Yesterday tasted like teardrops
Each droplet the loneliest messenger
The saline was tougher than usual this time
It skipped my cheek bone
Lit up my taste buds like gunfire
And now my mouth is drowning in the vowels tomorrow has to offer

Yesterday felt like monster truck tire marks
On the junk car assembly line
Yesterday never felt this deadly before
Those weapons
The ones with dragons painted on the side
The big purple ones with names like Beast or Destroyer
With fire decals that looked fake enough to smile at
Were real enough to crush us
Crush yesterday
Crush everything we always wanted to be
And I've never been so ready for nothing to exist

Yesterday sounded like daffodils in December
The silence only former lovers know
Each petal looking for one last chance you know it doesn't deserve
Yesterday sounded like a good time to give up
To get the hell out of here
Yesterday makes a fool of the horizon
Pretending there is nothing worth searching for
Like there is nothing left at all

It’s morning
Today hits you in the forehead with a spitball
Grabs you out of bed
Points you to the windowsill
And smiles

You turn around
Bed just out of arm's reach
But today taps you on the shoulder
Leans in and whispers the good news mom used to leave you with at the bus stop
It blends in with the cool breeze for a moment
You go outside
Grab that jacket your grandmother bought you last Christmas
Zip it up right above your bellybutton
And remember the wind can give the best advice

Today brought you your favorite mixtape
The one you left in your high school locker
And today likes the stereo real loud
You cruise with the windows down all day
You drive west
Swear you can beat the sunset
You imagine you're driving a monster truck
And you destroy today
Take everything you ever wanted back
You see yesterday in the rear view mirror as you approach the beach

It's dusk

You smile

You jump right in the water and know there's no turning back

I, Lou Paloma, do hereby request that the following items be given to their rightful owners

To my dearest mother-
I leave you my promises
The ones tucked gently under my pillow
Unblemished
Those dreams I never mentioned
Keep them safe
Make sure no one ever knows I cared

I leave you a brother more adequate of your affection
More worthy of your testimony
Do not mourn me wild woman
I am leaving you with nothing
Soon, I will be nothing to you too

To Billy-
I leave you my body
Take me
This spoiled temple
And discard me like the heathens do
Transform me into nothing more than the dust that I deserve to be
Forget the rules you always follow
Forget about me brother
Burn me at the stake
And don't let the smoke settle

I leave you my wife
Take her
And see her as whole again
Pick up the pieces I left in the kitchen
On the living room carpet
Scattered across the tree lawn
And give them back to her
Like the pieces of jigsaw from Christmas morning
Watch her place each piece more confident than the last
Enjoy every move she makes- It will make you whole too

To Irene-
I leave you my house
The one I couldn't pay for
The home you never adopted
Make it your own
Treat it like you did me
Take those tender hands
Outline each crevice my fist created
Patch the holes when it starts to crumble
It will crumble soon

Oh Sweet Irene
I leave you my dignity
Set it like spare change on the nightstand
Knock it under the bed when the time comes
I leave you those scars
From the first time
And the last time
And every other time therein
I leave you with vows never honored
I leave you here without me
I will leave you alone now
Like you always wanted it to be

let there be no bitterness in my heart
no regrets, no judgement that berates
let me walk on my path,
let there be birds that shall sing
let there be joy in my heart
and may that be shared by those that I
might meet on my way

let me not value, nor pass sentence
let me not frown, or smirk
let me have my path that is radiant
with no system, nor ownership
free of labels
and may I walk that way, my own
let there be the sun, the moon and space
all things that exist, in their nature
and let those Mighty Here and Above
know I will not follow nor will be followed
and if it need be, may others be pleased
when they shall see me pass by

And to think
I thought of times
where compromise
confined us

The beauty
in your mind
that opened mine
revives my purpose

In case you forgot
that toolbox heart
you left out
has yet to return home