I wake up
Early
Cold sweats
breathing Barely
shaking
panicking
hardly managing
fidgeting
twitching
pulse rate, pitching
peeking
seeking
the next hit
deepening
the feelings
no healings
trying to speak n
muted by fear
alone for the weekend
craving for more
AM in the fours dark Sunday morns
crawling the walls
as well as the floors
only been hours
yet i crave more
how long till the next hit
two weeks or more
not drugs
nor gambling
no lust ridden rambling
but her taste to be sampling
the curves
her gaze
better than haze
the laughing fits stage
straight to the brain
its Stacey i crave
Again and Again

Imagine
waking up in darkness
not dusk
nor twilight
not dim
but no sight

Your eyes can see but there is nothing but black
You reach out your hand terrified
but nothing holds it back

You reach out for walls
or a door
or a surface
but there is nothing there but space

that is how I feel.

today i smiled thinking of death
its warm embrace hugging me
in to a gentle coma of everlasting sleep

then i frowned realising death was a dream
real one day

no doubt when i am in the midst
the midst of love
or passion
or ecstasy
when nothing makes me happier

that's when she will come
beckoning me with a playful hook of an index finger
with a wicked smile knowing i could not say no to her
like an addict
with a spoon,full of brown sweet powder

so for now
i will wait
enjoy what i have.

this is how i feel.

Stacey,
she is My love !
She makes breath an air ,an air that I ain't ever breathed
but lately,
within My heart
there's a sigh
a sigh inside
from which there's no relief
and I've tried and I've tried
and I've tried and  again
I've fought and I've tried and then I've given in
*** lately i'm not enough

there's 140 miles miles between
the kiss
and the hugs
all the things that we see
now stacey

I'm here alone
fighting and crying
My self into sleep the spaces
between us are to far to keep
hanging
on a wire

You know what?
You have ****** it!
You will wish You were never born
I will show You pain
again and again
I'll push
i'll poke
i'll anger
evoke
the feelings of fear
so far yet so near
i'll keep you hanging
always unsure
is it over
is it not
has he done ?
or forgot
wish i knew
You'll squirm
and You'll stew
You'll cry and You'll plead
i wont make you bleed
but i'll punish and pulse
Your heart will convulse
You'll pray to be dead
when i get in your head
what???
me?
forgot?
no , surely not
what you did
what you took
the thing
overlooked !
that's now made you pray
or to turn a new page in life's book
to late for that
i'll smile and i'll nod
like were all good
but i'll always be there
in the background
despair
its us
such a pair
such a terrible air
here's a river
cry in it
You made your bed
now go lie in it

If I could say
Just what You Mean To Me
Without Talking
Honey That Would be
So easy
My eyes would stare into Your being
like a Diamond that cuts through glass
My fingers would touch You
like a 6 pm summer sun
My lips would kiss You
like a thunderous cloud, barely felt but powerful
My arms would hold You
like a blanket on a December morning  
My Heart would beat
like a marching Army
My smile would sing to you
like a million sonnets
I would make love to you
like the heavens have opened up their gates
I would write You a poem
like THIS! X

We argue
She leaves
Not to come back
I drink
I think
I sit
I slit
but wait
A noise
The front door goes
My blood it's soaks
From the hall " babe I'm sorry "
To late to worry
I'm numb
Its cold
Sorry to late
Sorry to old

silence in my look
I make no eye contact in bitterness
To the ones who have hurt me
In fact I look as though friendly
They don't know what's brewing

Days
Weeks
Months
Will pass
We will talk between now and then
As if old friends
But inside I'm hatching
The fire burns deep
You hurt me too much
It ruins my sleep
My hands fight in flinch
But I keep it at bay
The evil pushes through me
To scary to free

It's been 2 years
And today is your time
Revenge is here
It's your final day
The day when you see
The damage inflicted
Unpunished
Unpredicted
You won't see it coming
As if from a mile
10 seconds to go
9 seconds till "pounce "
8 seconds  to smile
7 seconds to breath
6 seconds left now
No time for deprive
5 seconds  away
4 seconds from time
3 seconds to go
Your breath will be mine
2 seconds from rapture
The clock has you run down
1 second I'm here
My vengeance is now.

She sits and a I walk
She looks right at me
She smiles then sets back
She know what's to be
I hold out my hand
I extend it out wide
She grabs it to shake it
Now it time for the line
I'll end it with this despite what you think
I look in eyes my revenge is so sweet

My revenge is not pain
Or evil retreat
Not inflicted or hurting
No one is beat
My revenge is just words


" I'm happy now without you
That's all I wanted to say "