Putting those thoughts aside is equivalent to holding them inside this chrysalis. Trapping them within along with my soul. This hurricane is trapped and it turns out it had only been dormant for the time I thought I was healing. My biggest triumph in this life will be this battle within; an invisible fight that burns like fire.

Crying is such a blessing
We underestimate the beauty of the salty rivers streaming down our cheeks
Reminding us that there's still a piece of us that wants to get better
To weep is to release the pain
To stay quiet is to hold inside what should not stay within us
I was once on the cold floor
Looking up from below
A loud silence hovered over me
And I could not weep
There was nothing to come out
it was so deep within my soul;
The blade released what has been stuck
But now I feel everything
Release everything
And now I am sure that I am healing.
These salty rivers my favorite taste
The only release, pain's escape

darling I see you in my dreams
I feel you the moment I wake
love I feel you around me
I fall apart
because you're not there anymore
if I were to be back in your arms
it wouldn't be the shelter that used to hold me together
I believe that results in my loss of hope
the beautiful flowers you once grew have been stomped on by other temptations
and I still try to pick the long gone flowers of our disintegrating love

we are destroyed by what we love the most
as I lost this love
I was pushed into a pit
I see light as I look up
all around is darkness
in the depths of this lonely shelter
my only hope is for someone to pull me out
someone like him
who wants to fix me
who isn't trying to get something out of me
the rare one who isn't trying to receive my pity
I know there is hope
that someone will truly mend my wounds
for I can see the light above
maybe it will be I
or perhaps someone who I have yet to experience

yes, i fear being touched by another person
I will look into their eyes and only see the one I truly love
When I am touched I will feel his gentleness
And when in silence I will hear his soft breaths
When I close my eyes and lean in I will only imagine the way he feels
It is inevitable that I feel this way
I feel his haunting presence in my bloodstream
When i see him I hear a beating drum in my chest
One that is uncontrollable

if this love was true,
it will find its way back to us
because it wasn't us who left each other
It was the love that left us