is it a need to self destruct
or to just hurt others
i struggle to pinpoint
all i know is the moment i start feeling safe
that's when it needs to end

not so intense my heart hurts
in fact my heart doesn't react at all
home isn't with you but i enjoy your company
if a bullet flew i wouldn't jump
nor lay down my coat on a strangely deep puddle
but you let me rest my head on your shoulders
that's enough

funny isn't it
been four years and suddenly i'm back
but it's not you this time
someone else
trust me, i'm shocked as well
it's actually really nice to like someone romantically
and still know that they don't feel the same way
there's no pressure
no labels to conform to
just my feelings and not theirs
and i think i prefer it this way

im so tired of being sad
and spending my nights alone
with nothing but Morrissey's wailing
echoing in my room

its been seven months
nearly 8
since i last physically touched you
it was a hug goodbye
because we both assumed we'd meet again

sure i slipped here and there
while you were high
or when we matched on tinder
brief words between is
but its been seven months since we touched
and im determined to make it a year

or unnecessary pasta in my opinion
but who am i to argue with you
in my mind i know we have gallons back home
and will probably have more coming
still, you wanted to go to the shop.

we walked past the isle several times now
i don't have the energy to mention it
you'll only snap
you grab a bag more and throw it in the trolley
oblivious to the three bags already there
penne galore

it happens maybe once, maybe twice a month
when we actually eat the pasta
so i try not to let it build up
but you always insist we need more

your rationality makes me want to scream out blue
and throw sickles towards your already minted jacket
the world is bouncing
higgledy-piggledy
yet somehow you keep you feet firmly on the mountainous hills
ignore my pleas for the outer world
to stop blowing bubbles and snap them in half
or cause a sensation in a pool of tar
it must be exhausting to be unruly and rational