you were like the green light
that i thought were the only one
that kept pushing me to go;
"go" as in not to leave but
to "go" as in to keep pushing me
forward
to help me be more better
but what if
that is not what i wanted?
what if i just want
to be myself;
and not to upgrade
or even downgrade?
i'm always the red light
i always stop whenever
i try new things,
i always stick with the average
and not more
and not even less;
but i guess,
it won't hurt to try
because for you
for you, i will and
i can
i choose now to be better
because with you,
i feel like i'm becoming more
and more
that isn't bad right?
you make me feel more
and whole
and complete


i just wish i could do the same
to you

ocean,
i wouldn't mind drowning
just to be able to
reach you
because that's something
i wouldn't mind doing;
to be able to reach the
u n r e a c h a b l e

no matter how many poems i write about a girl who loved a boy,
i always end my day, staring at the infinite skies above with the mere question: "why am i still not good enough for you?"

and then i realized,
maybe all of these poems made by my mind and hand,
were all about
me and you

although there's no exactly
me and you,
it was an endless possibilities of "what ifs" or "maybes"
and the question: "am i good enough for him?"

at this instant,
i am ****** about everything
that you did
no matter how big or small,
or if we've left it all behind before

i am angry
i am mad
i am disappointed

but whatever negativity i am feeling for you right now,
i can't,
i can't seem to feel it right
because even though i feel everything at once,
i look at you
and it disappears

love, i can't seem to get mad,
or angry,
or disappointed
at you
because of all this negativity within me,
you're the positive that stays

whenever i feel less,
you make me feel more;
whenever there's someone greater than me,
you always show me that they can be the lesser ones to what i am capable of doing to you;
of loving you wholeheartedly
that no one else can;
you are my "addition" in this world of "subtraction"
you subtract my problems and add blessings to my life

so no matter what negativity i sometimes feel for you,
i can't continue feeling that way
because i always think of the good things that you did for the betterment of myself,
how you made my life better than it already is,
and i am thankful
for you being the greater, the more, the add-on, the positive one in my life

i am dying to know if you still have the tiniest bit of feelings for her;
so i can finally live
to tell the tale
of "the girl who loved a boy"
wait no –
**"the girl who loved a boy who loved another"