No, I don't want to "talk".
I want to be able to see you, face to face, and be able to see your real expressions when I speak instead of having to guess from the emoticons you send.
I want us to go out to be real and actually hang out, to have fun, to take pictures that have an amazing background story I can remember when I later look at.
I want to argue and cry and laugh and shout and read books and eat together.
I want a real relationship where not everyone in the world has to know that we're together.
Just us two.
Faithful and commited to something real where we're not just toying with each other's emotions.

have you ever wanted to shed off your own skin and start everything all over again?
or even start your whole life all over again with the memory of the choices you made and the consequences they brought so you could fix everything that would go wrong?
no? oh. well I have.

We used to play footsies back in the third grade under our desk while the teacher talked about division and words we would never use like "nonchalant" and "prosperity"
We would lay in the benches together during recess and look at the clouds move when we were supposed to be playing handball
We would run off to the library to help put away books to get away from everybody
You were there when I first developed my love for books and the beauty of poetry
I would help you with your homework because I was better at math than you even though I never paid attention, and you probably only pretended to need help
We would share my snacks because sometimes you didn't have any
You were there when I lost 30 pounds because my mom was so obsessed with me being the perfect little girl she dreamed of
You were there when I first started developing my bulimia, even though you didn't know it was even going on You sometimes hung out with your other friends and you would ask me to tag along because you didn't want me to be alone
You didn't come from a good family and you had many problems
You started to disappear bit by bit and I started making up excuses saying I was helping the nurse or reading in the library and didn't even notice your lack of absence
You weren't there on the last day of school and I'm sure I'm the only one that noticed your absence
But you came back a couple of months later and acted like you didn't know me
And soon again you were gone
But I still have the memory of you in my mind, and I think of you sometimes
And even though you wouldn't recognize me if you saw me again, I know for a fact that I could recognize you from a mile away

I miss the old days when I was naive sand stupid and everything was much more simple
It was all up to my imagination and I didn't have to make decisions that would determine my future
And those stupid legos that I would spend hours playing
What I would give to have those days back

is it too much to ask for one day?
i mean one, just one day.
a day where i can be happy and not have to worry about other things.
all i'm asking for is one day.
a day where i can truly be happy and celebrate and not have to listen to people's stupid comments about my choices in life.
where i don't have to live up to people's expectations and people will actually keep their promises.
******* it, is it that much?

falling
down
a Hole
so
dEep
it
aLmost
feels
perPetual