I catch my breath; snuggling closer
And yet still unable to feel you
Our bodies move together; clothes cast aside
And yet worry consumes me
My tears are caught in your arms
And yet I still feel distant

My hunger for your love pushes me further
A trapped animal; isolated by the bars I have created
How does one tear down this wall
between us that never existed?
Fluttering panic I cling to you
Hoping to feel some ounce of worth
But walls are cold; and cannot warm my skin
Defeated I pull away and collapse onto myself
Until I allow the pain of feeling back in
Or more often; slap a mask back on and walk out

say it was an accident; some freak occurrence. let me disappear without them having to carry the blame or questioning their every movement. let me not be the next one to choose this path. say it wasn’t at my own hand; say there was nothing more anyone could do. Please as my last wish: tell them the lies that were actually the truths that they could not believe

The Covers are pulled over her head; the stars are too bright
And the spring breeze carries with it the smell of cheery blossoms
She hasn’t quite fallen into the realm of dreams
When the sound of your bare feet come into the bedroom
A thin smile greets you climbing into bed and under the covers
You curl up next to her, the touch of bare skin against yours
She snuggles closer and notices a warmth flowering on her side
It runs down her belly accompanied by a sharp pain
The red is pooling around her now and she turns to see
the remorse reflected back at her through your eyes
And she catches the glint of what your hand holds

I don’t blame you for the changing leaves
Or for wishing me to stay inside
And I regret the worry I cause
You hear the pitter of rain while the sky remains clear
But there’s a beating in my head that won’t be silenced
And shadows mimic my every motion  
To be fair I’ve seen frost in your own eyes  
Even when you wouldn’t dare see it in mine  
I am packing to cross that threshold
with the knowledge that those winds may be the last I hear

Sitting in scraps and half written poems
I wonder if there will ever be an end to this
Countless thought and memories
That would rather be ignored
Yet here I am yearning to release them
Unable to pull the plug from the drain
And the unknown of what I will find
Except for the darkness that will surely
Leak out until it become me
And what if it consumes me
What happens when I can no longer breathe
Lead inside my chest
And it feels like death is breathing its life into my body
And all thoughts turn back to trying to control
This explosion that I have released from my mind
So once again I’m stuck on bathroom floor with a razor
This wasn’t how it was supposed to end
Where’s the resolution where’s the peace where’s the end
And with no one there to patch up the pieces
How can I know I won’t be cold tomorrow
Because I’m kidding myself if I think that won’t be me one day

I want to come back to you
Fall into your arm; to kiss you
And know that everything is alright
But my lack of trust holds me captive
Time and time again I have seen
this theme repeated; No longer wanting
to just go through the motions
I have a story to tell and you will not listen
I scream it in your ear; begging you
just to see you turn and pretend not to hear

Your own words appear loving and caring
When all written out and yes I know
that is how you wish for this play to turn out
But your actors are getting the script all wrong
With unmemorized lines and emotions flailing
No appearance do you make to your own show
so no responsibility will you take when
daggers rip through my chest

I understand this was never your intention
I shove it aside once again; pretend not to notice
But there is blood dripping onto the stage
so why am I punished, when all that hurt
has piled just too high and I collapse on stage
Please, I cry, I’m sorry I never meant to
destroy your play…Will you listen to my story?