As I stood there in the ocean
it was as if the current were moving me,
and if I held real still
and closed my eyes,
it was if I could feel the earth moving beneath my feet.
Eyes shut tight,
I could understand why people did such things
as jumping from an airplane, or leaping through fire, or battling tigers
or fall in love.
I could understand why people smiled and laugh and danced
and lived.
The waves crashed up against me
strong enough to take me away,
and I realized there will always be forces that are stronger than you and I.
But as you came to stand beside me
and you, too closed your eyes,
I knew I could jump from an airplane, leap through fire, battle tigers, fall in love, smile, laugh, dance,
live.
There will always be forces greater than you and I,
but you held my hand and kept me upright as the waves bashed against us,
and that's all that matters.

He touched her like
he had never felt anything like her before.
From collarbones to hipbones,
to the birthmark on her hip to the curve of her neck
He kissed her like he’d never been kissed.

She trembled like it was her first time
and maybe it was, she couldn’t remember.
All she knew was the tips of his hair and the bottom of his feet and everything in between.
Her heart was beating out of her chest and into his,
and if he could he would capture it and keep it forever.
She kissed him like she had never been kissed.

But time was short and they had been here before,
Knowing you can try and try again but not get it right.
And maybe all those other lovers before were wrong
But this felt so right,
Because it felt like they had never been kissed.

People die all the time
I know I do.

When I heard his voice for the very last time,
when I broke that promise not once but twice,
when I forgave someone I never should have,
when I gave it all up for someone who was never
ever
coming back.

People die all the time.
The people we love
become ghosts inside of us,
and I have tried to **** them
I have the scars to show it,
but we keep them alive like this.

I tried to **** him off,
I did,
but instead
I killed myself.

“You always hurt the ones you love”
as if that makes it okay to
say the words you know they hate,
leave for two hours in the heat of an argument,
yell and scream and fight and argue,
or push them into the coffee table.

You do not hurt the ones you love,
it's as simple as that.
You do not leave when they need you most,
you do not write, type, speak,
words, phrases, sayings, sentences that will break them.

You do not break the ones you love
and if you do
and you happen to feel no remorse because
“you always hurt the ones you love”
well then you never loved them to begin with.

These last three years have been a prime example
of why not to fall in love,
because it takes too many months to piece your heart back together
after it has been beaten to death by a boy
with pretty brown eyes and charming words.

But if I could promise myself anything,
it would be that the next time I let another touch my lips
they will have to jump high fences and run marathons
before they earn that right.
The next time I let someone hold my hand
I want a five page essay on their theories of love
and a detailed description on how not to break a heart.
When another boy whispers sweet things into my open ears,
I will hook him up to a lie detector
and wait to see his lies.

Because the next time I trip and fall into love,
it'll be forever.
The next time I feel like dragging a blade across my wrists,
I'll kiss your lips instead.
When I feel like putting a rope around my neck
and hanging myself out to dry,
I'll pick up the phone and let you whisper sweet words into my ear.
The next time I have a bottle of pills staring me down after midnight,
I'll grad your hand and let you take me away.
When I feel lost or let down or like I've reached the end of my already short rope,
I'll turn to you.

“I trust you on this,” he says
but he doesn’t know that I’m haunted
by the idea
of stepping into another mans arms.

I watched my father leave a trail of love letters
throughout our two story house addressed to a secret lover.
I read them word for word
and admired his love
but hated that it was for another woman.
They say infidelity runs in the family,
like a deep rooted disease
and I’m afraid I am next.

I was the accomplice to the boy I loved
while he fooled another.
He stole midnight kisses from me
but returned every morning for her.
He stole innocence from me,
and happiness from her.
I was a chess piece to a boy
who was playing a very good game.

I am not my father’s daughter
I am not his past mistakes,
but I hold my own wrong doings
and they lead me to unfaith.

I would slit my throat
and hang myself to dry
before I followed my father’s footsteps,
but before you say you trust me
just know what lies in my veins.