2-29-16
With zoey on my mind
Dedicated to Zoey Maryann Lynn Sowers

She has his cheeks, his nose, his chin
Her hair and ears, she gets from him
We didn’t get to see your first lost tooth
We haven't got to see you shoot hoops
We weren't there for your first scraped knee
We didn’t see your first heartbreak
I know they are there, always by your side
Just wanted you to know, how much we love you
And no matter what our love for you can never die
My niece you are, my niece you''ll be,
From here until eternity. Perhaps that’s when
We will get to see all the beauty, love, and fun
Inside of you, believe, we did try, to be a part
When we stopped getting to see you it tore us all apart
Our hearts, yearn to see your beautiful smile
Our hearts, hurt to hear of you thinking you have a defeat
When I see your face, I glow inside, with pride
Knowing that you are my niece, and what a beautiful person you are
With time, and hope, and prayer perhaps, we will see you soon, in a little while
Wish we coulda see you all dressed up for soccer, with your cleats
Some day we hope we will be able to attend,
To see your face, one day as someone's lucky bride,
We hope that you will always know, somewhere in the deep
You are and always will my first beautiful niece, I will keep
The memories I had, the pictures to show, the bits
We got to witness, and be in your life.
I hear its by your choice, to not speak,
Or look at me. It hurts I wont lie
I'm your Aunt Hope, I always will be
I hope that I  am someone you will come to see
as your start the larger part of your journey
This crazy world we live in no doubt, it will be rough
I know though, what you have in you, you are tough
I guess I have to accept that I will just be the one who sits,
Who waits to see if you will ever acknowledge me.
I want you to know that through all this strife.
I am your Aunt, and will be praying.
For you to come through the other side,
Much stronger, even greater, and be able to have pride
In who you are, in what you can be,
in all this world we live in, know in your mind,
Perhaps just in mine, you will always have me,
If you need a shoulder, if you need a friend.
I would forever be there, my love for you is not pretend
My niece, you are, my niece you will be.
And I will wait patiently, and if only , to be
Just a friend, that is fine by me.
For an afterthought, my dear. You are my first niece ZOEY!

hypocrite
play
noun hyp·o·crite \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
Popularity: Top 1% of lookups
Simple Definition of hypocrite
• : a person who claims or pretends to have certain beliefs about what is right but who behaves in a way that disagrees with those beliefs
<http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocrite>
Full Definition of hypocrite
1. 1 :  a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2. 2 :  a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
hypocrite adjective

H2611
חָנֵף
chânêph
khaw-nafe'
From H2610; soiled (that is, with sin), impious: - hypocrite (-ical).

H120
אָדָם
'âdâm
aw-dawm'
From H119; ruddy, that is, a human being (an individual or the species, mankind, etc.): - X another, + hypocrite, + common sort, X low, man (mean, of low degree), person.

G5273
ὑποκριτής
hupokritēs
hoop-ok-ree-tace'
From G5271; an actor under an assumed character (stage player), that is, (figuratively) a dissembler (“hypocrite”): - hypocrite.

Full Definition of mortal
1. 1 :  causing or having caused death :  fatal <a mortal injury>
2. 2 a :  subject to death <mortal man> b :  possible, conceivable <have done every mortal thing> c :  deadly 3 <waited three mortal hours>
3. 3 :  marked by unrelenting hostility <a mortal enemy>
4. 4 :  marked by great intensity or severity <mortal fear>
5. 5 :  human <mortal limits>
6. 6 :  of, relating to, or connected with death <mortal agony>
natural
play
adjective nat·u·ral \ˈna-chə-rəl, ˈnach-rəl\
Popularity: Top 20% of words
Simple Definition of natural
• : existing in nature and not made or caused by people : coming from nature
• : not having any extra substances or chemicals added : not containing anything artificial
• : usual or expected
Full Definition of natural
1. 1 :  based on an inherent sense of right and wrong <natural justice>
2. 2 a :  being in accordance with or determined by nature b :  having or constituting a classification based on features existing in nature
3. 3 a (1) :  begotten as distinguished from adopted; also :  legitimate (2) :  being a relation by actual consanguinity as distinguished from adoption <natural parents> b :  illegitimate <a natural child>
4. 4 :  having an essential relation with someone or something :  following from the nature of the one in question <his guilt is a natural deduction from the evidence>
5. 5 :  implanted or being as if implanted by nature :  seemingly inborn <a natural talent for art>
6. 7 :  having a specified character by nature <a natural athlete>
7. 8 a :  occurring in conformity with the ordinary course of nature :  not marvelous or supernatural <natural causes> b :  formulated by human reason alone rather than revelation <natural religion> <natural rights> c :  having a normal or usual character <events followed their natural course>
8. 9 :  possessing or exhibiting the higher qualities (as kindliness and affection) of human nature <a noble … brother … ever most kind and natural — Shakespeare>
9. 11 a :  being in a state of nature without spiritual enlightenment :  unregenerate <natural man> b :  living in or as if in a state of nature untouched by the influences of civilization and society
10. 12 a :  having a physical or real existence as contrasted with one that is spiritual, intellectual, or fictitious <a corporation is a legal but not a natural person> b :  of, relating to, or operating in the physical as opposed to the spiritual world <natural laws describe phenomena of the physical universe>
11. 13 a :  closely resembling an original :  true to nature b :  marked by easy simplicity and freedom from artificiality, affectation, or constraint c :  having a form or appearance found in nature







so let it rip let it roar let it out hear my soar
My sigh of uncontent, in comes unrelenting
Always seeking more, more, more of me , more push me down,
More why didn’t you, more why haven't you, more why couldn’t you,
I a hypocrite, I know, I know it,
I am the addict who fights, to make it through the night.
I say just one more drink, until the bottles gone.
I say just one more hit, until, we crumple an empty bag.
I say just one more high, as I stick it in my foot, so that no one will see.
I say just one more donut, as we eat the very last one.
I say just one more 5, until, I now I lost my home.
I am a hypocrite, I am also human.
I am a hypocrite, I mess up, makes mistakes I forget.
I am a hypocrite, I only drink on weekends, but you should not smoke ****.
I judge you for sinning different, know why?
I am a hypocrite, I am also human.

I am the single mom, who said I'll never do that,
But when you see your baby cry, it should be why didn’t I.
We don’t know where we will go, we don’t know what lies ahead,
We don’t know what trials await, or what s around the bend.
We don’t know what our futures holds, who will end up holding us,
We don’t love, really, we are human, we know a bit.

We say don’t ****, but an unborn child is just, tissue,
We say don’t do drugs, but please do take this pill.
We say don’t steal, until we are the one who is hungry,
We say don’t ******, until, your family is threatened.
We say don’t covet, this or that, until its you, who has no shoe.
We say don’t lie, until, its you who child's life is in the balance,
We say don’t commit adultery, until, its your, husband you found cheating,
We say don't put anything before our GOD, until, its time to go fishing, (or watch the game.)
We say don’t give in, until, it s your pain, that’s killing you.
We say don’t give up, but please don’t ask me.
We say don’t go hungry, unless you smell too bad,

We say don’t let them , in until, that just so happens,
We say don't take it anymore, it doesn't help.
We say don’t think that way, unless that’s all you have ever heard,
We say don’t let your children, play that game, until that one day.
We say don’t feed your kids junk, but that’s all we can afford,
We say don’t work too hard, life will go by to quickly.
We say, I am not sick, as you sneeze and cough,
We say, I didn’t mean, to as we do it again,
We say, I didn’t mean it that way, but inside we really did,
We say, my undying love, as we give it to someone else,
We say, I'll never hurt you.
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

We say, I'll always be there for you, yet never answer the phone.
We say I'll always love my child no matter what, until, they say I'm gay,
We say I'll always be truthful, until, the truth just hurts to think,
We say I'll always be listen, when all we did was tell it to others,
We say, I'll help you with anything, and then you ask.
We say, I'll always listen, until we go to talk,
We say I'll help you anytime, except, Tuesday, at 2 o'clock.
We say, I didn’t mean to hurt, you, but we did it anyway,
We say, I'll never leave you, as we walk away,
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

We say I never drink, except, on weekends, occasionally on Wednesday, but you should not smoke ****.
Why I wonder is **** so terrible, in the minds of those who don’t smoke, but can drink on a regular basis.
Is alcohol better for you than ****. Just putting out an amazing truthful statement.
Alcohol is man made ..and who made ****?

We say I'll never let my kids get involved in drugs, except, the school says I have too because he has too much energy.
We say I'll never make my kid, angry, but as A PARENT, we should that is our job.
We say I'll never be that mom, who lets their kids, smoke, cigarettes, as we puff away.
We say I'll never judge them, unless of course they did ____.
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

I say I'll never trust again, as we pick a stranger up.
I say I'll never love again, like that, until we go all in, yet again.
I say I'll never forget, and what was it that happened again?
I say I'll never be mad about this, until, they spill it one more time.
I say I'll never hit again, but they made me so so so mad.
I say that I am a Christian, but can hurt my children behind closed doors.
I say that I am a Christian, but I will, cut down every other religion.
I say that I am a Christian, yet I swear like a sailor, or worse.
I say that I am a Christian, as I come to church hungover.
(side note, guess what JESUS LOVES, even after we mess up…..continually)
I say that I am a Christian, as I look down my nose, at those with tattoos.
I say that I am a Christian, but I won't look my neighbor in the eye.
I say that I am a Christian, but please don’t ask me, for help.
I say that I am a Christian, as I lock, my door, to hide, from others.
I say that I am a Christian, as in my mind, I am not really caring about what you are going through.
I say that I am a Christian, as I forget to read my BIBLE everyday.
I say that I am a Christian, as I forget to pray, for anyone.
I say that I am a Christian, although I never go to church.
I say that I am a Christian, but I can never spare a dollar, for the offering.
I say that I am a Christian, I judge every new person who comes to my church.
I say that I am a Christian, as I play with the devils toys.
I say that I am a Christian, as I pretend to be what others see.
I say that I am a Christian, as I talk ***** to a friend.
I say that I am a Christian, as I sell pills, when no one sees.
I say that I am a Christian, as I light up my pipe.
I say that I am a Christian, as I tell my kids to go away.
I say that I am a Christian, as I tell you, I love you, to your face.
I say that I am a Christian, as I gossip about what I know you did.
I say that I am a Christian, as I show up to church as late as I want.
I say that I am a Christian, as I never will, associate with those people.
I say I am a hypocrite. I know that I am human. I know a loving GOD.
I SAY I am a hypocrite. I know that I make mistakes. I know a forgiving GOD.
I say I am a hypocrite. I know I did it again. I know a merciful GOD.
I SAY I am a hypocrite. I know I lied to them. I know a faithful GOD.

I say I am a hypocrite. How can I be? How can I be, ? How can I be?
How can I be anything but human?
I know I try. I know I've tried. I know this, I know you've cried.
How can I not be a hypocrite. I quit again. It was so hard.

We say I'll never let my kids do that, except we do.
We say I'll never do that, then we did,
We say I'll never say that to my child, until, one day we did,
We say I'll never hit a woman, until, that day, she said something, I didn’t like so I did.
We say I'll never go all night without. And yet we did.
We say I'll never have a man who loves me, and then we find one, and we don’t know how.
We say I'll never be mean or hurtful, and yet that’s all we do,
We say I'll never tell, and yet from your mouth it comes,
We say I'll never become an addict, until I first shot up,
We say I'll never smoke cigarettes, until that first hit,
We say I'll never drink, my mom, did , no way, until your at college far away.
We say I'll never take from another person, until, its their husband you take from them,
We say I'll never use, until that one, at that one party, just that one time,

We say we need to slow down, as we rush on by,
We say we need to take our time, as we look for the short cut,
We say we need to look closer, until, that’s all we see is screen,
We say we need to dig deeper, yet there's nothing left to dig with,
We say we need a helper, until, its someone who helps us, we turn away,
We say we need a lover, until, the loving becomes too much,
We say we need more time with our family, and it’s the thing we most avoid.
We say we need more family's , but there's no time, we work too hard, have nothing left to dig with, we are busy with . Working to pay the bills to support our families (at minimum wage) when the price on everything has GONE UP. Who? What? When ? How? Will we ever, if we never.
Anyone know the answer…. I didn’t think so , but I know the One who does.
I am a hypocrite. I am also human.

I have a friend she's seems like royalty,
I call her a queen,
Her beauty demands to be seen
Her love is sure, and true.
Through whatever, she'll never leave you.
Her eyes, are like amber, and smooth, and deep
When she takes you as a friend, you are hers to keep.
Her prayers are heard from our Father, above.
She is true, to Him, and the one He gave her to love.

6/28/16

Sin tastes good on my lips
Man is this where I lose it
Sweet is sin on my lips
Words that hurt
Smoke that burns
Sugar that coats
****** words
Drinks that despise
Thoughts that criticize
Why does sin taste so good on my lips
When it hurts
When it burns
When it coats
When it turns
When its ugly
When its mean
IT makes NO SENSE
Can anyone explain
Why we try to condense
Instead of commence
To being kind
Just living to unwind
Helping others when you see a need
Instead of kicking them n watching them bleed
Why does sin taste so good
Why do I feel so misunderstood
I cant take this
Inside my head
Some one help cant you hear
I just want some bliss
I don’t want to feel so dead
Do you see my silent tears
When my day is done
I don’t want at the set of sun
I would rather be not riled
Or to feel so ragged n wild
This ache and burn
Makes my stomach sick, and turn
Will I always feel this way
Don’t worry tomorrow is a new day

I AM A SINNER SAVED BY GRACE. JUST LIKE YOU.
NOT THAT I CAN DO
WHATEVER I WANT TO
I AM SUPPOSE TO BE
A LIGHT AND LOVE TO
SHOW NOT JUST YOU BUT ME
HOW MUCH GOD'S LOVE CAN LEAD
HE IS THERE BEFORE HE HAS THE PLAN
YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE HE IS THE GREAT I AM

IF I SAID TODAY, I DIDNT KNOW
WOULD YOU STILL WANT ME, WOULD YOU SSTAY, OR GO
WOULD IT CHANGE IT ALL, OR WOULD IT REMAIN AND GROW
COULD WE BE WHAT WE ARE WHY NOT, I ASK YOU NOW
WHAT I FEEL IT IS SO STRONG SO DEEP SO SCARY THOUGH
I AM CONFUSED A LOT AND OFTEN TOO, I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW
THAT IS TRUE, I CANNOT PROMISE WHAT I DO NOT KNOW
I AM WHO I AM AND ALWAYS WANT TO GROW, NOT CHANGE TO FIT,BUT BECOME A BETTER ME.
AND MOST TIMES I'M GOOD ENOUGH, FOR ME WHEN I'M NOT IT REALLY SHOWS
YOU HAVE BEEN HURT ALOT, BY SOME, BUT WHY CAN'T UPI SEE. THEY ARENT ME.
I AM HOPE. I TRY HARD TO COPE WITH A LOT DAILY.
I CANNOT CHANGE SO MUCH SO FAST SO DRASTICALLY.
I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN,  YOU JUST MAY NOT WANT TO SEE
THAT I'M NOT ALL YOU CRACK ME UP TO BE , ALREADY.
                                                                   10/23/14

7216

You look at me and shake your head with disgust
Im bigger than you so there for I must
Have habits that are slovenly and unclean
Do you have any idea how much it hurts you are so mean
I try really hard to help family
My friends in need to keep myself and house happy
Its so hard in the world today to sit and be judged
It never stops no matter what I do I feel begrudged
All I want is to me and be accepted as I am
I just wanna put clothes on and a smile
You do know if you asked I would walk that extra mile
I feel like I am about ready to bust, just a ****
Built to hold back, don’t say that
Must be fitting to their idea, their mold
Just makes me want to shut down, ok got it just be cold
Hearted. To all. Really is that what works for you
I am kind, I am happy , I am polite, I am not like you
I am giving, helpful, considerate, caring
No you are not and do not, you are not bearing
The scars that hide, way down deep inside
You are not weary, scared, hiding like a child
I try so hard to just "fit in"
I just want to feel like once, "yes your in"
What tho the cost, make me unhappy
But look nice, appearance is skin deep
That is my take on it
I don’t care your tone of skin
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care what car you drive in
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care what side of town your on
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care how much money you make
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care what you have on your lawn
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care, if others say you are fake
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care what medicine you are prescribed
GOD made you YOU
I don’t care what they think, they say you lied
GOD made you YOU

WHAT'S A FATHER TO BE?
I DON' T KNOW , LET ME SEE.
ITS SAID THEY ARE KIND AND FRIENDLY
I'VE HEARD THEY ARE HONEST AND TRUE.
I'VE LISTENED TO STORIES ABOUT HOW THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO TREAT YOU
ITS BEEN TOLD , THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE WITH A HAND FOR YOU TO HOLD
SOMEONE ONCE SAID THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT
SEE I'VE ONLY HEARD THESE THINGS
IN REALITY I'VE BEEN CAUGHT
IN A FANTASY THAT MEN LIKE THESE
EXIST IN OUR REALITY
SOMETIMES IT IS SADLY A BRUTALITY
TO ACTUALLY HAVE A FATHER,
FOR HE IS JUST A MAN,
WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW,
HOW TO HANDLE HIS ANGER, AND HE LETS IT FLY BLOW BY BLOW
OTHERS THERE ARE THOSE, WHO WANT TO MAKE YOU TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES,
IN SADNESS, IN SICKNESS, THEY HURT YOU,
THEY TAKE AWAY YOUR FUTURE, YOUR SOUL
IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS NO LIGHT IN THIS BLACK HOLE
THERE ARE THOSE WHO SAY TOO MUCH
THEY HURT THIS WAY BY THE MEAN HURTFUL THINGS THEY SAY,
BELIEVE ME I KNOW PERSONALLY, A LIFE, LIVED, AND LEFT BEHIND,

I have met a man, who is KIND,SINCERE, FRIENDLY,AND ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. MY DAD, I LOVE YOU

I STAND OUTSIDE MY WINDOW LOOKING IN
HOW DO I START, HOW DO I BEGIN,
WITH WHAT YOU DON'T SEE, A PROBLEM,
IT IS WHO YOU ARE.
WELL MAKE A CHANGE
STAND UP TO THE CALL
YOU SAID YOU WANTED ME AND NOW IT SEEMS AS IF ALL IT EVER WAS WAS A DOOM
TO HAVE BELIEVED AND HOPED, YOU LOVE  
THE ONE WHO WANTED ME, TO LOVE TO HOLD ME, TO KISS ME, TO CARE FOR ME ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIFE,
WHERE DID HE GO, THAT MAN
INSIDE OF YOU DID HE SLIP OUT OR TAKING A BREAK
OR DIE?

HE JUST DISAPPEARED

SOMETIMES IT'S UNFAIR AND DOESN'T SEEM QUITE CLEAR
HOW TO THINK, HOW TO FEEL, HOW TO ACT
DO I ASK, DO I DARE, DO I BEG, HEAR UNFAIR
WHAT I ASK ISN'T MUCH JUST YOUR TIME AND TOUCH
YOUR LEADERSHIP WOULD BE WISE,
WILL IT EVER HAPPEN CAN YOU RISE
TO THAT JOB,YOU'VE BEEN CALLED
WELL, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE READY

YES I MADE IT THRU , YES
IM GONNA DO, JUST WHAT JESUS WANTS ME TO
ALL TO HIM I'D LIKE TO GIVE
BUT THIS FLESH KEEPS HOLDIN ME BACK
IF IT TURNS ON ME, IN THE DARK YOU SEE
EXACTLY WHAT YOU DONT WANT TO BE
I KEEP ON STRIVING AND BELIEVING, IN
ALL OF HIS MANY PROMISES

JESUS GAVE IT ALL, NAILED IT TO THE CROSS, NOT FOR IN VAIN, THIER WAS NO LOSS

ONLY GAIN FOR YOU & ME , THAT DAY
ON CALVARY, THE LOVE HE SHOWED FOR YOU & ME

HE COULDA CALLED A MILLION ANGELS
HE COULD CALLED AN ARMY DOWN
HE CHOSE INSTEAD TO LAY HIS OWN LIFE DOWN!

JESUS DID WHAT NO MAN COULD,
HE PAID THE PRICE
OF OUR SIN
ON THAT TREE
THEY CALL CALVARY,
OH WHAT JOY THAT SHOULD BRING TO YOU AND I

THE TEARS THEY FLOWED , THEY BURNED AND STUNG,

BUT NOTHING LIKE WHAT HE TOOK
WHEN HE WAS HUNG ON CALVARY

THE REJOICING SHOULD RESOUND
ECHOING THROUGH TH WORLD

THE SACRIFICE, HE PAID THE PRICE,
HIS LIFE, FOR OUR OUR SOULD, IN DANGER

WHAT LAY AHEAD, HE KNEW IT
WOULND'T BE THE STRANGER BUT ONE,
WHO CLAIMED TO FOLLOW IN HIS NAME

BROUGHT HIM DOWN, TO DEATHS DOOR
BUT JESUS KNEW, WHAT JUDAS DID NOT
JESUS HAD KNOWN, HE WOULD NEVER DEPART
BUT HIS ACTIONS WOULD PLAY THE PART
IN HISTORY AND THROUGHT THE ENTIRED WORLD
HE HAS ALREADY MADE A DIFFERENCE THANK YOU JESUS!
LOVE HOPE

I CANNOT IMAGINE , THE ANGUISH YOU FEEL
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU CAN DEAL
I DO NOT AND CANNOT UNDERSTAND
I KNOW ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS HOLD HIS HAND
THIS IS YOUR CHILD,
THINKING AWHILE .
I CANNOT IMAGINE, GOING THROUGH THIS FIGHT,
NOW HOW MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPENT ON YOUR KNEES
HOW MANY TIMES SAYING OH GOD PLEASE
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND , THERE IS NO REASON
NEVER , IS THIS GOOD. NO MATTER THE SEASON
ASKING FOR THIS MIRACLE, JUST  OPEN YOUR EYES
HEARING IGNORANCE, PEOPLE, HUMANS, THEIR LIES
THE TRUTH YOU KNOW, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS THERE
THEY DO NOT KNOW THIS PAIN, THIS GUILT, THAT ONLY YOU CAN BEAR
THE WHAT IF 'S, THE COULD HAVE'S , THE WHY DIDN'T I'S
THE HOPE THAT LIES DEEP IN YOUR HEART, THE BURNING TEARS IN YOUR EYES
ENDLESS PRAYERS , AND HOPE S AND DREAMS
WILL THIS ENDLESS NIGHTMARE EVER END? IT SEEMS,
IT FEELS LIKE ETERNITY, JUST WAITING, HOPING,
COFFEE, MORE COFFEE, DEALING, COPING,
SLEEP, MY EYES, MY HEAD, GOD WHY
STAY AWAKE, KEEP PRAYING, KEEP HOPING
JUST BREATHE, JUST BREATHE, WHY
WHY , HIM, WHY THIS, WHY NOW
GOD, WHY, GOD WHY THIS, HOW??
WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT DO I DO?
PLEASE, PLEASE THIS IS MY LITTLE BOY!!
THERE IS NO DESCRIPTION, ITS NOT FEELING BLUE.
FEELING EMPTY, LOST, WANTING, TO
JUST SEE HIS SMILE, HEAR HIS LAUGH, SEE HIS EYES
JUST NEED A MIRACLE, GOD PLEASE
I CANNOT IMAGINE, I DON’T UNDERSTAND
I CANNOT IMAGINE, I'LL BE THERE I'LL HOLD YOUR HAND
DON’T GIVE UP, DON’T GIVE UP, JUST KEEP HOPING
THANK YOU FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE , COPING
I CANNOT IMAGINE, BUT THESE ARE JUST WORDS
FORGIVE ME IF THEY HURT, I DO NOT MEAN TO
I JUST THOUGHT I COULD, TRY JUST WORDS OF
GOD PLEASE HEAR ME, LISTEN , LOOK DOWN FROM ABOVE
HELP HIM, OPEN HIS EYES, HEAL HIM, GOD PLEASE

GOD CAN YOU HEAR ME, GOD CAN YOU HEAR ME ?PLEASE??


I LOVE YOU MY DEAR. I AM STILL HOPING AND PRAYING.
LOVE ALWAYS, LOVE HOPE WEBB

I'VE CRIED A THOUSAND TEARS FROM YOU
I WON'T CRY NOT ANOTHER ONE
I'VE WORKED, I'VE TRIED,I CAN'T I'M DONE
IT DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THAT WAY
I GUESS YOU CHOSE IT, AND
THIS IS WHAT AND HOW YOU SAY
GOOD BYE, ENOUGH, CAN'T DO, CAN'T TRY
WE'RE DONE , WE'RE THROUGH, I KNOW I'LL GET BY
AND KNOW I WILL FLY.
YOU'RE FREE, JUST BE,
BE HAPPY,
YES O AND,
I HOPE YOU ARE TOO
ALL PART OF A BIGGER PLAN GUESS ITS DONE
OUT OF OUR HANDS.
THE TIME WAS SPENT, IT ALL WENT
ACCORDING TO HIS WILL
IT HURTS, ITS HARD, IT'S FINE, I'M FINE, IT'S GOOD I STILL WILL FEEL
MY HEART'S NOT DONE YET, WITH YOU, NO MORE, THESE BARS , AND STONES, AND CHAINS ARE GONE, GONE THEY ARE GONE
DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET IT GO FOR REAL

I changed my clothes brush my hair
Put on my make up to change my face
Play the part, play the role, it s not like they'll ever know

Pretend to be what they want you to be.
Please don’t look to close you might see the real me.
Is it really that hard. To like this face..

Now now don’t talk like that stay in your place
Do what is asked so nicely of you
Don’t say no, or they might not like you

GOD knows my struggle my pain is real
Oh come on how bad can it be, just deal
You don’t know my pain; is mine, not yours

Its not as easy or plain as you think
But when you are constantly told ..
Nevermind, just go on just blink, just breathe

The sun will come out tomorrow
Hold on pain ends
No one knows…no no now wait yes they do

Random words not much meaning
Unless you know how much it helps cleaning
When you can only make it go away when you
Wash, clean, wipe, scrub, wash, clean, wipe scrub, wash clean wipe scrub

Some may know not all do tho.
It’s a battle we fight on a daily.
Its not much to some but to us is crazy.

Now the flipside. No its not that
I like your face, but it looks nice with something
A touch of makeup …don’t cry about it geeze
It aint like im asking you to lose weight

Is it really that big a deal to do what is small in their mind
Even tho it’s a mountain in mine..
Try to help them see, make them understand

Yeah good luck there. You wont see them try ..
Wait wait hold on there  you know **** well
Its trying for them too. So why you go all off
I don’t know cause it makes me feel crazy inside
When my outside isnt good enough…
And I don’t wanna make it be attractable to anyone
For your reason or whatever I don’t want people to look at me
I don’t want them to see me I want to be and stay just invisible….
Just outta sight invisible. So no one might
Take a look at the damage and the scars
They are deep, they are not gone. They stay always

Don’t dwell move on don’t think, don’t breathe.
Just be still do the devils will
Bend fold break do what they drill in to you
Just blink, just breathe nothing else.
They might just see what all hiding behind your walls…

When JESUS COMES TO call those who suffer for HIS name
You will wish you were one of us by and by.
Thank you LORD
For your grace
Your love
Your mercy
Your help
Your strength
You are my all with out YOU I am nothing.

12/14/16

Wednesday, February 17, 2016
4:36 PM

Im short and chubby
My nails are short and stubby
I like to sing, country music,too
Learning gospels songs I do,
Wanna learn to play guitar, oh the sound
A sound like mine, cant be found
Keep your eyes wide open all the time
On a back road and you just might find
Fun n love and laughs on a back road

Thursday, June 23, 2016
1:10 AM

NO WHERE NEAR, YET SO CLOSE
NOT SO FAR, BUT OUT OF REACH
PRAYED SO HARD, TO NO AVAIL
GOD PLEASE HELP US TO PREVAIL!!
THIS WORLD IS SO HARD
ITS NO LUCK, ITS NOT IN THE CARDS
YOU CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH
THE GOOD OR THE BAD
GRANTED, OUT OF CONTROL
SO MUCH IS, WITH NO WAY TO CHANGE
WHAT IS OURS, WE DON’T REALIZE OUR POWER
OUR VOICE, WE CAN SAY NO.
OUR HEART, WHO WE LOVE.
OUR MIND, WHAT WE THINK
OUR ACTIONS, HOW TREAT OTHERS
OUR PLANS, WHEN WE DO WHAT WE CAN
OUR QUESTIONS, WHY WE NEVER STOP ASKING
NEVER STOP BELIEVING, NEVER STOP DREAMING
DON’T LET THIS COLD WORLD. PUT YOU DOWN.
YOU HAVE TO STAY ON TOP.
YOU HAVE SOME A LITTLE POWER TO STOP.
DO WHAT YOU CAN, IF YOU SEE,A NEED HELP.
THEN HELP.
JUST TRY.

8-27-15

 I am random, unpredictable, kind, compassionate. caring, scared, brave, a walking contradiction. I love JESUS. I love so many. and care so deep yet all the time. I quietly weep. just on the inside. so I wont bother no one. I am happy and fine. mostly all the time. I love to talk in rhyme. seriously all the time. I make up stuff inside my mind. which is crazy cause its so hard to unwind. did you know first you catch and then you throw (tlc) people who know so much. are those w...** cannot seem to touch. the ground in time, we live so high above this world. not better than one. just saved by love. people talk , people walk, but people pull away. its too hard some times to do what others think is right, to just stay. im just making this up as I go. (writing in real time new poem, I spose.) my mind is always swayin to and fro...just cant sometimes make it stop...old, sad,bad memories always seem to pop. my heart is sick my heart is sore, it feels like I cant do this anymore. (wondered where this line would go) its just writing, just keep on fighting, look for solutions to all this mind pollution. (dang sometimes don't know where this all comes from.) thanks for reading if you read it all..its a brand new poem..just made it.. thank ya'll and good night

Thursday, June 23, 2016
8:47 PM

I chose this one man over the other
The one loved me like no other
And it quietly tears me up inside
A large part of my heart and love has died
Another goes on. And tries so hard
To go on loving with a heart that is scarred

To live is risk, to lose is to gain
Some times love is more pain
If there were a quiet place to go
I would but no matter, I try, this other love must grow

To start again, to remember why
To not give up, to quit and cry
I need to move on and this for me is real hard
Im carrying on with a heart that is charred

I care so much and so deep
Its hard to get any good sleep
When I still at night
Give my thoughts to where there
Is no light

But the love that was ,
was what I thought was real
I have to give it up because
The other had to much for me to deal
With that , I say goodbye

Just in word not thought or heart
For in that other, is that part
Others didn’t get to see, but me
His love was entirely too much and it only consumed me.

NO WHERE NEAR, YET SO CLOSE
NOT SO FAR, BUT OUT OF REACH
PRAYED SO HARD, TO NO AVAIL
GOD PLEASE HELP US TO PREVAIL!!
THIS WORLD IS SO HARD
ITS NO LUCK, ITS NOT IN THE CARDS
YOU CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH
THE GOOD OR THE BAD
GRANTED, OUT OF CONTROL
SO MUCH IS, WITH NO WAY TO CHANGE
WHAT IS OURS, WE DON’T REALIZE OUR POWER
OUR VOICE, WE CAN SAY NO.
OUR HEART, WHO WE LOVE.
OUR MIND, WHAT WE THINK
OUR ACTIONS, HOW TREAT OTHERS
OUR PLANS, WHEN WE DO WHAT WE CAN
OUR QUESTIONS, WHY WE NEVER STOP ASKING
NEVER STOP BELIEVING, NEVER STOP DREAMING
DON’T LET THIS COLD WORLD. PUT YOU DOWN.
YOU HAVE TO STAY ON TOP.
YOU HAVE SOME A LITTLE POWER TO STOP.
DO WHAT YOU CAN, IF YOU SEE HELP.
THEN HELP.
JUST TRY.

you see me stand in pain
you just sit in stare, like well i don't care
you sit and don't help
not even when i'm in pain
it's so hard to believe
all you give is grief
not a shred of care
as if we ever shared
a single thought or idea
how can you sit, how can you not see
i need you, i want you, but you just sit
it honestly feels worse that a hit
no emotion, no reaction, no words ever
why should i have to feel like im always grievin

i want my son to have a dad
but is it the cost, me always being sad
you act like you don't care
you never help or share responsibiity
you never help with shopping,
you never help with mopping
you never help pick up our son
you never seem to do anything but look out for #1
i wish you could open your eyes
because the world you see, your missin
the days, the moments, the hours, with our son