No longer do I ever even
Notice the stars
Nor the scars on my wrist
Life:unobservant
Hell bent
A hedonistic pyramid
Monster:giving in
But with a strong will now
I will not
Let myself down
Again

Subdued
Boxed in
Laying in euphoria from suboxone

I am at home
All alone
Wishing for someone to hold

Exhaustion
Side effects reflect
Human being, beating heart

Apathy
Native to me
A cold, comfortable shell
To protect me from my hell

When sleep deprivation causes complications with the functionality of my brain
No longer can i feign
My worries
No longer will I hide
My fury

And if sleep is for the weak, I am lord of the meek
Words flow in an afterglow as I rest my head one inch above my pillow
Sleepless
A result of shyness
A result of not saying what I want to
A result of wanting so badly just to kiss you.
I want so badly just to sleep.
Wake up.
And see you.

January Frozen Ground
Amplifies sounds, found,
Tucked underneath the worst of regrets
Clutched between ****** knuckles
In the bottom of my soul
Dusty, yellowed pages of the hymn
       Words of Gold
It reads like a holy book
States melancholy, a definitive purpose
Assuages hopelessness
In a comfort that is warm and serene
Surreal
A sensation
Almost hallucinatory
Roaring through my body
Soaring through my head
Upwards, a crown
    Words of gold.

I have a personality
That I am proud of
  I have evolved from the dirt I once was
I can laugh, and I've learned how to smile
I feel human again
Secure - Nowhere near my end

I can hold a conversation
I can mingle with my friend's friends
That's all I've learned so far,
But it's nowhere near the end.

I've grown confident of my conscience
I trust myself and my decisions
My heart is not too heavy
To hold my head up as I walk, and look happy.
I'm still a dirtbag, but I'm not a demon
I just want your affection
            Not your prescription
I just want you voice
           Heading in my direction
I'll listen - study your inflection
Your voice, it will surround me
Constrict conflicting worries

Lay yourself out on my bed
I want to know what's in your head
A distraction from what's in mine
Let it die
Disappear, in time
I will disappear, in the end
Into nothing, I will blend.
But for now I am opaque
Trying to make you notice
My hand, outstretched, for you to take.

I can make you feel like heaven
Be with me now, nowhere near the end
I will show you things you haven't seen
I will understand you like you've never been
Helping you is helping me
I'm growing, but I'm lonely
And loneliness is drowning me.

If you will keep me afloat
Then I will let you know
What you really mean to me
And I will try to make you happy.