All alone, my thoughts they burn,
But through my pain I do learn.
I am me, I can’t be fixed,
There is no cure, it doesn’t exist.

All alone, I do survive,
Through my pain creativity thrives.
The words flow out, they are my soul,
Keeping me sane, keeping me whole.

All alone, I do cry,
Writing these words that never lie.
No one can feel it, they can’t possibly understand,
The only one that really knows is the pen in my hand.

All alone, I dream so big,
Hoping for a life I know I’ll never live.
The dreams live on inside my mind.
I think about them all the time.

All alone, my heart still beats,
Through all these nights I do not sleep.
I count my blessings; thankful just to be alive,
Without this mantra I just couldn’t survive.

All alone, I see so clear,
Wishing my hardest that you were here.
I’ve learned to let go of so many things,
But this isolation is really what stings.

All alone, I feel the pain,
It wears on my mind, it stabs at my brain.
I am not bitter, I won’t be like you
I’m not a coward; I know I’ll pull through.

All alone, I know it’s temporary
But I am only human, this time makes me weary.
My spirit is low, it needs to be refilled.
I’ll never give up, I never have, I never will.

My heart aches with an envy so real.
My head can’t rationalize all the things that I feel.
My body yearns to be held so close.
My heart betrays me with the emotions I show.

My eyes are jealous when I see him with her.
My heart pounds with all the feelings that stir.
My ears hear all the tears that I cry.
My mind knows I am upset, but it doesn’t know why.

My heart rules everything that I do.
My skin tingles every time I see you.
My mind and my heart are forever at war.
My life is a battle with no one keeping score.

My soul forever bares the weight of the two.
My heart and my mind can’t decide what to do.
My heart will keep beating confused and surreal.
My mind will keep trying to understand the things it can’t feel.

I honestly can’t tell anymore
Where it ends and I begin.
The monster inside my blood cells
I fear, is beginning to win.
It has never been a fair war,
It’s been cheating from the start.
Attacking me since birth,
From the very first beat of my infant heart.

It knows when to hit the hardest
And where I’ll crack the most.
It knows just how to make me tumble,
It is the parasite to my weakening host.
I have become so ****** tired
Of trying to smile through the pain.
It’s become like standing in the middle of a storm
And pretending not to feel the pelting rain.

I have lost count of all the battles
It has won and I have lost.
All I know is that it’s a lifelong fight
And it will try to defeat me at any cost.
The only way to **** this beast
Would take me down as well.

Violently shaking straight out of the womb,
But you were right there to sooth my nerves.
Violently shaking on the very first moon,
But you were right there to lull the cresting waves.
Violently shaking for twenty moons,
And you were always there to calm the rising tide.
Violently shaking on the twenty first moon,
And you are no longer here to save me from being washed out to sea.

Far away from the thoughts of home
and the sights of familiarity,
I still believe that you will be on the other line
if I were to dial your number.

Far away from all the memories
and the sweet smell of your house,
I still believe you are waiting,
ready to hear my tales of triumph.

Far away from all the sleepless nights
and the loving glow of your eyes,
I still believe that you will be there to hold me
when the monsters come back to play.

Far away is the distance between you and I
and for a while this shall remain fact.
Close to heart are all of the lessons
that made me who I am and who I will become.

It's a shame you'll never get to see
all the amazing things you said I could be.
I know you're watching from above,
Though you're gone I still feel your love.
You left a hole that no one could hope to fill,
even with time I know nobody ever will.
When I thought I wasn't good enough
you looked at me and called my bluff.
Because you loved me I am strong,
you believed that I could do no wrong.
You taught me how to stand up tall,
even through the times when I felt so small.
I will not say goodbye, for this isn't the end.
I know that one day I will see you again.

These four walls are closing in,
quickly becoming my only friend.
I want so badly to call them foe,
but they’re the only sanctuary that I know.
Outside these walls I am free,
to writhe in such eloquent agony.

These four walls leave something to be desired,
their meticulous blandness has left me quite tired.
Emotional or physical, which pain is worse?
I suffer both in this place to which I am cursed.
Do I have a choice and which would I choose?
Rational thinking has completely lost its use.
It seems I am forced so suffer both blows
amidst these walls where all time slows.

These four walls have crushed me whole,
they seem to demand my once pure soul.
Encased in pain, my heart has fallen hard,
I suffer in silence, playing my cheerful card.
I have foolish notions of what I could be,
if all these searing wounds didn’t plague me.
I don’t want to be sad, don’t mean to sound bleak,
but I’ve rarely felt a time when I wasn’t weak.


Out of these four walls I will move on,
though the memories will never be gone.
I’ll pick up the pieces and continue down this path,
I wish I could say that I knew I wouldn't be back.
Back between these four walls where I’m forced to heal
from the treacherous fate that my DNA has sealed.