Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

I miss the days of innocence
When all I knew were scuffed up knees
And fantasies read as bedtime stories

Laughter came easily
And tears dried as soon as they crept
Down my reddened cheeks

You sang me lullabies
and the fireflies brightened the night's sky
As we dreamt of tomorrow's dawn

But tomorrow came too soon
And forget dawn, it's already noon
As I lay in this empty bed
Full of regrets

She comes to me at night
Crawls under the covers
And into my mind

She turns out the light
Tells me how I’ll never find a lover
And makes sure no clouds are lined

She finds me alone
Kisses my forehead with her cracked lips
And tells me it could all be over

She tells me how I could atone
Says it’s like jumping ship
And I won’t feel hitting the water

She plucks all the stars from my night sky
Puts them in her pockets
And tells me I won’t need them where I’m going

She is me

I want that love
That leaves you needing a second cup of coffee
After texting all night

I want that love
That plays those slow jams on the stereo
Under your window, outside

I want that love
That makes you skip a step
Because it feels like sunbursts in your insides

I want that love
That sounds like honey
Drizzled on lullabies

Give me that good love tonight