im holding a cigarette
between my fingers
conflicting with myself
with you behind me
pressing me to take
one small puff.
hearing such poisonous words
escape past your lips
is merely a privilege
to be able to swim in your caramel voice.
your death rattle laugh
entices me
to come closer
to entrap me in your chess board games.
I have been warned
about people like you
by my mother
ever since I was a little girl
that people like you
would lead me to my own down fall.
yet here I am
you always pushing me closer
to death's hands
making me excited
that you would lavish me
with your attention.
hands at the back of my mind
are reaching out
for what's left of my common sense
while small minerals are abducted
by my sharp intake of oxygen
and a wave of carbonated silk
washes over my coarse throat.
all to impress you
after I fell into your deep eyes
after I found out how addicting your presence could be
after I took
one small puff.

they told her she was too fat
and she digested every word they said.
they told her she should continue with her diet
while she indulged in their toxic words.
they ask "have you lost weight?" and pat her on the back
while she swallows her words and pastes on a plasticine smile.
"you don't need a diet, you have the perfect body" they utter
but she is already drinking litres of water to suppress the wails from her stomach.
friends and family caution her and attempt to nourish her
when she is a walking arrangement of bones wrapped in skin with tufts of wispy hair.
she has eaten up every word they say ravenously
and with every chewed up syllable
each bone becomes more pronounced
for she has digested everything
but sustenance.

all my life
i've heard adults tell me
that i'd never amount to anything.
but the joke's on them
because my customers
are willing to pay
$200 for my body.

you're lodged in my brain
like cancer in a smoker's lungs