"Life Without You""Life Without You"

Mountains of colorless dreams,
Hold the now, distant memories.
Oceans full of salty tears,
Hold the aweful crys of children and peers.
The land of childish toys,
Brought the feelings of happiness and joy.
The beautiful meadow,
Where she first met her handsome fellow.
Old song lyrics play for everyone to hear,
As if nothing ever disappears.

Shards of a once broken heart litter the ground,
Angry monsters hide in the darkness, awaiting to be found.
Broken shoes and ripped up jeans,
Thrown away back when the were teens.
Pictures from when they were children fall from the trees,
The music continues to be dragged on through the breeze.
A trench is nearly filled from letters they never sent,
In there are 100's of different content.

They keep traveling for what they are looking for,
For the need is to much to ignore.
Finally, they finally see the setting sun,
And started to run.
Over a hill, and through a forest,
They finally crossed a bridge, just as promised.
And suddenly it came into view
They felt as if they got a case of deja vu.
They had finally found what they had came for
It was so close, just across the shore.

They had finally found,
The Valley of Future Memories.

I feel like the whole world is pushing me
Pushing me to my knees
I collapse under all the pressure
I let out a high pitched scream
The world laughs at my attempts to fight back
To fight back and forcefully react
My attempt is passive
I fall down with impact
The world makes me lose my mind
Lose my mind and slowly is killing me inside
I fall as they tear my heart open
They then make me blind
I'm wishing they would just **** me
**** me now because I have already accepted defeat
They ask if I have any last words before I die
I say "Just finish me off so I can be free"
I wake up in a familiar room
The sun is shining so I assume its the afternoon
I get up, glad it was all just a dream
And I let out a sigh of relief
It was just a nightmare I tell myself
But know I know there is such thing as Hell
I go back to my bed and lay back down
And go back under the sleeping spell

That day she walked away
was the day my world turned grey
My life went colorless
I became powerless
I felt as if the world was crumbling down
I felt as if I was going to drown
In my own tears

Now about 8 years has passed
and by her memory, I am still harassed
She won't let me be
And I am not able to flee
She still visits my mind
and it is causing me to be blind
To the world around me

I can still see her face
It is something I am not able to erase
I wish I could see her now
because she is something that I cannot live without
Not being able to see her makes me feel so much pain
It's like my world receives no sunlight and only rain
My life is falling apart at the seems

Maybe if I just laid here
All my feelings of grief will disappear
My hurt that she chose "it" over me
The sorrow from realizing that her getting better can't be foreseen
The regret of not trying to stop her from running away
And as a result, my world feels like its under the wrath of Pompeii
My soul is slowly burning away

She is my world
Even if I might not be hers
I will always be there for her
Even though she has never been there for me
I have already forgiven her for the things she did
Even though my other family hasn't
I will love her
Even if she isn't sure that she feels the same way
I will never forget her
Even if she has already forgot me
And, I will never give up on her
Even if no one else believes in her
Because no matter what,
I will always love her!

I can't believe its been:
another day
another week
another month
and another year without seeing her

I have begun to think she will come back
ready to take her place in my life and heart

I believe a girl should not be without her mother
Just like a boy should not be without his father

To me,
Its no life to live

Lately I have been wondering
What she would say if she could see me now

Would she say she loves me
Or would she call me a sinner
Would she call me a loser
Or would she call me her baby girl
I wonder if she could see through my mask
Through my disguise

And most of all
I wonder if I could finally tell her the truth

The truth you might ask?
Its hard to say
But I'll tell you
Since I'll have to tell you
For I need to get ready for the day...

I will say..

Mom,

I truly wanted to be like you at one time
But I never got the chance
And I guess that was a good thing now
Because your now not the person you once was
and,
If you would have wanted to
They could have saved you
But you said you would never give "it" up
not even for me

Honestly,

I've been so lonely without you here
I feel like there's a big part of me missing
And I can't seem to find it.

But I know one thing..

I miss you.

If today was our last day
What would you say?

Would you give all your possessions away
Or would you hide it all in a cache

Would you finally get on your knees and pray
Or would you let yourself go down on Judgement day

Would you say goodbye to all your family and friends
Or would you never try to make amends

Would you give all your riches to the poor
Or would you think that is something you would deplore

Would you say sorry for all the bad things you have done
Or would you just leave that chore undone

and most importantly,

Would you be ready to let go
Would you be able to reap what you sew

Would you be able to leave the past behind
Never again to unwind

What would you do if it was your last day?