Pardon me, dear, but I shall take my leave,
I intended to stay, yet I see I’m not needed.
Was I truthfully ever?
What hope was there, funny little speck of joy,
Has been ****** out by a single;
Word, breath, phrase.
I shouldn’t reach out,
Lest I get grabbed and forced to drain myself of,
Time, energy, caring, love.
When it’s just an insignificant boost to their day.
When I am nothing more than words on a page;
When I have faded to nothing more but a conversation.
I’ll stab my heart before I let myself feel that pain again.
Anything is better, death even is better, than that feeling,
I’m a toy.

He loves me!
(He loves you not.)
Oh, look, he gave me flowers!
(That were on last-second sale, two-ninety-nine.)
Can you believe these diamond earrings?
(No, I cannot, for they’re costume,
fake like his love for you,
which lies only between his legs.)
Such a heart-warming card!
(To make up for the fact he totally forgot.)
How did I ever deserve this?
(You don’t, you deserve better.)
He must really love me!
(Or rather, fears your emotional wrath.)
He broke up with me.
“My sincerest apologies.”
*(As if I didn’t see it coming.)

Where am I in the middle of the night,
lost with nobody to talk to,
not even myself.
Where is everyone in the middle of the night,
while I’m here silently dripping tears,
wishing they were here to comfort me.
Where is my support in the middle of the night,
as I’m wishing for hands to drag me,
out of myself and out of death’s grip.
Why do I cry in the middle of the night,
over every little painful memory,
even the ones I don’t quite recall.
It tears me to shreds,
suffering alone,
but I wouldn’t show anyone my wounds,
the ones that dance gracefully across my heart.
A little wound can get infected though without care,
oh how I have learned that well,
but who comes to save you when all the ambulances are busy?

My heart thrums louder than ever before,
with newly found passion, new life, it would appear.
Something, perhaps someone, has jump-started it,
sent it on overdrive on emotions so high up in the clouds it’s hard to breathe,
think,
comprehend.
I cry out into the night,
for how can I be so skyward, yet you so hellbound?
I throw down a ladder of my thoughts,
praying you climb up to join me,
in holy matrimony among angels and demons,
we can battle them all, you know,
even I know we can tackle the world,
with the power of mutual love.

We smile, laugh, send kind words each way,
radiating joy and sweetness,
though it is stopped by a clear wall.
Voices travel smoothly though our ears,
but there is no touch, no warmth,
no matter how close together we become,
we are blocked by this clear wall.
Attempts to punch through it are feeble,
for the pane is miles thick,
you’d need to go around it,
maybe swallow a pill and float through.
My heart is mechanical, typing hearts,
filling my brain with pleasant feelings,
but the remainder of the beating flesh,
knows this to be true,
but refuses to accept it for it remembers;
Human love.

Carry me home gentle,
to a land where angels sing,
where there is no pain;
Where I belong.

Wrap your arms around me,
so I may not be so cold,
so I am protected from my thoughts;
So I may feel again.

Whisper worries away,
putting my heart to rest,
my mind to silence;
My soul assured.

Give me a lift some day,
help me to escape myself,
my troubles;
Along with nothing at all.

When wounds open yet again,
tears never failing to flow,
I curl up in the lion’s den,
listening to lullabies they think they know.
I cry out like a mewling lamb,
my hopes and dreams clawed to death,
thoughts flood out from a broken dam,
though on my neck I feel their hot breath.

Mary, I am a little lamb,
but my fleece is not snowy white,
take me in as company, if you can,
so I may see the light.
The journey that has dirtied me,
it’s lonesome, weary, true,
but perhaps it shall not be,
with a nice friend such as you.

You took me in and fed me well,
now I must say goodbye,
to wander down where monsters dwell,
I’ve avoided them too long and to face them I must try.

Mary had a little lamb,
her fleece became white as snow,
it seems she has run off again,
and this time remains alone.