$1.54 in pocket change.
An empty wallet.
A can of travel-sized body spray.
A pen.
Some gum
And an mp3 player.
I take my silent journey at twelve-thirty,
And use my pocket change as an excuse.
I smoke a pair of cigarettes,
One there and one back.
And I buy a drink to hide the fact,
That I'm sad and confused and unable to cope.
With my daily thoughts and my loss of hope.
I **** myself a puff at a time.
And spent all but my last dime.
I hate myself more and more every day.

A wonderful day spent with friends I love
Two old, one new
You guys are great
Even if one of you is shy
The other is a little all over the place
And the third…
Oh the third how I love her
And the entire time I had to focus
On anything other than the fact
That all I wanted to do was hold her,
To kiss her, to lay my head upon hers
And be stricken with bliss and love
And all those other feelings
But nonetheless I loved tonight
I loved helping you paint
I loved speaking in inside jokes
A tongue only we will ever really understand
I loved your family
Even when the younger ones were getting on your nerves
I loved meeting Roxxi,
She was a riot
And all those wonderful things we all did
Eating French silk Doritos
Drinking every last drop of lemonade
Pointing out my abnormally large pupils
I never did say, large pupils are a sign of attraction
People have looked at large pupils as a sign of attraction since Egypt,
I guess you’re my Cleopatra
And when you held my hand I couldn’t help
But feel butterflies in my stomach
I wanted to hold it forever and never let go
I wanted to grasp it as if it were all that mattered
And I did...

I can't seem
To figure out
My life
My dreams
My goals
                 Myself
I can't seem
To decide
Where I want to go
What I want to do
Who I want to meet
Or why I even keep going
But
I guess I'll wake up tomorrow
To see
What life
Has in store

My day went so well
And so did my birthday the night before
But every great time in my life has ended badly
Every happy moment is only ever so temporary
And I haven't eaten and I feel sick
But I'm not hungry
I just want to curl up and die in my bed
I just wish I could get these thoughts out of my head
I'm so confused
I need some *****
I asked a friend to get me Jack Daniels
Because it's a couple days overdue for birthday depression
And drinking myself to sickly sleep
Shot after shot
I just want to waste away
I just want to sleep forever
I just want to listen to flatsound
And cry
And cry
And cry
And I'm about to cry myself to sleep...

Cigarettes,
I hate you.
I love your calming embrace.
I love your unique aroma.
I love taking a relaxing break with you.
I love your stimulating cancerous smoke.
I love the flood of chemicals you release in me.
But nicotine,
I hate that I love you.

I saw today, the rain.
The clouded sky
Shrouding the sun
Rain dropping from above
A cold morning
A gloomy morning
My favorite kind of morning
I love a rainy day

Smoke hanging in the air
The feeling of falling is not fair
Lisping out my empty thoughts
In the form of shots
Poured out one after another
Drunk off of you
I’m intoxicated by your presence
But your love is not present
I once thought I was falling for you
But I was just falling for your lies
I was in love with those eyes
But they were just a disguise
Hiding the real you
You’re the masked bandit
Covered with lies, but all I want is truth
I want to know the real you
I want to really love you
Feeling this mutual feeling
With no mutual ground
My razor kissing my skin
Instead of your lips
I never thought falling in love
Would mean falling out
I never thought kisses
would turn into stitches
I guess thats what happens when
You get love drunk

Men don't cry
But maybe these tears are the past,
Waiting to be let out
Or fear of the future,
Afraid I might follow those footsteps
Men don't cry
But these tears are very real
These lips are trembling
I cannot speak
My nose is a stuffed torrent
My eyes are flooding
My vision is clouding
Men don't cry
But I'm sobbing into my pillow
Men don't cry
But I keep on falling apart
Men don't cry
But I lost it
MEN.
DON'T.
CRY.
...But I've broken today

Who am I?
What do I want from life?
Why do I want this life to cease to continue,
yet cling to it?
I suppose it's because,
as broken
and depressing
and sad
and lonely
as it is
It's mine...

I spend my life,
A night at a time.
I hide myself away.
At night, and afraid.
Of myself I think.
Or my future.
I spend my life,
My life in the moonlight,
Admiring the night.
Her cars and her stars,
Her drunks stumbling out of bars.
I spend my life in the moonlight.
Because the moon stays in my thoughts,
My dreams,
The moonlight is my muse.
She inspires me to dream.
Because I'm losing hope.

Henry Chinaski.
Oh how I think of you on long nights.
How I compare myself to you,
In present.
And future.
Henry Chinaski.
We seem alike,
You and I.
But that's what I'm afraid of.

My heart hurts for you on nights like these.
My soul bleeds for you when you feel like this.
You've told me again and again.
"I hate being everyone's second choice."
Well you're my first.
Those brown eyes shouldn't have a single tear in them.
If I could choose from any girl in the world I'd choose you.

They say 'burn your bridges'
But mine have been burning from the start
They say 'give a little love'
But I can't find that part of my heart
They give you advice they say you'll never follow
And follow it you won't
But why's the truth so hard to swallow
When accepting it, you don't

She's on her way
To have the night of her life
And I'm here
She's on her way
To dance and kiss him
And I'm in bed
She's already there
And they're kissing
And they're going to dance
And she's going to love every minute of it
But I'm still here
And she's going to call me when it's over
And tell me how wonderful it was
And I can already feel her overjoyed words
But I'm here
Alone and depressed
And I can swear they're going to ****
But I'm just going to act happy for her
And I'm going to pretend it doesn't **** me
And I'll just ignore those depressed thoughts
Because her happiness is what's important
And my life is about making other peoples' lives happy
To hell with my own happiness
To hell with my own life
At least she's going to have a great time

Oh how I want
Nothing more in life
But for 2 swishers
A bottle of Jack
And a walk around the town tonight
But oh how we don't get what we wish for

You look so alone
Asleep, holding your stuffed unicorn;
Pierre in your arms
But your sleeping face looks like
It longs for someone
Wrapped up in your blanket
Arms holding a stuffed animal
Peaceful sleeping you
With a face that looks so alone
I wish I could be there
I wish you were in my arms
I wish I could kiss you and watch you sleep and feel blissful with you
I miss you
I love you...

I'm staring into your eyes,
And I think out of all the guys,
You chose me.
And I'm staring at you while you sleep,
Sounding like some sort of creep,
But it's surreal.
This is dreamlike.
I feel like time goes a little slower with you,
I feel like life will never be over with you,
I ******* love what I feel when I see you.
I live for the emotion you make me feel,
I live for the oxytocin my brain starts to spill,
The chemical love drug in my head.
It makes me think of you late at night lyin' in bed.
It's times without you I'm starting to dread.
More and more.
Because I think I love you,
I'm all for you.
But I'm trying to work some things out in life.
And I'm certainly not trying to introduce you to the strife,
That makes up my everyday routine.
Girl you make me dream.
But in the grand scheme,
Will it really matter?
Because these words we trade may flatter,
But in the end what comes after?
Some departing words and some broken hearts?
I don't know if I can stand to go through that again.
I don't know if I can stand to go through it again.
I can't go to sleep runnin' this through my head.
I love you,
You make me toss and turn in my bed.
You make me have beautiful dreams in my bed.
You make me wish we could lay awake in my bed.
I think I love you...

See I may be some sort of emotional sap.
But girl, your eyes, they take me places.
I might be confused and unsure about how I feel about you.
But every single time I see your eyes my heart melts.
I'm afraid to ask you how you feel about me.
But those beautiful brown eyes make me feel affection.
When I look at those eyes.
I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I feel like my heart has drifted,
To you.
When I look at those eyes.
I feel a cold snowy day,
Inside, drinking hot cocoa.
I feel us cuddling under the blankets,
Watching a romantic movie.
When I look at your eyes.
I feel at home.
When I look at your eyes,
I am home.