But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

-Umberto Eco

“Everyone should consider his body as a priceless gift from one whom he loves above all, a marvelous work of art, of indescribable beauty, and mystery beyond human conception, and so delicate that a word, a breath, a look, nay, a thought may injure it.”

-Nikola Tesla

A lost soul searching for its counter part
Wandering aimlessly
Hopelessly
Amidst the heavy morning fog, I gaze out into what seems like an endless haze, just waiting.
Waiting for my better half
Wondering why not me?

Countless romances ending in despair
Excuse after excuse as to why our spirits arent meant to be
It leaves me asking myself why?
Leaves me wondering,
Why not me?

I've been told that chemistry is easy, but timing is the hard part
But why is this so?
If our paths cross and chemistry ensues how is this timing not right?
How is this timing anything but perfect?
For it takes perfect timing, perfect chemistry, and a perfect match for sparks to ignite
So please do tell how our timing was nothing but perfect
So really,
Why not me?

Poor timing is an age old excuse, but we have all the time in the world
A whole life full
For what is poor timing compared to an eternity?
If I can find the patience to give to you then time will never be an issue
For I can find patience for perfection
I can find patience for you
So now tell me, excuses set aside
Tell me really,
Why not me?

Why won't you let me give you my all?
Why won't you let love warm your heart?
Why won't you let yourself be happy?
Why not with me?

I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.

-Edgar Allen Poe

Maybe one day you will realise. Realise how much I truly do love you. You left me and I should have lost it all by now. Lost the thoughts. Lost the feelings. Lost the longing. Lost the desire. Lost the love. But when I close my eyes at night and lay my head down, I still feel your forehead nuzzled against my chin. I still feel your arms wrapped tight around my stomach while your fingers stroke my side.

Its been almost 2 years now but still not a day goes by that you dont linger in my thoughts. An unwanted guest. This must be true love. The kind you see in movies or read about in books. Because I know I would move mountains if you asked me to.

I know the pain you're going through now. After losing him. And despite you loving someone else, I do not love you any less. Or think any worse of you. Because the heart wants what the heart wants. And my heart has always wanted you, but even more always wanted you to be happy. It's been almost 2 years, and maybe if I wait 2 more your heart can be happy with mine again. Because I truly believe that our love was special. That our love could be eternal. And I believe in never giving up on something you believe in. And I believe in you. I believe in us. I always have and I always will.

So maybe now, now that you are going through and realise the pain that I've gone through, you will understand what true love is. Maybe you will understand that I have always truly loved you. Loved you more than anyone has ever loved anyone else. And maybe this epiphany of sorts will bring us together again. And two broken hearts can heal each other and once again become one, ignited with passion and by love.

Please tell me what its like, what its like to be you.
To be so perfect but so self loathed.
To be able to see the colors in the wind, but look right through the love that I cast on this world in your name as if I don’t even exist.

Please tell me what its like, what its like to be you.
To be so loved but be too good, too close to perfect.
To make grown men weep and come to their knees begging for a God to smile down upon them and heal the gapping holes in their hearts.

Please tell me what its like, what its like to be you.
To have known a soul that would literally shatter and rebuild time and time again for your company, for your mere presence.
To have everything you have ever dreamed of right in front of your very eyes but be so selfish that you continue to crave more.

You don’t want me…
You don’t even see me…
You don’t know what its like to be me…

Well let me tell you what its like, what its like to be me.
To be seen as tragic and flawed.
To have loved madly and deeply and be second best when my best is nothing less than I have given you.

Well let me tell you what its like, what its like to be me.
To have loved perfection more than life itself.
To have loved unrequited and to have knelt before God himself begging for mercy, for clarity, and for healing.

Well let me tell you what its like, what its like to be me.
To have known you is to have known an angel.
To have loved you and lost you is like looking into the very halls of heaven itself and being told you cannot stay.

I want you… more than ever.
I see you… as close to perfection as an earthly being can become.
I know you… and your struggles to succeed in this short life that we are gifted with.

I know you, yet you don’t know me.
I see you, yet you see right through me.
I want you, yet you will never, want me.

Please, want me.

10/4/2013

I want to take you away. Take you away, off on an adventure far far from here. To a place where no one knows our names, or cares what we look like or how goofy we act. To a place hidden in the woods and lost in time where the music we make can echo into eternity. A place with a grand history to explore as our future builds. A place where money holds no value and all that’s known is love. Because a wise man once said that “all you need is love, love, love, love.” And your love is all that I need. When my eyes rest at night I am happy but haunted all in the same dream. Dreams of your beauty dance through my head and all I wish to do is drown. Drown deep in conversation with you, as I get lost in your eyes. The only eyes I have ever known to be true. But those are only dreams, and I want to make memories. Moments to be shared with you. So let me take you away, to a far off place. Just you, I and Ry, no other company needed. For when someone completes you like you do for me, home is where the heart is, and my heart still beats for yours. So let me take you away, to a far off place and we can grow old and frail with each other. Sit on our rockers and watch while the kids play, you hum your tunes, while I smoke my pipe and know that this was the best life that we shared.