I hate everything about
myself
I am put in a state of
numbness from
the world
in a vacuum of
nothingness
at the bottom of
a lake
sinking
detachment from
emotions
have become an unfamiliar subject to my
head
is always drowned out by the sound of my
cries
have become a constant state behind my fake
smiles
fake
laughs
too many broken
promises
have no meaning to me anymore because of
you
made me this way
you
broke me when I was at my
highest
point I have had since the night of January second is the
dream
ing has turned into
nightmares
have become an escape from my
reality
is pushing me further into my dark side and
thoughts
are no longer
beautiful
is what you used to call me, next to all of the other
girls
are not meant to be this ****
broken

I feel so distant and different
you made me feel like I mattered and I belonged
but ever since I sat on your bed and pulled at my hair because
your lips touched another girls,
I feel like I belong nowhere

I am floating into nothingness

waiting to feel something

but every time we speak, I know you are still looking at other girls
the way you look at me
and it pushes me further into nothingness because
I had hoped that by still giving you
affection
you would realize what you had lost
and you would only want me
but all of this attention I am getting from you
is mirrored towards other girls that are
nothing like me

you tell me I'm the only one you want
yet you still look for the attention of
other pretty faces

I guess I am just another pretty face

and you know the worst part

I will still probably show you this hoping
you would finally realize that you no longer want the
other
attention

im tired of being second best

I'm tired of fighting for something I shouldn't have to fight for

love struck my bedroom in the
early AM
woken from a dream to be
alive in another

you

now I wake from
a nightmare
to be alive in a reality that
is worse than any thought
I've ever had

you

sinking in a sea of
covers
dropping between the
floorboards
free falling a million miles
long
emptiness
screaming for something someone
pulling my hair to find that there is nothing no one

you
pushed me into nothingness

it's 2:46am and I
don't want to fall asleep
with the thought of waking
up tomorrow without you

your clothes are scattered across
my floor
seeming to stay glued to
the fibers of my carpet
the last I have left of you

our last kiss
tears streaming down your face
"I'm sorry"
plays like a broken record
in my head
yet the image of your
lips meeting with
hers on that cold
november
night
sticks a rod in my
head
in my
chest
in my
lungs
in my
entire body so clear

2:52am and I
wish I had never
believed that you would be different

the I LOVE YOU's didnt
mean a thing
they were just
something for swollen lips
to mumble into crumpled
sheets to fill the
silence in
the spaces between
our words at
four in the morning
but i dont want to be
the spaces between your
words
i want to be
every **** thing
that gets to touch
your
tongue

its late right now

but baby my heart was glass
and you kissed me so hard
that the glass shattered
into hundreds of pieces
inside of me
and now there are scars left behind
and im trying to repair myself
but you dont understand
and i cant stop myself
from bleeding
and you are leaving more
and more scars each time
you creep into my head
and i cant
keep cleaning up the messes
you leave inside of me
because now my hands are
scarred from the glass you
never fixed
so my hands shake every time
i touch someone else
because what if they scar me too, just like you

so you see, you did damage
to me and now
i cant trust anyone else
all because i was a stupid girl
who always cleaned up the
mess you made

[not original]

i am slowly breaking
skin and bones and
throwing lots of sticks and
stones with *****
and giggles
love and sprinkles

oh no one knew but me
that life is just
a dream
with glittered tongues
and smokey lungs

all we did was
cry
so to **** the tears and all
our fears
our minds were always high

i crackle at the
sound of your
voice
but cringe at
\your touch
because i know
that if i let
you own me again
i will be carved
from every inch
of my soul
and break into
hundreds of pieces
just like
every
other
time
you've hurt me

your eyes are red
like the blood in my veins

i miss you like the moon misses the stars in
the morning light

but even if i fall in love again
with someone new
it could never be the way
i loved you

and i know that thinking
about you like this
is suicidal
and i might as well erase
all of my memories with you
but you wont get out of my head
and im screaming inside
because your name hurts my brain
but i would rather black out
with a hangover
than stare blankly
at my hands
trying to forget what it was
like to touch you

you said you lost feelings
but i lost my ******* mind