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A K Krueger May 2016
Love is a dream
or so they say,
my winter heart,
it begs to play
“unfreeze me please”
you’ll hear it say
“for I miss the warmth of summer.”

And love is young
though I am old,
they say it can
unwind the cold
like ticking clocks
and bells of old;
echoes fading into silence.

And love is kind
but I am scared
of fangs beneath
the lips you bear.
The last one said
he also cared,
so I am slow to trusting.

‘Cause love is cruel,
and I’m not new;
affected words
and lover’s cues,
strangled trust
and selfhood, too,
I’ve the eulogies to prove it.

But love is birth;
it can give life.
If I could let
the dead horse lie,
and promise you
that I will try
to want to become different.

To love at all
is to have felt
your stolen heart
transcend yourself,
blessed by the hand
of God Himself,
the seeming giver of your dreams,

but to love again,
it is a choice,
to speak aloud
in broken voice,
“Though it may hurt,
still I rejoice,
though it may end,
still I rejoice,
take all I am,
still I rejoice,”
and try, though hard it seems,
to remember how to dream.
Remember how to dream.
A K Krueger May 2016
“I think that I love him,”
I wrote down in my journal that day.
Words scrawled across the page
curling like timid spring tendrils.
I swam in it all afternoon,
turning pruney with the feeling.
Indulging in the thought that this
was what I’d long been needing.
But day turned into night,
things changed within the hour;
lovely feelings, slowly budding,
became shrunken withered flowers.
With a friend I had been talking,
he asked, “What do you know about Justin?”
The air was cool on my teeth as I smiled,
“It’s hard to know about Justin.”
In that moment, my heart was swollen
with hope that my friend would spill
words that I could indulge on
like red wine to the ears,
and I felt my face turn ruddy
with anticipation of the pleasure,
it was almost too much bear—
my beating heart could hardly wait—
And within that same moment, he said,
“Well he really likes your roommate.”
A K Krueger Feb 2016
To the one who broke past,
stumbled on the texts
coated in dust
and ancient webs;
To the one who read
letters in code
the truths they held,
riddles I wrote;
To the one who saw
where walls could crack,
solid pretenses split
without a map--
I wait for you
in the womb of this place,
somewhere deep in concrete,
a tomb in shadowed space--
--May you recognize me
without seeing my face.
A K Krueger Sep 2015
I'd like to be burned,
to have flames lick my sides--
so when I peel away the skin,
see truths I have to hide.
I'd like to be burned
to have flames lick my lips--
so when I go to speak my truth
the rawness of it drips.
I'd like to be burned,
to have flames char my heart--
so when I go to love again
it's the newest of new starts.
Yes, I'd like to be burned,
But I am not so brave--
I wait and pray with all my heart
gods throw me to the flames.
A K Krueger Jul 2015
I suppose I can say
          that this is the end,
and that was the start,
          and I can't pretend
to be who you thought
          that I should have been.
                                   As to what you expected;
                                   we're not even friends.
I guess we were both kinda wrong in the end.
  May 2015 A K Krueger
Anne Sexton
Something
cold is in the air,
an aura of ice
and phlegm.
All day I've built
a lifetime and now
the sun sinks to
undo it.
The horizon bleeds
and ***** its thumb.
The little red thumb
goes out of sight.
And I wonder about
this lifetime with myself,
this dream I'm living.
I could eat the sky
like an apple
but I'd rather
ask the first star:
why am I here?
why do I live in this house?
who's responsible?
eh?
  May 2015 A K Krueger
Emily Dickinson
419

We grow accustomed to the Dark—
When light is put away—
As when the Neighbor holds the Lamp
To witness her Goodbye—

A Moment—We uncertain step
For newness of the night—
Then—fit our Vision to the Dark—
And meet the Road—*****—

And so of larger—Darkness—
Those Evenings of the Brain—
When not a Moon disclose a sign—
Or Star—come out—within—

The Bravest—***** a little—
And sometimes hit a Tree
Directly in the Forehead—
But as they learn to see—

Either the Darkness alters—
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to Midnight—
And Life steps almost straight.
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