When I look at you, my heart begins to race and I become weak at the knees, and when you speak I have to stop to catch my breath, and when you kiss me my stomach feels like there is a million bats flapping around in circles and I begin to get dizzy.  You are all I see.

when I close my eyes
you will never know what I see from the inside
everything that I once knew is slowly beginning to die
I have given up
I have reached the end
when will this pain stop
a broken heart that can't be mend
my stomach is twisting
my vision gets thick
the truth and the lies, have left me with nothing but the want to die
why do I feel so ******* lonely, when they say all you need is yourself
my life is a lie
my life is a ******* lie
and now it's time for me to say goodbye
I've lost my mind and I am own my own
to hell I go cause it's all I've known
my stomach is twisting
my vision get thick
I try to ignore the pain, to keep on climbing
it's to dark to see how far I have left to go, and I dare not gauge my progress
my grip is slippery with blood now
my muscles already threaten to betray me
I scrape to the side, looking for another way
the beauty of the night offers such strange comfort
it is unchanging
immune to the wars of this world
something to count on, i scramble to my feet and run
the fear in my head beckons me to continue
but anther voice
one that has become all to familiar, reasons that I will be useless
I'm likely to stumble from sheer exhaustion and in this harsh land of jagged rocks and steep ravines, a stumble can lead to death
my eyes flutter
light and pain burst across my body, sharp as daggers
bone deep
I cry out, but the breath in my lungs spread like fire beneath my chest

I lay here night after night, as I fight these demons, I've lost all my might, but you seem okay, and say everything's alright.  but I know your out doing your own thing, like a sailor lost at see, only to follow the wind.  these waters get higher, as the tides come in.  it's only time now, do I sink or swim. I tell myself I'm stronger than this, but it's the pain I just can't dismiss.  I'm taking in water, my lungs   are at risk.  will I sink or swim, when will I find bliss.

nice but boring
stare aware
just like me
in an ordinary world
a cartoon of two
to **** the time
change in style
change in time
a task we found worth the while
people and places
spaces we found
where distance is as natural as the space between a dogs ears

there is a darkness
that lies deep within my soul
it houses a madness
that one could not control
a place
where detest begins to manifest
and the darkness takes its hold
every chain of events starts with one pull
the catalyst
the perfect mixture of different elements that will craft ones path and conjure an outcome of who we become

her eyes shine so bright with the passion of a thousand men who stand at the ready to defend the honor of my ghosts past
she stands with no fright, and she'll fight, reassuring me, that she will protect me from my demons that I just cannot bypass
wear me like a medal, my dear, a medal you are deserving of receiving, because you deserve it, darling my dear, you've stuck along my side as I'm slowly fading, I'm fading, from appeasing, pleasing, and appealing to all of my demons that control these thoughts in my head
she has an unbelievable strength to stand beside me, confide in me, each time, every time these demons lead me to a place I fear not tread, but somehow we always make it out without any bloodshed
she has taught me that we are together, together as one, we will stand, hand and hand to conquer the worst of weather
so wear me like a medal my dear, a medal that you are more than deserving of receiving, because you deserve it, darling my dear, you've stuck along by my side as I'm slowly fading, I'm fading, from appeasing, pleasing, and appealing to all of my demons that control these thoughts in my head

I've lost all emotions to ever believe that I can be saved
I've been living a life forever stuck in a maze
you took and stole my heart
made me believe I was safe
then ripped it apart
you held my hand
as you stared into my eyes
line after line
I believed in your lies
time after time
you began to come wise
left me to rot in my own grave
every word had me believing I was the one at fault
but I was the one up at night
waiting for your call
just a worn out trend
never your number one choice
this silence is deafening
I can't hear anything at all
I feel this anger rising
I'm not prepared for the fall
you had me believing
that I had it all
but was this the beginning to this downfall
you held my hand
as you stared into my eyes
line after line
I believed in your lies
time after time
you began to come wise
with all of your lies

if I could close my eyes and wish to be anywhere
it would be with you by my side
don't be the dream that dies
please don't tell me, I'm not worth your time
when it's only you i see in my eyes...in my mind
alone to detach myself from this world I know....you know

I don't want you to think I would **** myself over you, because you're not worth any emotion at all
it is what you cost me that hurts and nothing can replace it
my mind, always warped and twisted, has reached the point where I can wait no longer
I don't dare wait no longer
until there is the final twist and it snaps and I spend the rest of my life in some state-run snake pit
the fact is, I am not getting any better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on
in truth, I was nothing more than a prop filling absent space, so that my absence would not be noted
in truth, I have been absent for a long time
my body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems
I pursued replacing destruction with creation for some time
this provided a distraction, but it could not last
the illness I have had cursed me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure
all day, everyday
a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body
it is nothing short of torture
my mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression and crippling anxiety
simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me
I can not laugh or cry
I derive no pleasure from activity
everything simply comes down to passing the time until I can sleep again
now to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing
this is what brought me to my actual mission, not suicide, but a mercy killing
I know *******, and I know how to do it so that there is no pain whatsoever
it was quick, and I did not suffer, and above all I am free
I feel no more pain

just tell me I'm everything that you need, or please just set my heart free
the pain is beginning to cut in so deep, but it is you who can make it deplete
just tell me you love me, and you cannot set me free
let's make this the beginning of eternity, for just you and me

here's to that new beginning
as we travel across the states
I hope we remember all of the positive memories that we've shared to date
so it's time to say cheer's, let us make a toast
to all of the memories, and for all of those to come, let's make the best of it when we reach the sunset coast
but for now
West Virginia you are the one with the beautiful personality, and the one who's' confident enough with that edgy exterior
you're as strong as your mountains, you make sure they stand tall, even when the fog holds you back from feeling that sunshine exterior
right now it feels so right, and I am beginning to imagine you forever, may I stand with you for the rest of my life
and as the miles become shorter to the beginning of our everlasting love, may we never feel troubled with other folks strife
West Virginia you are the one with the beautiful personality, and the one who's confident enough with that edgy exterior
forever stand tall, just like all of your mountains, even when the fog hold you back from feeling that exterior sun
oh West Virginia, please forever know, you are the one
West Virginia, my exterior sun

my life to you is not what it seems
you may think I'm standing tall but I'm over here ******* begging on my knees
someone please
release me from this nightmare
my mind has been overrun by everything that I fear
I'm alive but I'm barely breathing
I am and will forever be a memory fading

they are all liars, falsifier's, we must dethrone them from their empires
this life we lead has everyone on their knees
we beg and we plead
screaming for answers
this was supposed to be the land of the free
our power is strong
our wrath will come
we must come together and remove them from their throne

I have given up everything just to prove that you are the one
The day you left all I could do was beg that you'd come home
My heart is strong, my love is pure
The memories of the past have been stuffed under the boards of the floor
Hidden away, to a place where we can't hurt anymore
The floorboards may creek but everything ages with time
Please just come home, and tell me that you are mine
And if the memories of the past begin to seep through the cracks
I will seal them up because there is no looking back
My heart is strong, my love is pure
I have waited so long, I can't wait no more
The memories of the past have been stuffed under the boards of the floor
To a place of hurt no more

another year has passed and all that remains is the memories of the past
from when I was a young boy, I tried to exit this life in a flash as I had to sit there and watch the ones I love, the ones who were supposed to guide me through life combust into a flame until it has become nothing but white ash
everything seems like a game of Russian roulette
darkness becomes all I know but I fight for the light we all fear
we are all waiting for that moment when all around us will become so clear
happiness is to be found within every sunset
but the sun becomes so unclear, so I'm left with wishing, praying for sudden death to come near
this pain seems to be all I know, because as a father it was all you seemed to show
father why, you were the one I was to look up to, the one to show me how to become a man, I was only a child, but all you left was the dream for something new
time after time again, all of this pain you caused on your lover, you never thought how it would phase me or my brothers
you held her down until her lips turned blue, I'd hate myself because there was nothing I could do, along with the countless hours of hiding from all of the things that he threw
forever I'd wish there was something I could do
until that moment you made it seem true, I could end it all, as I look through the hole in the wall
with just one jump, I could end it all
but how much more of a man would that make me from my father
but then again, you left me with the only thought of why even bother
all because of what you have done to my mother
and now that I have become a man, have I turned into this life of sin
forever you left me fighting all of these demons from within
but instead of hurting the ones I love, it's mainly myself within
so until this day, those memories will remain and the thought of death I will refrain

I've spent countless nights staring at the cracks in the ceiling
thinking to myself will I ever shake this feeling
tossing turning constantly overthinking nothing
with nothing left but this rope to hang
this is my Arsenal from the floor to the ceiling
the pipes behind these walls are silent with no anthem pealing
I've spent restless nights stuck in this room
left here to anticipate a forfeit to my confined doom
my eyes are strained from peering into the gloom
like the cobwebs on the shelf darkness has overcome my soul
my mind it has consumed
I fear for myself I think I've lost all control
to the back of my head my eyes they roll

there was a time when I carried a light in my eyes
bound together and stacked so high
my soul was carried through the highest of skies
then in one mass motion it all collapsed to the depths of the ocean
am I the reason for all of my mistakes
am I the one who has built these walls
i fear for what I will become when the earth begins to shake
I'm building up these walls
making sure they stand tall just so I can watch them fall
hoping that one day
these walls that I have built
they will stand for something greater
than keeping the flood waters out
but to control
these internal flames
the ones that I call guilt
for if I rebuild what I have torn down
I prove to myself to be a transgressor
in my mind
i am ****** to an eternity of negativity
with nothing but the darkness as my assessor

it's been quite some time now since I've seen the world smile
all I see is corruption and everyone living in denial
there is so much negativity surrounding me
what the **** is up with this world
they keep asking me
we need a more rational approach to adopt in the face of the human condition
instead of the need of needlessly perpetuating our species and spreading the misery
death and destruction seems to be the answer
we might as well make our brief time as existent beings as bearable as possible with the proviso that we don't inflict any unnecessary harm on others
somewhere between these two positions is the best pragmatically speaking
we should not flinch away from recognizing this if we had boundless respect for the integrity of truth

she used her strength of character to destroy a king
and thus everything with her was contaminated
life was cheap to such a female who had ****** in her veins
she took the time to arrange her hair and paint her face
she prostituted her gifts for the furtherance of evil
determined to abolish all that interfered with the fulfillment of her wicked designs
as the daughter of the devil
she suffers a worse retribution
there was no sign of repent
she was rotten root to branch
an unrepentant prophetess who has beguiled the people
persuasive
her influence was wrongly directed and her misdirected talents have become a curse
savage and relentless
this strong women carried out her schemes
nothing but a pawn
packed off the the highest bidder
she represents a view of women good that is opposite of the one extolled
magnificent and defiant
hurling insults at her murderers
as the daughter of the devil
she suffers a worse retribution
there was no sign of repent
she was rotten root to branch
an unrepentant prophetess who has beguiled the people
an inhuman wretch incapable of pity
oh so void
she's so ******* empty
as the daughter of the devil
she suffers a worse retribution
there was no sign of repent
she was rotten root to branch
an unrepentant prophetess who has beguiled the people

do you know what it feels like to be lost?
please tell me everything will be okay
I really hope I can mend things between us don't let all these sad songs fool you
I'm still keeping my head held high
I've never wanted something so bad
are you even human underneath all of that makeup?
I want to explore what is outside of what I already know
you'll never know what is buried underneath until you dig
don't ever take any negativity I send towards you to heart
because at the end of the day I know it's you who I will fall asleep with at night
you were dark before you were light
open your book, let me fill these pages
stories of love and light
all I want is to be the one to kiss you goodnight

as I'm on my way to you
these hours feel like days and it seems that every minute I get closer my heart begins to get restless
without you I feel as my life is meaningless

so I write this for you
hoping it will help me express these feelings that I know are true
I sit here and watch as the trees pass
the landscapes have never looked so beautiful
everything seems to be moving fast but the time to come
where I am with you

I'm counting down the miles until you're back in my arms again
but for now it's seems that this darkness is my only friend
the sun begins to fade, and the sky is turns black
but it's the light from the moon and the stars that will guide me back

as I count the stars, I think about you
their beauty and the way they glisten is just like your energy
the moon illuminates over the horizon of the mountains and shines through the trees
it brings me a sense of comfort, just like when you are with me

you are the reason I come home, you are the reason

you
are
the
reason

I have lost my mind, I don't know what to do with myself.  do I stand up, do I sit down?  my body wants to go in one direction but my mind has another plan.  I envision that my hour glass is beginning to run out of sand. I'm moving in circles, I can begin to hear the bells chime.  
death has come to collect, will I ever find the time.

I've spent the last month learning how to adapt on my own
jumping from couch to couch, will I ever call you my home
my feet are aching, my shoes are torn
you got my knees shaking, can these roots withstand this storm
you've got my shredded voice screaming, I wish that I had never been born
I've learned that it's not about the things I have, but who has my back in the end
I'll make sure I keep a safe distance between someone else and what's left of my heart
because for all I know, I've been this ****** up from the start

you might have gone and taken everything from me
but I won't let you destroy my life or my dignity
I know I am bigger then this
my eyes will not fade away into the night
this may be the bottom but I'm here to stay
and I will fight
with all of my might
this is my ******* life and i will not let take my ******* sanity
I know who I am and who I ******* want to be

I miss being able to have you when I needed someone the most
A left behind lover waiting for word from the coast
it's like when you lose something you lose everything
am I right?
and when you have that something you feel you have everything
am I right?
it feels like I have had my insides torn out
I'm left to bleed
I can't take back what I said but I wouldn't be acting like this if I meant any of it
before I felt I had the whole world behind me
but now I feel it crashing on my ******* shoulders

from the moment I have opened my eyes
this storm has done nothing but cloud my mind
it makes me believe that everything that I know
everything I know
is slowly beginning to become a lie
this everyday normality that I have came so custom to
is nothing more than a struggle to keep my head above these flood waters that control my mind
it's been so long that I've been in the shadows
this darkness has devoured my soul
it takes control of my lifeless body
I'm nothing but a ghost for all to see
breathing but not alive
speaking but not being heard
slowly losing myself more each day
each breath causes more pain
I ache for the strength to get through the day
I scream out one last time
my voice merely echoes between these walls I once called home
pull my veins out like they're thread
beat my stomach, arms and head
next my bones to make a pile
drain my blood and wait awhile
stitch me up and make me whole
now you'll see I have no soul
how you see me lying there, is how I feel inside my dear
the sight is not pretty, it's quite revolting
but now you understand what I'm withholding
inch by inch, the cold lips of the night kiss my tired skin
consuming my fragile mind from within
the voices in my head are getting stronger
destructive thoughts cloud my eyes
the storm has just begun