I have become the project
manager and employee
concept, marketing, sales
a mini-venture of possibility

ambition, the endless staircase
results over process
the calling a distant beep
explosions ringing deep

if only the most beautiful birds
were allowed to sing
all the forests would be silent
and free

the culture of self-exploitation
the elevator-looking cage
intention-stripped, pressing buttons
looking to save face

achievement, the new obedience
better taxes and productivity
flaunting success to rise above
the mold, the introspection sold.

war is a mindset
beyond an objective reality
one can be in a battlefield
but not in a war
focus diverted
or incredibly bored, thus
cheap fodder
feeding a machine
which cares not
for well-being

war is the frenzy
a collective vibration
an illusory eternal flame
quickly burning itself
and all around it

Yet the mindset is the power
applied alchemy
'yes we can' and freedom
against all odds
against the end itself
peeking through the beyond

war is energy
creating a future, destroying a past
truth slips between cracks
and to look at all above and think
this isn’t war
it's me

the ancestral Man
content
mingling in communal tribe life
the contemporary Man
alone in his car
enjoying a McDonald's burger
on the empty parking lot at two am
the true paradise, peace
heaven on earth
technology, industry
art in the execution
the culmination of human evolution
the right of independence
convenience
specialization breeding a weakness
we call bliss
a comfortable bubble
with radio, heat
moisture condensing in the windshield
light from the phone, LEDs
a blip in history, exceptions to rules
return to the mean, eventually true
a carbon pulse realizing itself
a collapse of complexity
a distant memory
of the individual versus the cosmos
surrounded by metal and rubber
which could go anywhere
but was still and total

I remember certainty
Reading Atlas Shrugged on the beach,
and getting a ***** from Dagny
rather than the bikini ladies all around me
Arguing with commies on revleft
until they sent me to a literal
virtual
gulag
I remember the free state project
seasteading
dreams of industrialists
and gold over fiat
I remember believing
global warming hoaxes
9/11 conspiracies
zeitgeist movies
the early brain rot feeds the worm
I remember the imminent economic collapse
dreams of perpetual motion machines
while escaping engineering failures
I remember the crypto dream
FIRE and decentralization
all so tangible, so manageable
the moral bankrupcy preceeding
the physical one
I remember the red pills, PUAs, so suave,
so fedoras
the promising apps, the market unleashed
the never ending competition
grass-greenerism
I could say I miss the certainty
but what I miss more is its concept
its idea, pure, untainted, filled with potential
the power of arrogance
in unblocking action
the boldness of ignorance
being blind to abstraction
Perhaps caution makes me wiser
while the weight grows heavier still
no longer a burden to shrug
but a truth to bear and feel.

there is a beauty inside of me
as there is inside
of you
it takes hardship to let it
shine through
in brief moments
fleeting instances
you can see it at dinner
with friends
or a particularly colorful sunset
on the commute back home
which knocks the seriousness
out of your mug face
or the way the music makes
the goosebumps rise
and if only you could grab everyone
around
in the moment
and transfer that feeling
you'd know they'd recognize it too
sometime recently
or perhaps their childhood
it may not be enough
to save the world
but for the briefest of moments
to know
it's worth
saving

I wake up late, but still before lunch
the mailbox is empty
*******-
usually the postman comes around this time
and so I wait
I come back for lunch break
still empty
I don't know what hurts the most;
peeking through the slit
or opening it straight away
another day gone
another waiting
I need the mail, the cheap chinese crap
the midnight impulse buys
that colorful japanese cardboard crack
I am on my knees
and I **** the almighty god of consumerism
wishing that at least everyday
could be a little more like christmas
treating myself as if I was my woman
spoiling me further
than I would ever do any unborn child
the next day; something at last
this will do nicely along my collection
of nice to haves and just in cases
I don't want to look outside
and see tomorrow burning
the mailbox'll keep me busy
from unnecessary impossible
yearnings

everyone searching for themselves
trying to find themselves
looking for what they don't know
which cannot be found
outside the door
to look for yourself
find oneself
you don't need to travel
or spend time with others
simply find a blank wall
and stare until you can't
a mirror won't show you the truth
that a wall can
looking for you outside of you
merely creates a new you
as you shed the old
the shells encircling like onions
(equally as tearful)
and as beautiful as experiences will be
nothing can ever come close
to the you you tried to hide
only a blank wall can save you
from you who don't want to be saved
nor found
believe in the wall, trust the wall
it will tear you apart, prepare for
deconstruction
the paint textures hyperfixated
to avoid the rupture
you may try to scratch it
or leave the room
but the wall will always be there
waiting for you
in the open fields
in the breathtaking valleys
in the screens and darlings
in the obscenely filling
love the wall, lick the wall
it does not keep out, it lets out
it doesn't hold it in, it invites you in
a blazing heatstroke first,
then a gentle warm shower
you cannot get lost in it
nor sour