Every breath I take lately feels like it’s crushing my ribs. But when I exhale I have to let it out slowly because it’s as if I’m hiding in the shadows from a murderer listening for me to make a sound. I’m walking on egg shells. Speaking in foreign tongues. Trying to avoid all the pain everyone seems to be throwing at me. Yet I catch it every time. Being careful is useless. So is trying to breathe calmly. Everything I do and say hurts. It hurts me or someone around and I am so sick of it. Breathe. Breathe deeply in threw your nose. Don’t let it affect you. Don’t let the knife in your gut be twisted deeper. Breathe out threw your mouth. Don’t let the hollowness you feel consume you. Push forward threw the dark. Breathe. I promise you’ll find the sun.

I hold on to pointless things,
Like the texts you sent,
About your love for me.
I hold on to the irrelevant memories,
Like you holding my hand,
While whispering I'm yours.
I hold on to the sound of your voice,
Intoxicating and out of tune,
Singing in the car to make me smile.
I hold on to the joy you brought,
Before the heartache you left,
Because I would rather remember you that way.
I hold on to you,
Even though you don't know it,
Because you were my first love.
I hold on to every bit of happiness you ever gave me,
Because without it,
I would have never known what it was like to love someone unconditionally and truly.
I will hold onto what we had until the day I day,
Because true love never dies,
And first love never fades,
And to me that will always be you.

hidden behind a clever disguise,
comes the truth behind the lies,
a truth so dark you cannot see,
a truth so thick you cannot breathe.
underneath the shimmering smile,
stand in the soon to know isle,
there's a deep secret no one knows,
but now it is about to be shown.
there is hate within my bones ,
so dark and deep no one knows,
its a hate of myself and only me,
tearing my skin off for no one to see.
slicing deep and stabbing hard,
my wrists inevitably scarred,
i cannot find the happiness unknown,
i am a vessel of hate for me.
i wish i knew what happiness is,
maybe there would be a way out of this,
it's all planned and ready to go,
soon i'll pull the trigger and no one will know.

I held onto you for so long,
I no longer know how to let go,
It's as if you've become a part of me,
You're somehow intertwined with every part of my being,
I look in the mirror to see you,
See the parts of my body you've kissed,
Look into the deep blue eyes you loved,
Do the long brown hair you loved,
The necklace you gave me hangs low in the hollow of my neck,
A simple heart,
Yours,
But it isn't your heart at all,
Not anymore,
It's just the painful memory that I no longer have it,
You no longer want me to have it,
You left me,
Unexpectedly and swiftly,
You let go,
I held on fighting for a love that was never mine to hold,
You never wanted me,
You wanted a body to hold and lips to kiss,
Not the girl who they belonged to,
And because of you they don't belong to me anymore either.