do you know what it feels like to be lost?
please tell me everything will be okay
I really hope I can mend things between us don't let all these sad songs fool you
I'm still keeping my head held high
I've never wanted something so bad
are you even human underneath all of that makeup?
I want to explore what is outside of what I already know
you'll never know what is buried underneath until you dig
don't ever take any negativity I send towards you to heart
because at the end of the day I know it's you who I will fall asleep with at night
you were dark before you were light
open your book, let me fill these pages
stories of love and light
all I want is to be the one to kiss you goodnight

when I close my eyes
you will never know what I see from the inside
everything that I once knew is slowly beginning to die
I have given up
I have reached the end
when will this pain stop
a broken heart that can't be mend
my stomach is twisting
my vision gets thick
the truth and the lies, have left me with nothing but the want to die
why do I feel so ******* lonely, when they say all you need is yourself
my life is a lie
my life is a ******* lie
and now it's time for me to say goodbye
I've lost my mind and I am own my own
to hell I go cause it's all I've known
my stomach is twisting
my vision get thick
I try to ignore the pain, to keep on climbing
it's to dark to see how far I have left to go, and I dare not gauge my progress
my grip is slippery with blood now
my muscles already threaten to betray me
I scrape to the side, looking for another way
the beauty of the night offers such strange comfort
it is unchanging
immune to the wars of this world
something to count on, i scramble to my feet and run
the fear in my head beckons me to continue
but anther voice
one that has become all to familiar, reasons that I will be useless
I'm likely to stumble from sheer exhaustion and in this harsh land of jagged rocks and steep ravines, a stumble can lead to death
my eyes flutter
light and pain burst across my body, sharp as daggers
bone deep
I cry out, but the breath in my lungs spread like fire beneath my chest

I don't want you to think I would **** myself over you, because you're not worth any emotion at all
it is what you cost me that hurts and nothing can replace it
my mind, always warped and twisted, has reached the point where I can wait no longer
I don't dare wait no longer
until there is the final twist and it snaps and I spend the rest of my life in some state-run snake pit
the fact is, I am not getting any better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on
in truth, I was nothing more than a prop filling absent space, so that my absence would not be noted
in truth, I have been absent for a long time
my body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems
I pursued replacing destruction with creation for some time
this provided a distraction, but it could not last
the illness I have had cursed me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure
all day, everyday
a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body
it is nothing short of torture
my mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression and crippling anxiety
simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me
I can not laugh or cry
I derive no pleasure from activity
everything simply comes down to passing the time until I can sleep again
now to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing
this is what brought me to my actual mission, not suicide, but a mercy killing
I know *******, and I know how to do it so that there is no pain whatsoever
it was quick, and I did not suffer, and above all I am free
I feel no more pain

I have given up everything just to prove that you are the one
The day you left all I could do was beg that you'd come home
My heart is strong, my love is pure
The memories of the past have been stuffed under the boards of the floor
Hidden away, to a place where we can't hurt anymore
The floorboards may creek but everything ages with time
Please just come home, and tell me that you are mine
And if the memories of the past begin to seep through the cracks
I will seal them up because there is no looking back
My heart is strong, my love is pure
I have waited so long, I can't wait no more
The memories of the past have been stuffed under the boards of the floor
To a place of hurt no more

another year has passed and all that remains is the memories of the past
from when I was a young boy, I tried to exit this life in a flash as I had to sit there and watch the ones I love, the ones who were supposed to guide me through life combust into a flame until it has become nothing but white ash
everything seems like a game of Russian roulette
darkness becomes all I know but I fight for the light we all fear
we are all waiting for that moment when all around us will become so clear
happiness is to be found within every sunset
but the sun becomes so unclear, so I'm left with wishing, praying for sudden death to come near
this pain seems to be all I know, because as a father it was all you seemed to show
father why, you were the one I was to look up to, the one to show me how to become a man, I was only a child, but all you left was the dream for something new
time after time again, all of this pain you caused on your lover, you never thought how it would phase me or my brothers
you held her down until her lips turned blue, I'd hate myself because there was nothing I could do, along with the countless hours of hiding from all of the things that he threw
forever I'd wish there was something I could do
until that moment you made it seem true, I could end it all, as I look through the hole in the wall
with just one jump, I could end it all
but how much more of a man would that make me from my father
but then again, you left me with the only thought of why even bother
all because of what you have done to my mother
and now that I have become a man, have I turned into this life of sin
forever you left me fighting all of these demons from within
but instead of hurting the ones I love, it's mainly myself within
so until this day, those memories will remain and the thought of death I will refrain

from the moment I have opened my eyes
this storm has done nothing but cloud my mind
it makes me believe that everything that I know
everything I know
is slowly beginning to become a lie
this everyday normality that I have came so custom to
is nothing more than a struggle to keep my head above these flood waters that control my mind
it's been so long that I've been in the shadows
this darkness has devoured my soul
it takes control of my lifeless body
I'm nothing but a ghost for all to see
breathing but not alive
speaking but not being heard
slowly losing myself more each day
each breath causes more pain
I ache for the strength to get through the day
I scream out one last time
my voice merely echoes between these walls I once called home
pull my veins out like they're thread
beat my stomach, arms and head
next my bones to make a pile
drain my blood and wait awhile
stitch me up and make me whole
now you'll see I have no soul
how you see me lying there, is how I feel inside my dear
the sight is not pretty, it's quite revolting
but now you understand what I'm withholding
inch by inch, the cold lips of the night kiss my tired skin
consuming my fragile mind from within
the voices in my head are getting stronger
destructive thoughts cloud my eyes
the storm has just begun

as I'm on my way to you
these hours feel like days and it seems that every minute I get closer my heart begins to get restless
without you I feel as my life is meaningless

so I write this for you
hoping it will help me express these feelings that I know are true
I sit here and watch as the trees pass
the landscapes have never looked so beautiful
everything seems to be moving fast but the time to come
where I am with you

I'm counting down the miles until you're back in my arms again
but for now it's seems that this darkness is my only friend
the sun begins to fade, and the sky is turns black
but it's the light from the moon and the stars that will guide me back

as I count the stars, I think about you
their beauty and the way they glisten is just like your energy
the moon illuminates over the horizon of the mountains and shines through the trees
it brings me a sense of comfort, just like when you are with me

you are the reason I come home, you are the reason

you
are
the
reason