The heart knows
The heart is done
When the heart is burnt
From too much fun.

The brain wants
The brain to sleep,
When brains are tired
Of trying to keep

All the pain
And shame at bay
When all the hatred
Wants you to stay.

And in the end
When morning comes
My face is warm,
And it is done.

I am done.

I wait up for you,
living on a screen,
How I want to scream,
for you to love me.

I think of you,
I push you so away,
Please, don't stay,
inside my head.

Not in my head.

Because all there is
is no more.
Because all there was,
is not here.
Because all there is
has no results found.
And all there will be
lies with you.
Lies in you.
Do I love you?
Oh how I hope not.

I wake up in the morn,
to my eyes the sun came
my mind said your name,
no not again.

My horizon's not you
love was all in disgust,
mind bubbles I couldn't trust,
your eyes.

Then you looked at me.

And all there was,
was no more.
Because all there was,
was not here.
Because all there is
has no results found.
And all there will be
lies with you.
Lies in you.
Do I love you?
Oh how I hope so.

In the night
The swings rocks slowly
The stars are dull
The night bugs chirp.
The little lights
The rocks, well placed.
The bridge above
The water, calm.
I remember
Every instance,
Every feeling
Soft and sure.
You made me believe
In my own happiness.
You made me believe
In myself.
I'm sorry I left.
I had to go.
And took the little broken pieces
Of your heart with me.
Please believe me.
I am sorry.

The moment is subtle,
Raindrops on the lake.
The sun warms my tired face
Your look is not fake.

But you own me, you know this,
That gleam in your eye.
I hold onto your chest,
Glance up at the sky  

All that I thought of,
All that I knew
About me and myself,
Is destroyed by you.

The moment is simple,
I waited for this.
You lean in I lean in....
The good morning---


*wakes up

Learn to let go,
Accept,
Accept.
How my heart aches.
For therapy
In the pain.
And knowing why.
The truth,
We all know it.
No matter how long
We've forsaken it for.
There's nothing
You can say
To change me.
It's what you don't say,
What's implied,
Makes me think.

;

Nothing
Nothing
Happens here.
In the light
That sheds itself
Upon the walls.

You must clean
To breathe
Just breathe
To survive,
Not needing.
In need of no one.
No love for
A thing,
But love itself.
No idea
Why or where
It became so hard
Just to live.

And everything falls.
Nothing goes up
Past the age of innocence.

Every wise word,
Every sad instance,
Plucked from
Something easier
To bear
Than to remember.

What are women
To men of strength,
Other than dumb
Picturesque backdrops
Accentuating their
Own success and vanity.

No words...
No words.

Yes now I know that none can do,
I had a dream, I dreamt of you,
Your hat your smile, your laugh and style,
The feel of hair on back if head,
The grey hoodie, your smile and bed...

Awoke from this, not dream, but vision,
A memory with unnatural precision,
Saddened brow upon my face,
That happy thought so out of place....

Released from vault, secured and hidden,
Dusty, crinkled, croaking soft...
A given reminder of what once was,
What's not to come, what's held aloft.

When you're in a school,
And can't find a pen,
To write down the things
You would say to him.

When you try so hard
And no avail,
The only mark you make
Is a weeping trail.

When you love the people
Who love you the least,
They wouldn't blink
Should your existence cease.

When you know the truth,
But believe it false,
And you're alone,
In empty halls.

When you want what you see,
And have what you don't,
And you are who you are,
But want to be who you won't.

The life you knew,
Is nothing now,
It faded away,
But you can't remember how.

There is no point.
The validation
I feel by
The likes I get,
The loves I missed
Because of
The screen in
Front of my
Eager face.  
Pathetic.
Parasitic.
Pointless.
Death to the social network.

In the darkness,
Sleep, I lie...
I lie there thinking,
Night-day-dreaming,

But in the cold,
I feel you sigh...
In my skin,
I feel you here.

I breathe you in,
I hold your hair...
But in the darkness,
You're not there.

And when I wake,
I know not where...
Just know you're gone
And you don't care.

I'm screaming inside of myself.
Nothing is stopping the pain,
but the skin on my soul.

I'm in a uniform,
I'm in my jeans,
I'm in my night clothes,
I'm naked under water,

The desire to cry out
Tear's at my throat,
To yell anything into the void,
To release the shame,
the embarrassment,
angst and anxiety.

Tell myself it will be "OK".
After all, it's just today.

It's just a day.

Wrath so strong as river runs in fear,
I hold you tight to black heart with my claws.
I rage against you, yet, pray you were here,
**** the wretch who composed lover’s laws.
Our heart of pain is like a rattle snake;
We strike; then death, now in your blood, does spread,
But ‘fore we bit, we told you! We did shake!
Yet now it is too late and you are dead.
Then running home we’ll shriek, “Never again!
shall Man control my soul and mind and tears…”
Yet someday we’ll say “But he’s Heaven sent!”
Infatuation washed ‘way all our fears.
We kiss our lover strong with lust and thrill,
while in the woods, our last one lies so still…