These ***** ****** they want to **** me with their devil horns, probably because I'm above the norm, or maybe just because I'm normal. I'm always invited to the party, but it's never formal. Walking down the corn rows, a little child is chasing after wielding a knife of some sort. I stop and smile back and we both erupt in laughter. Skating by the pasture, maybe I just shouldn't write, maybe I should end my life. I don't know who can save me. I feel like all my friends deep down they hate me. It doesn't matter anyway, they're all complacent, mangy little hippy wannabes. None of you could match any one of me because you can only see as far as eyes can see and I can see that you've been so blatantly dishonest and untruthful. I hope you die in a bowl of cereal because you're all a bunch of fruit loops. God if you're there please show me your sympathies and destroy all of my enemies. I can  sometimes hear the symphonies while I'm overdosing choking on *******. Hopefully I'll die in infamy something like Cobain. I had a nine millimeter once and tried to blow out my brain, but it jammed. Maybe I'm just ****** to living this awful life. That's capital punishment if you ask me. Only if I died would I truly be free. Sink me in a ship at the bottom of the sea.

Sometimes I feel stuck in the matrix, complacent, I know you don't want me to say this, but I'm just impatient to make it better because it seems like it's now or never. Will we ever end up together, only time will tell. Many people talk to me as if I was well, well I'm not. The thought of losing you makes me weak and unable to speak for I'm ashamed to see the pain in your eyes that I've inflicted. Our love is constructed but I'm addicted to you. Every thing has fallen apart because of my choice to neglect you. My heart is pounding with sorrow when you tell me that you feel like you were just used and borrowed. I can't promise tomorrow, but I can promise this is from the heart. I want to start again and befriend one another then once again become lovers. I love no other, although it may seem like a lie. I've let you down and those who support me. Teleport to me.

A clock tower chimes gracefully in the distance.

My time has ceased to exist long before I ever got the chance to see it, I've missed it.

The virtues that I long for dwell not in this forsaken world.

No longer will a boy grow tall and strong.

Now he will complain of the strain and pain inflicted by the selfish souls that pre existed.

My time has came and went, but I seem to have missed it.

I'm a killer, blood red. Heart filled with confusion and body disillusioned.

Blood in blood out, this is the life I chose and I don't care whether you think its right or wrong.

I spend my nights out, but don't be scared, theres nothing to fear.

Into this world we're born, and in this world we'll die.

Family will cry, but not a tear in this eye for I have seen the dream so many of you claim to be the ambition for fame, torn and burned.

Scorched are the bodies of lust and deception that neglect to respect my ethic.

Don't test it just accept it my dear.

Sometimes everything seems so out of hand and it makes me wish that I could be a better man. I'm so blessed to call you mine. Someone like you is so hard to find. Truly someone like you is so hard to find and I'm blessed to call you mine. In time everything will be okay, just know tomorrow there's a brighter day. You've gotta learn and do it in your own way. Don't let a fool teach you that you have to be a certain way. Success comes in all shapes and forms. Just know that you're above the norm. There'll come a time when I'll be in your mind but I wont be there. Just know that I'm with you and I'll always care. It may be hard to understand but, just know tomorrow I'll be a better man.

We're living in a world like the matrix. All we can do is try to make sense of one another's actions and be patient. Reality truly is only what you make it to be. Everything you see is energy, neither created, or destroyed. When we deployed our troops overseas did we ever see the underlying reason. Too many of us are more concerned with the shifting of seasons (The news.) Sometimes I believe it's the eye in the pyramid, then I remember that evil is what you make it, that's why I became a Mason. Its ironic that Saddam was going to sell the oil for Euros. Then Bush came into power and the federal bureau blew up the towers only hours later, we as a nation received confirmation that Iraq was our target for invasion. But how can we blame them as we fuel our cars with the blood soaked tar sands from this foreign land that none of us care to know. Why should we show compassion for fallen soldiers that gave their lives so we would have automobiles that drive. It seems that our demise was prophesied way back in biblical times. I don't find it likely that we'll open our eyes to the lies fed to us from birth. This is my home, this is planet, Earth.

I love how the rain strikes the ceiling panes, subtly inducing this feeling of desire to contemplate anything and everything that carries weight, or has meaning. Maybe I'm just dreaming.
You are, the death of me.

My character has been strained far enough, stained with blood. Why couldn't I have been the model son that maintained his grades, giving way for a better life, for not only myself, but my family. You are, the death of me.

I feel lost in the matrix, searching for the one that'll give me their heart without competition and ulterior intentions detrimental to our friendship. My thoughts are dark, clouded with confusion. I feel used. I feel clueless to that fact that I was naive enough to think you'd ever have my back. You are, the death of me.

A storm is conjuring, building momentum. When the fame comes, I'll have no choice but to forget them. I've always felt that I was from a different dimension, but have never felt the need to mention this to anyone. Because you were, the death of me.

You've been on my mind for some time and I can hardly let it go. I've been trying to find something as incredible as you and I for all my life. You've had me thinking we're inevitably meant to be something special, and the feeling hasn't changed since the day I met you.
You dress and express yourself in a way that words can't explain or describe how inimitable the vibe. Nevertheless it doesn't really seem odd to me because from my perspective your life has been nothing short of an odyssey. You're kiss is like a drug to me you see, and the way we look into one another's eyes is so heavenly that I can't help but let myself be drown in your beautiful melodies. I want to show you that my heart is serene despite the tragedies that have befallen upon me, and that my soul is gold, a true gift from the heavens above to the woman whom I may choose to love. You destroyed my belief in a preconceived image of beauty in such a way that conveys the picture clear as day. It's not hard to see how strong and sweet your desires for intimacy can be simply because I genuinely treat you differently. That's what makes you irresistibly tempting. I want to feel that feeling of love again. I need you to be a lover but most importantly, a friend. And so it begins, can we withstand the temptations of sin and lust? I believe you should know that I'm someone to trust because my intentions with you are anything but. I hope you can understand the sense in which I arrange these sentences if you really think about it, the possibilities are quite endless. So let me end this by saying thank you and that I appreciate every second you take and give to me.

I heard three knocks on the temple door. Once opened, I was knelt before the alter of christ with my sight taken; the picture was dark as night. My hand rested upon God's word, and there I was bare. There's no turning back I thought to myself. Once my eyes were enlightened and vision was restored, the chamber was black. Only three lights remain, these were candles thats soft glow illuminated the faces of my fellow Masons as they encircled me. To most it's not everything it seems to be. To me its much deeper still, than knowledge can provide, or a heart can feel. I know not of an explanation, so if you ask you'll leave without answer. The initiation of a mason is sacred, the body is theirs, but the blood is yours within these doors. If you may as much as dispose of the secrets bestowed upon your being, you'll likely be seeing a grave of shame. This is what's promised to me, I take it as anything but a game.

You were everything I wasn't but I hoped to be. I suppress the thought of you, buried deep off in my mind, but I still think of you from time to time. My mother lost her child in the 4th grade, it must've been hard for her to accept the change in me, from sweet and innocent, to stressed and insolent. There were times when I had to raise my self, that's probably why I've never been able to ask for help. Now that I'm older I need it the most, but who can I ask? There were days after that I would pray for death, but who would be there as I exhaled my final breath. I could never see them again so I felt as though there was nothing left but death.

Near the bridge by the lake awaits a looming mistake for the one that takes my hand. I'll toss you over the edge like a careless leaf petal that somehow found its way nestled in between my finger tips. They act as wings whirling at immense speeds giving the machines levitation calmly but surely a preemptive strike on this game some would label life is soon to come. The body lays still at the bottom of the riven hard and statuesque as if it were conceived of stone. Sooner or later, someone will find you. I'll forget you.

I pray to god, I'm in need of relief because this LSDs' got me thinking oceans deep while I attempt to sleep my reoccurring dreams pause, rewind, play then repeat. A drug so sweet, but taste so bitter, shamefully you're what got me through that cold December. I can't remember exactly our last encounter together when ever or where ever we are the thought of you never strays to far from my reach. I feel inclined to sleep in the bed I made so it would be a shame to blame such a beautiful thing for causing me so much pain and unrest. I used to smoke to ease the stress and abuse *** which led to a bed full of women with only that of lust as their sole intention.

By A Former Student For The Student

        See that this program is designed to encompass most aspects of students lives, this means that you’re the most important variable in this equation; without you, the student, there is no SUCCESS. Treat your teachers with respect and you can expect that they’ll do everything within their ability to help you in anyway they can, whether it be with your school work and path to success, or just simply having a friend to confide in. Everything you need to be successful is within your reach here.
        Understand whatever your past or current circumstances, there is nothing holding you back from doing what you want with your life. Bad experiences may or may not have come your way, you’ve probably made some mistakes, just know that these things don’t have to impact your life in a negative manner or inhibit your success. You are the past, present, and most importantly, the future. The goal here is to see to it that you do something amazing with that future.
         Care about being a part of SUCCESS and how others perceive you as a SUCCESS student. When you leave this building and venture out into the world, you are a representation of the program. Your actions directly reflect not only yourself, but the people that make this mission possible. Show them that you appreciate the privilege of being a part of such a worthy cause. Be proud to be in SUCCESS.
         Courtesy is a must; confrontation is a bust. If you have a confrontation with one of your peers or a faculty member, be courteous and solve it without a physical or verbal altercation. There has never been a fight within these walls, so we would greatly appreciate that it remains that way. It’s simple, treat others the way you want to be treated.
         Empathize with your classmates and understand that some of them may be having problems at home or school. Take it upon yourself to see if you can possibly help in any way. Be that person that could make a difference in someone’s life by simply being kind. You’ll always be a stranger until you introduce yourself.
           Service is a significant part of being in SUCCESS. This is a way for you to give back to your community, practice selflessness as well as work to benefit children that need your help. Be a role model to these kids, instill in them the realization of the importance of education. Don’t ever let them settle for less than they’re worth, everyone has something special they can bring to the table, some people just need a little positive encouragement to unveil it.
         Seniors, lead the way. Set the bar, as well as an example for the underclassmen. You foster more of an impact than you could ever imagine. If you’re reading this, the best advice I can give is to make the most of the time you have left; leave behind a legacy that you’ll be proud of in the future and one in which others will strive to follow. Take what you’ve learned from the SUCCESS experience and apply it. You will always remember being a part of SUCCESS.

Initially, I didn't know what to expect on my first day of service. I wasn’t sure how the student’s or teachers would respond to having me in their classroom considering the trouble I found myself in last year. I wasn’t sure if the teachers would know of my suspension and fear me as being a violent person. Fortunately to my surprise, none of the teachers have treated me any more or less. I Often find myself feeling inadequate to an extent at times, not having any classes at the High School. Having to tell them that I’m attending the Alternative school, I can see the disappointment in their reaction. That isn’t only with my former teachers, but anyone in general.  
                My first day of service Becky greeted me with open arms, making the experience all the more welcoming. She introduced me to the class as a teacher and not as another student. This in respect gave me a profound sense of purpose, like what I was doing there may have meant something to her. I see this all as a learning experience, but isn’t everything in life. A testament, or trial if you will of one’s personal character. How much can you take? How many times can you be knocked down and rise above to overcome and persevere, finding success in the face of opposition.        
           I feel as though there are just as many of those who want to see me fail as there who want me to succeed. I’ve been to Hell and back and back again, nevertheless I’ve always managed to maintain a positive aura and keep a sensible charisma about myself. I want to think of myself as being a role model to these kids. I try and be just that when I sit in for classes at the middle school. I know that it’s a normal human interaction to learn from what you see. I believe that with all my heart and soul to be true.  
             We don’t have any real leaders. Ones that are trying to help our kids with life, and telling them that everythings going to be alright. If a child doesn’t have a role model in their parents, then what do they have? Our generation seeks advice to their problems through false idols that make us feel incompetent for not being as beautiful or having as many riches or material possessions. I want to make these children feel that they can confide in me for guidance.
          Through this experience I’ve learned to except the task at hand and carry on. To maintain your stature when a problem arises. No matter how hard things may get, giving up and giving in are not optional for me anymore. I want to teach these students that life is going to throw obstacles in their paths to test their strength and resilience and how you handle these situations ultimately shapes the person you will become. You may not always agree with an assignment a teacher gives you and if you choose not to do the assignment, you’re only hurting yourself, the teacher doesn’t have anything to do with your success or failure. Whether you succeed or fail is directly attributed to the effort you put forth.

When negative things happen to people, they do one of two things; they’ll either choose to bow to their misfortune willingly permitting the consumption of themselves by it, or they’ll see these affairs as opportunities to acquire new knowledge. During a child’s development, it’s so crucial that they be nurtured and cared for properly. A child deprived of affection is just another statistic waiting to happen. Very rarely does an individual with a traumatic childhood rise above to overcome. It’s a shame really, because most people know the universal codes of ethic, they simply don’t have the will power to apply them to their life. Too many feel sorry for themselves and forfeit the race with the mentality that they weren’t given an equal chance to succeed, so failure is okay.
            I see signs clear as day and most really are nice as may, but some tell of trials that lay ahead. A man is tried his whole life by forces. Newton’s third law of motion states that, “For every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction.” To me this not only applies to science, but everyday life in general. For every action you make inadvertently effects so many other things. If ever there were a time in my childhood that I strayed from that line of ethic, my mother was always there to redirect me. She often spoke in terms that a child couldn’t possibly understand, here I am now all these years later still trying to decipher the meaning in her words. I have frequent flashbacks of our conversations. It seems so surreal that I can remember her words even after all this time. I don’t think we ever really forget the lessons that we’ve learned, we’re just comfortable refraining from exploring the archives in which they’re stored.
             Early on in high school I was overly embraced by the upper class-men; out of this came many new friends. I became acquainted with a group of kids that hardly set a good example for me, let alone anyone. Long story short, I experienced so many grown things very early on. I wonder sometimes if I could go back and wait until I was older to experience these things, if I would choose to do so. Although being a witness and participant in these crude teenage undertakings, I feel as though I wouldn’t be who I am without having experienced those things like, relationships, partying, and all sorts of mischief; I won’t go into detail for reasons of national security.
             I started down a path that led to no future for success. Ironically, I’m in the SUCCESS program now and I’ve never been more successful at doing the things I’m passionate about. Once I got suspended from school, I had to make a choice which path I was going to take. The universe gave me a chance to leave behind the sinful things I was becoming a part of and I’m proud to say that I took that chance and ran with it, never looking back. This has been such a great adventure with so many ups and downs, thankfully there were enough positives to balance out the negatives. Most people in my situation would say that they hated high school, but I don’t see it that way at all. Any negative things that happened to me were simply a result of my own doing. I had to sleep in the bed I made, so I can’t really resent or blame anyone else but myself for any bad experiences I encountered.

I want to be a play write or a poet, maybe an actor or musician, just be somewhere I can show it. I only want to be seen as equal, not be looked upon as being devilish and deceitful, like politicians. Now come see, be my witness. I want to be one with the people, spread positive words and use my life for something meaningful. Maybe I'll be a war hero for my nation, **** innocent people over religion and where it's based in. Travel across the earth to foreign soil, Iraq or Syria and ****** them for their oil. The plot is set in stone never to be foiled. Maybe I'll be a scientist, and aspire for intellect, flaunt how intelligent I am and earn everyone's respect. It's something to expect, not to be undermined, when I reminisce over you, my god. My thoughts through this screen I'm giving to you, I hope you feel what I'm saying and maybe put it to use, spend your life and do whats right, forever seeking the truth. I'm a brother, I'm your family and I'll forever be here for you.

The break through infinity, infanately is given the chance to see life so vividly. Lucid our imagery, for we know not what to feel, what we're feeling is it real? A feeling surreal, The paper ingested now tearing the seal on your spine, intertwined by the helix, distorted with time. Slipping into a world full of translucent images, I proceed to lose my heart and now my powers' limitless, asking to myself, "how could I envision this?" I think about my past, bow my head and now I reminisce. Bleeding for your love, why'd you have to leave me, I hate when I was at my worst that you had to see me. Dreams of you, they seem so vivid, when you speak to me it's like almost as if you're still here and I can't help but miss it. Suddenly I awake and it's the same old view, a haze I struggle to see through, continuously keeping me from you. Beginning to cry for the beauty is bright, swimming through a sea of illustrious light. Transparent as phosphorus in the waters at night. Time becomes an illusion, replaced by confusion, should you run or should you walk, may I think or should I talk. If I did would they know, while the delusions begin to grow, rapidly, while higher beings can't even fathom me, call it a tragedy, or call it what you will, all I'm certain of is that I'm not sure of how I feel.

Along the watch tower, they come and they go, intermissions can wait, and that's something to know. Search and you'll find, a new disposition, don't wear it too long, girl just sit back and listen. Come be my witness for love not to lust, I promise to you that i'm someone to trust. Your temptations of me, I can accept and let free, if anyone came to know they'd **** us for sure. So for now lets just wait and keep our love pure. I know that you're older but that shouldn't detour you, yes I'm still young, but give me this chance, let me ensure too. I can satisfy you, maybe radify you, physically and mentally, touching your body, you feel this was meant to be, see what you mean to me, and what I can do, our love is quite special, and that I can prove, erratically I'd say it comes naturally so what's there to lose. We're not together right now, but I'll be your's forever, no matter how vein or gray turns the weather, don't wonder wether, it's right or it's wrong, I'll be of age soon, it won't be to long now, that wall that you built up, I know I can tare down, sensation with no patience, you've kept me waiting this long, your beauty is radiant, emitting the notion, one that you want me as your plan set in motion. Give me all of you, I'll be your sweetest, your utmost serenity, give me this dance, and you may just as well be, my love for infinity.

You brought me to god in such a way these written words cannot convey or express so you mustn't detest what I'm about to say. You may ask how so, why here, why now, but even I don’t know the answer I seek. All I can do now is put my heart into the words I speak. Your decision to leave has left me weak at the knees. You've put a lock on my heart and stolen the key, why can't you see that I'd bleed for you. I hope I find some rhyme or reason because love is in season and I need you to believe that I can alleviate and remove the weight resting upon your shoulders. Why can't we grow closer while becoming wiser and older for when the nights grow longer and colder I'll be there to keep you warm, love and protect you. That was my promise at least. In genesis my only intention was your friendship, now I reminisce how It progressed so rapidly we couldn’t capture the beauty of patience does it make sense? You say we’re moving too fast, this is true yes, but is it a test questioning the validity of my claims to never be the same as my father and to love you as I would my own daughter. A promise to my mother when I’m with you there’s no other. I cherish the days we watched the rain stream down my window panes, can you feel my pain? If I lose you I'm afraid things will never be the same. When you’re away I pray for the strength to explain the pain I feel. I can no longer conceal my promise to be a better man, I can achieve it just maybe with you in my hand. I continue with genesis because as I read these memories I can’t help but think about the love we shared or way we cared for one another. If I had a second chance to meet from a glance I would do things differently to ensure that you wont forget me.  I think its godly the way that I undress your body and oddly you don’t stop me despite the fact that you told me to leave and never come back. But I stayed, must've been so you could play with my broken heart. The pieces are scattered by all the women that really mattered in my life. Truth is, I've never had a love like this so I'm not about to give you up that quick.

Do you ever feel the presence of someone watching, standing at the door, but never knocking. To afraid to enter, for what you may see, so you always sit and wonder what it really could be. Maybe the sixth dimension, you feel inclined to bring it up, but fail to mention. The complexity is testing me, Taking me to my limits, Walking through the dark I can never feel diminished. So tired of writing sad songs, but then again the happiness I seldom feel, it doesn't last long. All of my feelings on this paper, I've given to you, just know that all the things I say, they really are true. I did a lot of bad things in the days of my youth, I'm sure I'll pay for when I meet my moment of truth. But until that day, I vow to be better with god on my side guiding me through the weather.

Periodically atoms interchange,                 Alchemy is tested,
Never truly explained,
Spending his time,
Searching for the,
Golden molecular change.
Love is lost,
Feelings are forgotten
Covalence the cost,
For exploring possibility,
Finding the base,
From which to,
Synthesize and erase,
Time is wasted,
And never cherished,
Family leaves him,
Hes gone mad,
Pursuit of gold,
Taken the toll,
No turning back,
The alchemized soul.

Lying beneath the moonlight,
Thinking for hours, I lay awake for coming are the meteor showers,
Could there be other forces of benevolent powers, Taught the understanding that this world is truly ours. But is it? A question asked so cataclysmic. I lie awake and now i wonder, Can this decision be made by one man, without another? Of course not, not by the moral standards we're all taught. From birth, let me ask what on this earth, Could make you want to cause such devastation. I don't think you truly understand the sciences behind the forces you threaten to exert. Are you really making this quest for what its worth? If you were there's not a question in my mind that you'd seek other options. Because the choice that your contemplating isn't just by any means, it's cruel, and quite lawless. A flash comes a bang, the wave is hyper sonic, theres something sinister to it, You can't seem to reason or find your logic, what's happening to your body is microscopic, I'm talking sub particles, it's atomic. If you're lucky enough to survive, thank your god that you're alive. I pray he'll shield your eyes from what their about to see. The mind will become sick and the air thick with uranium hard to breath. To other souls Theres something beautiful to it, the coming of wars and the nuclear movement.

Poetry and passion,
Royalties and acid,
Melting of skin,
The journey begins,
Temptations to sin,
Lust and fall,
A care given,
Never at all,
Love is art,
A feeling secure,
Into thy heart,
Forever so pure,
I love you,
At least sometimes,
That I'm sure,
Meeting our fate,
Would you wait,
For me now,
Until heaven's gates,

As I lead you to serenity over the bridge by the lake where the flowers bloom at day break, we'll stop to sit if only for a bit to ponder our woes, worries, and our fits. I'll school you in life and all of it's riches, teaching you how infinite we are, the possibilities are endless. This isn't a love poem, nor sad, but one of proposal in which I'm sure you've not had. Take this chance to grow closer, for when the nights grow long and colder, I'll be there to keep you warm, love and protect you. I saw the light within you from the first glance. It's some years later now, here I am asking you for a chance to dance and take you on trip to the outer most. Back then I was young and immature, but my feelings for you today are entirely sure. I want to be your's and that's all there is to it. These feelings I convey to you with hidden metaphors hoping you explore the meaning in the words I speak to their core. What is it you seek? What are your desires? Your heart I'll inspire to soar higher and higher until we reach the heavens. With each passing day I come to wonder when I may call you my own. I know it sounds absurd, but I knew from the start that you were meant to be a part of my life. Can you imagine, a fairy tale ending spending our lives together forever no matter the weather we'll brave the storms. You don't have to search anymore, I'm right here and that's clear.