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grey Apr 2020
Seasons come and go,
years float by
and the earth keeps on turning.
But for me to grapple with the fact
that I am no longer sixteen
and hopelessly, desperately in love
or how I am no longer 14 and
believing myself to be immortal,
is much, much harder then I ever thought
it would be.
grey Aug 2019
nothing is true and everything is bland
you're naive for thinking otherwise
we're force fed these stories
of princesses and castles and love and friendship
but nothing is true and everything is a lie
you'll thank me late for ripping that off
love will end and trust is dead
you're naive for wanting otherwise
grey Jul 2019
funny isn't it
been four years and suddenly i'm back
but it's not you this time
someone else
trust me, i'm shocked as well
it's actually really nice to like someone romantically
and still know that they don't feel the same way
there's no pressure
no labels to conform to
just my feelings and not theirs
and i think i prefer it this way
grey Jun 2019
in the morning i will walk away
pack away the wire and felt
chuckle awkwardly about silly things
pretend to have forgotten

but right now i am in your arms
my head is swirling
a kaleidoscope is forming around me
you keep me steady and focus my vision
i am overwhelmed and intoxicated
by you alone

and in the morning I'll forget
grey Aug 2019
I've was hung up on you when i was fourteen
you used to show up in cat ears
and band tee's and that stupid short hair
countless nights i dreamt of you
and that carried on until about 2 months ago
when i fell asleep and dreamt of someone new
a boy with strange eyes and a crooked smile
I've moved on and yet i feel im cheating
grey Jul 2019
it's easy i suppose
to ignore the neon pills
to look past the crumpled notes
to forget the stained face
but it wasn't easy i suppose
to ignore the teachers qualms
to look past the overnight stay
to forget the growing grudge

my life still hangs by a thread
but its easy i suppose
suicide wasn't something i attempted in order to hurt you, it was an escape. However, it hurt me that you saw all the warning signs, confronted me and STILL denied me help. STILL pretended it didn't happen. It took school intervention in order for you to even consider this was real, and even then you did it so you didn't appear as a bad parent. but go off i guess
grey Jul 2019
at this point in my life
you're more of an obsession than a love
no
not obsession
addiction
like a ritualistic inhalation of smoke just to feel dizzy
i'm at peace
with how i don't love you
now it's just a habit
grey Jun 2019
where was i?
i was fifteen and too old to be naive
too young to lose hope
too young to vote
too young to do anything except beg my parents for change
plead to the masses
go on a strike
it fell upon deaf ears and we left

where was i?
i was fourteen and british
and i still remember the sick feeling
the taste i couldn't wash away
the candle starts to dimmer
i still see my history teachers sullen face
as he taught us about a culture we're doomed to repeat
the world stood still and he got into power

where am i?
im seventeen and watching it happen again
another fool into power
my future being washed away
the candle has blown out
the culture from the west infecting us again
i hold my breath and watch silently

where am i?
im seventeen and forgetting
forgetting the humming fuzzes
struggling to breathe
i watch it cut down and set alight
another species lost again
my voice suffocated by silence
grey Jan 2020
didn't i?
did the lose and poorly hidden notes deceive you?
did the open jar of pills go neglected?
did the overt staring make you blind?
no?
shall i go more blunt?

did the frequent crying fits appear normal?
and the ice rink of my wrist?
was the isolation of it all a part of growing old?
no?
shall i go more blunt?

did the words,
"I think i might need serious help, I am not doing so well."
seem casual in prompt?
or
"April 29th is a rather nice day."
slip over your mind?

dare you ask me
"why didn't you ask for help?"
when not one person turned to listen.
grey Jun 2019
you cradle me
causing me to ****
and twist in front of you
you melt away in order for me to flourish
its all for you
i do this all for you
all things aside you're burning me
this was written about my old best friend who used to manipulate me and say she was the best person for me, and when we stopped being friends she told me no one would ever love me again. Taking a step back i can now see how unnecessary and hurtful that friendship was. On a lighter side this is my first poem not about Her which is itself a blessing
grey Dec 2019
the last words she said to me
or rather, typed;
"no one will ever love you
in the same way i have."
and the reason i turn back to you
every other month or so
is because you make me,
along with the other sixty beaus,
feel the slightest bit loved
grey Sep 2019
im doing it again
but i want you back
doesn't that count for something?
this isn't personal gain
but i don't want to hurt you
I'm a time bomb as it is

— The End —