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I look for you everywhere,
even though I already
know where to find you.
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
They say talk is cheap
So maybe I can afford
To spare some change
If it means getting to hear your voice
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
I think the reason that life is so disorienting
Is because it's a little like
Driving down a road in the middle of the night
Doing 80
But the road has no streetlights
So all you can see is what's immediately ahead of you
And even then
You're moving so fast  
That sometimes landmarks don't register as important
Until they're already long gone
You just need to have some faith that if you keep going
You're not going to crash.
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
There are some songs
That if you catch me listening to them
By myself in the middle of the night
That's when you know
That I feel like a waterfall inside
Even if on the outside
I seem stagnant
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
4 Months
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
It might be that in 4 months
I won't even remember the way
You silently shook with laughter
Or the way you looked
When you took off your glasses
To clean them on your shirt
The way you absent mindedly made music
Wherever you were
Whether by tapping on your desk or with
The old guitar that your dad gave you
How you always had
Some obscure reference
To relate to anything and everything
And how you were unequivocally kind

It might be that in 4 months
Your face has stopped
Making cameo appearances
In all my dreams
And the songs on my iPod
Have stopped being about you

As painful as it is  
To look for your face in every crowd
I think I would be lost
Without that last bit of hope
And I'm not quite ready
To let go of that yet
I keep writing dumb poems about you but that doesn't change anything
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
I've been out of school for less than a week
And I'm already mostly nocturnal
I'm not sure if that has anything
To do with the fact
That it's easiest to recall you face
Or the sound of your laugh
When I can sit in darkness
My mind unmarred by the harshness
Of the sun illuminating a reality
Where you aren't here
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
I've never been one to ask for help
I've always been the one
Who would rather strain a muscle
Or drop something on my toe
Than admit weakness

Now I wonder how I managed this far in life
Failing to understand the definition
Of the word
                                                                Strength



Ants can lift 20 times their own body weight
But even though it sometimes feels like it
I am not an ant.
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
When I was little
I knew exactly how to answer
When adults asked me,
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Why is it that now
When I'm right on the cusp of adulthood
That suddenly I can't remember my lines?
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
Film is absolutely an art form
And if you try to tell me any different
I will fight you with all I've got
But where some art forms
Like painting, sculpture, or writing
Exists to create something new
Something that previously didn't exist in our world
Film is different
In that it is dependent on finding beauty in what we already have
I think that's why it's so important to me
I've spent so much of my life hiding in imaginary worlds
I need to remind myself
That there is plenty of magic in this one as well.
 May 2014 Helseivich
Jenni
The darkness has swallowed
All hope for reprieve
My heart beats are hollow
My confidence leaves
And though they know that I wallow
And they know that I grieve
Their darkness has swallowed
My hopes for reprieve

The monsters are coming
To take me away
I know they are waiting
I know where they stay
And the sunlight is waning
The day fades away
And the monsters are coming
To take me away

My debt must be paid now
It’s long overdue
I do not care how
As long as it’s soon
If my life I must lay down
I’ll leave it with you
For my debt must be paid now
It’s long overdue

You were so trusting
Your heart was so pure
Your dreams were of wedding rings
You knew I was yours
And I heard your soul sing
But I messed up the chords
But still you were trusting
And our love was pure

You never suspected
What I was inside
Because I had perfected
My tactful lies
Or cause you resurrected
My human side
So you never suspected
The monster inside

That night I remember
It’s painfully clear
Your pain like an ember
To burn and to sear
Your soul like November
Cold and dark with fear
Yes, that night I remember
It’s painfully clear

Your scream like a siren
Beckoned to me
You didn’t know I was the tyrant
That I was the banshee
I had the strength of a lion
But lacked sympathy
So your scream, like a siren
Appealed to me

All the love we had shared
Our life of fairy dust
Had I really cared?
Or was it blood lust?
Were your instincts impaired?
Or were they just?
Had the love we had shared
Dissolved into dust?

I don’t know, I confess
My emotions have dulled
But since your death
I can not be consoled
And though I took your last breathe
My misery unfolds
But ah, I digress
My soul has grown cold

My time has now come
I hear the footsteps
This means little to some
But I’ll try my best
Because where they come from
Those dark, soulless depths
Will soon be my home
Once you steal my last breathes

For now apart
Forever together
My soul belongs to you
Please come to claim it soon
I wrote this a super long time ago but here it is
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