there is a timeline
in which I'm a father
to a six year old
in this timeline
my grandmother doesn't annoy me
with grief and sorrow
every time we videocall

there is a timeline
in which you did not break my heart
several times
in front and behind the back
with the secrets spilled
in your message chats

there is a timeline
where we never met
where your smile did not infect
me so badly, and the promise
didn't flower fully
and I never got lost biking back
from your cul-de-sac

there is a timeline
in which I never came here
escaping recession fears
with a promise of opportunity
as the prime minister
gently invited us
to gently leave the country

there is a timeline
where I stayed in Spain
rooted, secured, in my domain
confident, arrogant, insane
at least, slightly more than now
an art in the simplicity
of someone who couldn't comprehend
when each branch was splitting
and a new reality
came.

writing is awful
its torture
its the most lonely moment
having written is great
exhilarating
the most grateful moment

and I am not the writer
and you are not the reader
we are participants
equal

and I am a narcissist, egocentric
and you are greedy and tempting
me to give so much for a small
chance to be remembered
to be enjoyed forever
and forever is a long time
so I shouldn't complain
about staying up
so late
and anybody can write
yet somehow it's my turn
tonight

I have become the project
manager and employee
concept, marketing, sales
a mini-venture of possibility

ambition, the endless staircase
results over process
the calling a distant beep
explosions ringing deep

if only the most beautiful birds
were allowed to sing
all the forests would be silent
and free

the culture of self-exploitation
the elevator-looking cage
intention-stripped, pressing buttons
looking to save face

achievement, the new obedience
better taxes and productivity
flaunting success to rise above
the mold, the introspection sold.

war is a mindset
beyond an objective reality
one can be in a battlefield
but not in a war
focus diverted
or incredibly bored, thus
cheap fodder
feeding a machine
which cares not
for well-being

war is the frenzy
a collective vibration
an illusory eternal flame
quickly burning itself
and all around it

Yet the mindset is the power
applied alchemy
'yes we can' and freedom
against all odds
against the end itself
peeking through the beyond

war is energy
creating a future, destroying a past
truth slips between cracks
and to look at all above and think
this isn’t war
it's me

the ancestral Man
content
mingling in communal tribe life
the contemporary Man
alone in his car
enjoying a McDonald's burger
on the empty parking lot at two am
the true paradise, peace
heaven on earth
technology, industry
art in the execution
the culmination of human evolution
the right of independence
convenience
specialization breeding a weakness
we call bliss
a comfortable bubble
with radio, heat
moisture condensing in the windshield
light from the phone, LEDs
a blip in history, exceptions to rules
return to the mean, eventually true
a carbon pulse realizing itself
a collapse of complexity
a distant memory
of the individual versus the cosmos
surrounded by metal and rubber
which could go anywhere
but was still and total

I remember certainty
Reading Atlas Shrugged on the beach,
and getting a ***** from Dagny
rather than the bikini ladies all around me
Arguing with commies on revleft
until they sent me to a literal
virtual
gulag
I remember the free state project
seasteading
dreams of industrialists
and gold over fiat
I remember believing
global warming hoaxes
9/11 conspiracies
zeitgeist movies
the early brain rot feeds the worm
I remember the imminent economic collapse
dreams of perpetual motion machines
while escaping engineering failures
I remember the crypto dream
FIRE and decentralization
all so tangible, so manageable
the moral bankrupcy preceeding
the physical one
I remember the red pills, PUAs, so suave,
so fedoras
the promising apps, the market unleashed
the never ending competition
grass-greenerism
I could say I miss the certainty
but what I miss more is its concept
its idea, pure, untainted, filled with potential
the power of arrogance
in unblocking action
the boldness of ignorance
being blind to abstraction
Perhaps caution makes me wiser
while the weight grows heavier still
no longer a burden to shrug
but a truth to bear and feel.

there is a beauty inside of me
as there is inside
of you
it takes hardship to let it
shine through
in brief moments
fleeting instances
you can see it at dinner
with friends
or a particularly colorful sunset
on the commute back home
which knocks the seriousness
out of your mug face
or the way the music makes
the goosebumps rise
and if only you could grab everyone
around
in the moment
and transfer that feeling
you'd know they'd recognize it too
sometime recently
or perhaps their childhood
it may not be enough
to save the world
but for the briefest of moments
to know
it's worth
saving