hhhopeless: Favorites

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Nostalgia

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

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I would like to sit in an open field with you and scream at the top of our lungs
until ever word that's ever knotted in my throat comes pouring out of my mouth and dripping from my lips like blood
I would like to scream for every plea for help you've ever held inside and cry for every tear your heart refuses to release
Scream with me until we've clinched our fists so tight that every blood vessel made of nightmares untold will burst into a pool of secrets
Until our bones are wrapped in layers of nostalgic thoughts
and my spine coated in leaves closer to death than I believe I am
Though blood may be the poison watching each word fall from your heart immerses my soul like crimson relief

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

The Pit

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Ink

The Pit

I lay on the ground, shivering.

The walls around me are made of stone, they fill up my world.

I cannot see beyond them. Have never seen beyond them.

Instead, I lay in this pit, on the cold ground, with a dark light surrounding me. It is the only light in the Pit.

The light is of the sky that blows snowflakes onto the Earth. Far above, I see this sky and it illuminates this world into a grey haze.

The beauty of it is undeniable. Yet, a snowflake never falls here. There is no white to marvel.

Outside these walls, the snow fills a surrounding forest of white birches and the cold ground.

I have never seen the forest, but it is there.

I lay on the Pit's stone, shivering; dieing.

The whispers of the Demons haunt me. They are the only other voices I know.

They tell me nothing but what is horrible.

But this Pit and the Demons of Darkness are beautiful.

They are my life source and I am theirs.

But the price of this pain is costly.

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Unpacking

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Ris Howie

Unpacking

My English teacher always said let's unpack the meaning,
sometimes I really wanted to tell her *******- maybe the person who wrote it wanted it to stay packaged nicely in it's box.

We write because we feel
or because we don't.

If the brook is running into the ocean, and the water is flowing fast
why does it need to be symbolic for the tears that flow through the current of our lives and empty us,
let it be a **** brook.

We write because we feel
or because we don't.

If the wallpaper is yellow, it's fading, it's flowers now appear to be dripping off the walls,
why does it need to be a metaphor for the rejection of a lover and the deterioration of a soul,
let it be a **** old house.

We write because we feel
or because we don't.

My English teacher always said let's unpack the meaning,
sometimes I really wanted to tell her *******- because when I wrote my last piece
I let the pieces of me burst because I didn't want the world to see how I was feeling.

We write because we feel
*until we don't.

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Its all lies

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Do I Matter

Its all lies

Why does life consist of lies you ask.
It is truly something no one can understand.
Life is something with a mask,
But you still decide to give it your hand.
You see my dear,
Life is a journey which has its ups and downs.
How can you live if you live in fear?
You listen to those commanding sounds,
When in reality it's just you.
It whispers frightning things in your ear.
You are the one to decide if it is true,
But do not let them get near.
You are a fool my love.
You believe them and what the say.
You should only care about the one above.
These lies are a game which you must play.

Do you believe them?

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

These voices

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Do I Matter

These voices

you are not good enough
no one likes you, might as well die
go hurt yourself you ugly *****!*

Meet the voices in my head
They try their very best to get to me
They almost caused me to be dead
And they were the reason i wanted to flee

I did not want to be me anymore
They made me hate myself so much
I started walking to a door
I knew this was my way out with one touch

I had to get the key
This was hard, but worth it in the end
That key helped me to flee
Flee from the voices in my head

But i will not get too comfortable
For these voices may return
These voices make me uncomfortable
Dont play with fire darling, you will burn

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Let it out

Dec 2013 hhhopeless

Do I Matter

Let it out

I just cant hold it in anymore. I dont know what to do. These feelings are getting in the way of everything. The feeling of pain, shame, hurt, sadness, heartbreak and so much more. I cant get anything done with them in my way. The voices in my head tell me to only focus on those feelings. Its hard to live a happy life when youre not happy... Life is hard for a self harmer.. People look at you differently. They look at you as if you are not human. They treat you diffirently. Some treat you with more respect and others just hurt you with words. Little do they know that hurting me is not going to het them anywhere. The only thing they can get out of that is my death. I dont know how to deal with this anymore. I push all the help i get away. I only do this because i dont want anyone else to get hurt. I will always put everyone before myself. The reason for that is because i dont want anyone to be as unhappy as i am. I know how that feels and i dont want anyone to go through that pain im going through. My friends try to make me happy and i would force a smile and a laugh. What do they want me to do? Just be happy. Well thats not going to happen... Happiness doesnt just come, you have to work for it. I wish i could please everyone... Sadly no one can...

Is there anyone out there who can accept me for me. The crazy girl who just needs some love...

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