Oh Hashem!
My dear old friend!
You're alive!

How blessed am i
to see you and the wind
dancing again
dressed in leaves, branches, or wheat.

To see you lighting candles at night
that glow only to light your face
while you like a mother, sing to me
"no matter how many shadows are rising
in the distance,
there is still a million mornings
scattered someplace"

and so i've unlatched the window
and so i've thrown open the gate
and if you'd come inside
Lord, i'll fix you some tea.

For a year now,
that cat balanced on the fence,

mewing the distance
of the alley ways.

Oh, how that animus
loved to complain.

his lonely cries
and the sound of clocks keeping time,

could keep me awake,
my sleep scattered for days.

Unprepared,
my eyes form rivers

spidered into tributaries,
that ***** out, in search of Your Seven Seas.

my hands treading the water,
attempting to pull out consistency.

i am amazed,
how at once You can both

stand me
and buckle my knees.

Quiet, now.
The Conductor speaks,

wet your mouths
and reeds,

for soon,
He'll point to you

and say,
"sing! small child, sing!"

The smell of coffee and black sharpie fill your senses
Dragging yourself out of bed, you wrap the sheet around your naked body
Your head hurts more with every movement, every thought.

The sticky note on the door
written in small, squished, boy-like writing
"I never promised you forever."

An internal stutter
I see you again, for the first time.
The sting of reality’s slap
Makes my inside collapse.
You are here now –truth.
Did you ever have any feelings, --you probably never felt any
They have long since hit the road, if you did.
I think deep breaths will help clear my head.
Oh no.
I almost had forgotten,  
But I am instantly reminded of
Just how heavily you have always worn that enchanting scent.

I say…
You say, “I don’t know”
I say…
You say, “I am home for some unfinished business.”
Suddenly a blossom of hope strains,
Trying to reach the ray of sunshine that your words send.
But instinctly I know,
Those memories I have
Need to remain
Faded from the pain,
Never to be fully visible again.
I have faltered --A slip that will cost me much.
This moment of internal turmoil lasted only for a blink,
No more.

Blink- you have already turned.
You introduce me to a girl --the New girl.
You don’t know yet that she has a lover on the side, (is that my place to step in?)
Like you did with me.
Blink. Stutter.

Why do you always do these things here --at my job?
These meetings happen over and over again.
Since that faithful day a couple of months ago…
You broke my heart in your first breath
Your second breath you asked me to be your bestest friend.
How cute.
Blink.Stutter.DeepBreathe.

Now you bring girls to me to rate, compare.
I told you then,
I couldn’t handle something like this,
Can’t you understand that I need to heal first?
(I have to heal first)
How did you retaliate?
You said, “You have been the longest one night stand of my life.”
Stutter. Blink. Stutter.

My world collapsed with your words.
Now, you come to me to flaunt your new flings,
To rate, compare?
Stutter. Blink. Stutter.

She casts me a devious glance,
She knows who I was --who I am.
You turn your back.
The girl is still trying to cling to your arm.
She will be thrown to the wayside soon.

I lay on the floor,
A puddle.
You never look back --you never would show that kind of weakness.
Acid rain corrodes everything
I have tried to rebuild.
You never look back.
My heartbeat staggers
Back to regularity.
But my backbone disintegrates
Leaving me in a heap.

If only, if only, the blackbird cries.
I used to be love struck.
Now I’m just ****** up.

Let not the world fall to its knees too quick,
Hold fast your heart and longer hide your love.
The sun's bright candle burning at the wick,
Heart's position stationed as it doth move.
Shakespeare's Sonnets never do compare quite,
His words hold stronger meaning to mine ear.
With pen in hand I hope to see him write,
Across the page, his fluent voice I hear.
His words, like honey, descend off the page,
In a puddle I remain stagnant soft.
Mine heart he has stolen, he can engage,
This heart is his and he may have it oft.
Clear is my happiness what once was not,
All love I hold for him is not forgot.

Resting on the movement
swaying on the rampage
which holds me up

that image: deceitful buoyancy
precocious in its affront
vicious in its labyrinth
it lies

no steady hand
controls its path
it stays upright, not with will
but impish whim

it threatens constantly
to swerve its meandering course
to drop finally in destitution
leaving me bare

There are some qualities—some incorporate things,
  That have a double life, which thus is made
A type of that twin entity which springs
  From matter and light, evinced in solid and shade.
There is a twofold Silence—sea and shore—
  Body and soul. One dwells in lonely places,
  Newly with grass o’ergrown; some solemn graces,
Some human memories and tearful lore,
Render him terrorless: his name’s “No More.”
He is the corporate Silence: dread him not!
  No power hath he of evil in himself;
But should some urgent fate (untimely lot!)
  Bring thee to meet his shadow (nameless elf,
That haunteth the lone regions where hath trod
No foot of man), commend thyself to God!

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****** and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to ***** up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

I don't know how many bottles of beer
I have consumed while waiting for things
to get better
I dont know how much wine and whisky
and beer
mostly beer
I have consumed after
splits with women-
waiting for the phone to ring
waiting for the sound of footsteps,
and the phone to ring
waiting for the sounds of footsteps,
and the phone never rings
until much later
and the footsteps never arrive
until much later
when my stomach is coming up
out of my mouth
they arrive as fresh as spring flowers:
"what the hell have you done to yourself?
it will be 3 days before you can **** me!"

the female is durable
she lives seven and one half years longer
than the male, and she drinks very little beer
because she knows its bad for the figure.

while we are going mad
they are out
dancing and laughing
with horney cowboys.

well, there's beer
sacks and sacks of empty beer bottles
and when you pick one up
the bottle fall through the wet bottom
of the paper sack
rolling
clanking
spilling gray wet ash
and stale beer,
or the sacks fall over at 4 a.m.
in the morning
making the only sound in your life.

beer
rivers and seas of beer
the radio singing love songs
as the phone remains silent
and the walls stand
straight up and down
and beer is all there is.