There aren't always firefly's
Or a clear night sky to gaze upon the stars.
Expectations aren't always met.

I wish my mind were born- a-new
Where everything isn't always so mis-construed.
De-constructed and constructed again and again where my thoughts aren't always new.
I graze in fields of poison grass
Never knowing what should come first or what goes last.
Upon my review of my life's many trends
The gravel and stone always seem to win.

God has layed before me a fiest of sunbursts
All streaming and wild
Dying of thirst.
I have driven this road to the very end.
Heartbreaks and fist fights is only where it begins.

This life lay before me
So open and new
So fresh and renewed.
Let my mind quit betraying what my heart knows is true.
End the assault between mind, heart and soul.
Give up this fight
God - just take control.

There exists this place within myself that is deep and unknown-
Yet it is filled with peace.
Star gazing - Mars gazing-
I watch them dance to a beat of their own
And change colors like passing cars on a speedway.
What do they dance to?
Do they dance all night?
If I stare long enough - the sky begins to close in on me -
Like an elevator door migrating to the millionth floor.
My eyes become heavy and my feet begin to tingle.

Is it my circulation or the energy penetrating the souls of my feet and the sockets of my eyes?
The energy that sits so still in the night sky -
Yet moves at the speed of light.
I close my eyes - tuck my red robe collar close around my neck and let the pull of the night sky and the beat of the night earth, layer into my whole self.

30 feet off the ground and i can still feel the cold, damp, strong roots of the earth pushing and pulling every inch of me.
A draft crawls up my legs that are covored in silk.
My body shivers and turns into itself.
It is then that i listen.
I listen to the voice on the other end of the receiver -
Yet i dont hear the things hes saying,
I hear the things he is not saying.
They are screaming so loud - yet his voice remains calm, monotone, methodic almost.
I feel his peaceful pull between reality and perception.
I wait.
I wait for the quick temper to emerge- to unravel itself like a traveling, unraveling ball of yarn.
So yearning to become its colors.
And then all goes still again..
Yet moving at a pace only he can create.
Moving at a pace that wont be allowed to be changed by anything or anyone - but maybe, just me.
The observation of human doings - wait - arent we suppose to be human beings?
Why do we believe that to do will bring us further and better than just being?
Than just being.
I am ready to just be.
I am ready.

Those nasty callouses in my mind
They're getting in the way of my heart
They're blurring my vision
Clouding my senses.

Resentment seethes and grows
Making sure to grip onto every fiber of my being on its way through.

Leave me the **** alone.
Find another crawl space
Another warm body to leach onto
You *******.

You're not going to be the death of me
My soul and my heart are far too weathered
And will outlast this joke you call a storm

Insatiable appetite.
For all the wrong things.
Who defines right and wrong?
WE DO.
Our perception is our reality..
It is the only reality we know.

Insatiable appetite.
I long to feel something other than a memory.
My today's are filled with memories of yesterday's.
All of my present moments..squashed.
My mind jumps and leaps through fields of
dreams.
A life of the unknown.
An insatiable appetite for what lies ahead.

I finally dreamt of thee
But not how I wanted it to be.

Last night I dreamt of you as never before.
As agony and angst ate at my flesh; it tore.
With you, well I was just another *****.
You chased the very devil
And I became your shadow.

The moon hung low..
A beaming light to our path of destruction and defeat.
Its light shimmering off the dewey grass
The harsh winds sent your coat tail flailing,
Teasing it just beyond my fingertips.

For it was you I was trying to grasp.
Your very soul I was was trying to save.
But grasping at coat tails in the wind is a far cry from saving a soul.
With each desperate grasp from me.. You grew closer to her.
You see, this devil wore a pretty face.
One you could not resist or wait to taste.
Lucidity dreaming; I lost you to her.
No sadder song could my heart have cried out.
No sadder song could my heart have cried out..
No sadder song could my heart have cried out..

Your silence betrays me
Takes me to an all to familiar place
A place much like the table you once hid under begging to be loved and i just didn't have the heart to say no
I have always loved you
I always will
What else is there to say
I have said it all...not said it all
Felt the pains and swallows of your heartbreaking so many times its like shards of glass stuck in my gut
Screaming to come out with no escape
Let it reign free
Let the lid come off
If I am your moon
Let me hang low
You'll be the tide my tidal wave tide
Take a breath
And that grave that you dug
That we dug so deep lets build a ladder
A ladder thats made of steel from the shards in my stomach
Let the sun shine upon our faces
Please
Let the sun shine in
Please
Colliding together as tidal waves and
Skies that are so deep
You can sink your teeth in.

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I sense something off.
A partical of a strand to the millionth degree.
Some sence is not making sense.
If i feel with my heart
If i see with my eyes
If i feel with my touch
If i hear with my ears
If i taste with my tounge..
Yes, let me taste with my tounge.
Let me feel the vibrations of your heartbeat so rhythmatically in tune with mine.
Let us paint this white flag red
With all our love and bloodshed.
Let me sense your sences until yours is mine and mine is yours.
Until two hearts beat as one
Until the swagger of our hips collide
Because yes, making sense is what we do best when it comes to our sences.

The moon is on my side.
His allure, it grips me
As light fades into night
He eclipse me.
We fall together, rise together
Shine together, side by side..
Whisk away in the night together
Walk hand in hand as we pocket our pride.

This moon, you see..
He knows all my secrets
Has brought me to daylights
On all of my darkest nights.
Nights that I never thought would end..
Nights that I never wanted to end..
And yes, even on nights I tried for the end.

The moon is on my side.
He takes as many shapes as the curves in my figure.
Memories and moments
Always attentive, never does He linger.

With each glance
With each dance
With each phase
With each moment in my most pressing days
He promises me the light will surely come.
Alls He asks is that I hang tight
To believe in Him
Even when things dont seem right.

What lies beyond our perception?
Our world is our perception.
Our actions, reactions and pro-actions.
The things we think, do and say are our beliefs.
Are these working for us?
Our American society is based on replacing the old with the new.
Our politics contradict and segregate our country.
Most people genuinely believe people cannot be trusted and relied upon until they prove themselves.
How much of ourselves do we have to put out there to create genuine human relationships yet still maintain our controlled environment of emotions, beliefes and attitudes.
What about our relationship with a God of our understanding?
Do we live humbly in our day to day lives..
Do we have true companionship with our fellows?
How often do we think of OUR needs and not anothers?
We are human
We are emotionally fragile beings.
Let's treat each other as so.

We'll start from the back and move forward.
Who ever said the end is the end?
Jesus himself showed us that the end is the beginning.
I have faced the forces
I have battled the fight.
We won't give up.
Not on each other,
Not now.

God carries you as he carries me.
Moving forward..
Starting from the end.
Fallen Angels float among us now
Who will be brave enough to open their minds to what stands right before us?
Who can clear their minds enough to open their hearts?
I speak and write and live for HOPE.