I recall the nights spent looking down on this street
dreaming from my bedroom window
I’ve pictured myself skating beneath this very streetlight

so I step forward, push off and glide
the latent layer of ice makes for a slippery stage
illuminated by the light of the lamp

I turn my heel, shift my weight and spin
twirling not with the practiced grace of a dancer
but the steady hope of a dreamer

I wish I had a partner
I wish she was here
for tonight I feel invincible
tonight I am light, breathless, infinite

you stuffed the sharpest fragments of your past
deep into the pockets of that green coat
so that they couldn’t pierce you anymore

sometimes in conversation, your hand shifts towards a pocket
I give the gesture attention, so you go ahead and reach in

the memory you pull out, you hold before you like a line-up
I tell you I’m not taking mental-picture mugshots

all I want is to hold the parts of your past that hurt the most
and grace them with my tears

for when I look at you, I see a girl with the courage
to pick the broken fragments of her shattered self off the floor
and piece them back together

I see a girl who dares to ask the deepest questions of life
because she has already been broken
and is not afraid of the answer

I like this.
This freeing feeling.
Being away from you,
Has somehow let me,
Become new.

Now, I'm realizing,
That you were a crutch.
Enabling me,
My pain.

Because when there was a "we"
There wasn't..
It was you,
And me,
Two people,
Tangled in thorn bushes of distrust.

I'm not saying I didn't love you.
I'm not saying I don't now.
I'm just thinking,
Maybe it was leaning,
More towards infatuation.
Which led to strangulation.
Suffocation.
No breathing.
Wire ties, tied so tight,
They cut the skin,
And left us wounded,
Openly bleeding.

Maybe we were meant for seperation.
A trial, meant for error,
Maybe we were meant to hurt,
Feel the pain we caused eachother,
And learn,
Then make better choices based on the lesson,
And so on.

Maybe being together,
Taught us its better that we're apart.
And also, that after awhile,
The pain stops coming back,
And we learn to move on,
Like I'm finally starting to.
Because let's face it,
I said I was fine,
But I was practically dead for a while,
Faking a smile for your benefit,
And crying behind the comfort of closed doors.
Turning up the radio way too loud,
And screaming until my throat was raw.

Why do you think I wouldn't sing for you?
Even after I promised to.
Not only the nervousness,
But, also being scared that you'd notice,
Notice the difference in my voice,
When I try to hit the higher notes.
I've screamed myself sick so many times,
My voice has changed,
There's a certain aspect to it,
The over all raspy tone,
And it would have killed me for you to notice.

For the longest time,
I was so afraid of you peeling back the layers,
And seeing the reckless hatred for myself,
But now, I honestly don't care.
I will cry and scream, and just let it go from now on.
Because I can no longer live in hiding.
I'm done.
And not just hiding from you, either.
Everyone.

I will roll my sleeves up,
And take these ******* bracelets off.
I will no longer be ashamed of these marks I've created.
They do not define me.
I am not that girl anymore.
She was never me.
And I will never again become her.
You know why?
Because for the first time,
In a long time,
I'm ******* free.
All because of a little bit of seperation,
And mental disconnection.