We should have went on that walk
In those shoes you were sure I wouldn't be comfortable walking in
So I could hear your voice cutting the stars and the white air
;stringing thoughts like constellations
So I could take you in like ocean waves
So I could feel your heart beat within my hands
So I could see your stars for eyes behind blinding lenses and in them the reflection of street lights...

But we wrapped up in each others skin instead and forgot the true meaning of letting new love in

i cannot remember how your lips taste.
i can only remember they felt like
an uninvited guest trying to move in.
your lips and teeth are perfectly
made to **** on skin
so then you won't have to make lies with them.
but i let you in.
(maybe if i do what
he wants, no one will get hurt).

the tribe of my love,
has never been one to be
silenced by any lips but my own.
that should have been my
warning for a war cry.
but it was too late.

you were Columbus Day.
you came in as a new reality
and you left as a tragedy.
you put a knife to the strings
that held us together.

there is a spirit floating around
the ghost town of my heart
that is mourning the loss
of your name.

it is aching to hold on to
memories before the battle,
but is blind to see the bodies,
the bullets.

we have taken a knife,
and cut the strings that
held us together.


(for many people, Columbus Day only expresses the start of the damage introduced by imperialism, colonialism and the celebration of the birth of issues in North America, that still happen to plague us world wide)

I fall in love when I am lonely
4. I won't be able to look in the mirror and be happy
5. I can not fall in love after ***.
6. My need for affection is insatiable.
7. I somehow convinced myself I will be the Anastasia to one of these Mr.Greys
8. I feel that two is the loneliest number
9. As long as you touch me I will love you
10. I wont be able to look in the mirror and be happy
11. I know I said that twice
1. I do not know how to love people properly.
2. This includes myself.

The only reason I don't believe in god
Is that every time I call out and wait
For a response,
I hear one
But it isn't the shining distant
Palace of foretold heaven
But instead,
My own thoughts knocking around
In a hollow skull
That I found in the gutter
A long time ago and decided
It was about time I had fun
And ran with it as a joke
A great joke, a cosmic joke
The joke
Laughing all the way to
The enlightenment that
the completely Lost
sob around but never
Penetrate
The world turns its humble face
From the oscillating bits that make
Up their fibre of being and exist
Only so we may exist alongside them
Because the world it seems, has
Matured too much, gone to far
To fraternize with the original
Few who will outlast any
Newly minted spirit the string-pulling
Puppets could muster up
Inside their cobwebbed memories
Devoid of the experience
Because that's all we can be, isn't it?
Memories
The fools will cry
But the enlightened ones will laugh on
And on realizing that
Failure, being the apex, is forever
And success is singular
Letting themselves drop so far
That they find themselves
Beyond the game and petty rules
In a place were fire whispers
And the trees don't mind
Being burnt
Because only what comes
Can be the true redeemer
The past is only set in stone because
The mason has given up his future
Along with the Good Christians
Who have resigned themselves
Not even bothering for a formal
Agreement or deed to their
Autonomy
And who when the next jesus walks along the lonely path to the hill
After fighting a war with
A few close friends more lost
Will stand and throw rocks like Romans and not see the flow of what could be
And then in the same age advanced be called the murderers of the new prophet
This sad excuse of a worldly Society
Rests thrashing in
The final throes
Legitimizing non reality
And the world of professionals who
Have turned reality on its head
Turning the world into a place where
Cloth creates flesh and not
The order of flesh atop
The holy hierarchy lacking a point
Living in the base
And all we are left with are crises
That no one can afford to fight
We strap ourselves to the ride to hell
Not seeing that the man who pulls the lever is just the same as the one
Who burns first.
The people search for a god in the sky
The more adventurous  with
Chemicals coursing through
their veins
But god is in the grass
Speaking without words
But in instances
Moments of eternity where
All that was, time and space
Flow in and all that could be but hasn't becomes formalized as occurrence
Flows out leading to the inventive
Moments of bliss just beyond
Grasping hands.

I remember the day you promised me the world,
Forever and always.

And you kept your word all summer.
I woke up with your arms around me and
Your sleepy laughter filling the room.

When autumn came,
Forever started to fall apart.
It crunched under our feet with the leaves,
And the changing colours made it all to beautiful
For us to realize everything was dying.

Winter came and forever was long gone.
It was replaced with a burning coldness,
And a longing for the warmth of summer,
A taste, a sliver of forever.

When spring came around,
I was looking through the mess of soggy leaves
Finding pieces of forever, but never enough
To salvage what we once had.

You were finding pieces too,
But you pawned them off on someone else.
She tried to put your pieces together,
But always knew there were some missing,
That they belonged to someone else first.

I think that we always knew,
Forever was meant to fall apart,
And we could sell it to whoever we wanted to,
But it would never be the same as it was
Brand new.

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

I thought I tasted
something unique in your mouth.
It was clean and simple and
you smiled as our mouths
went in and out
like the tide.

I had a night that turned to day,
light touching the bedspread through the narrow window
and crawling up to where our heads lay.

And after months
of eclipse
you struck suddenly like a match
flickering into being.

I held you for a night,
but a match smolders
till it touches your fingers,
and mine are singed.