I'm the girl
Who can't eat a candy cane
Without biting it.

He's the boy
Who always double knots
His shoe laces.

It was never going to work.

Looking for a meaning
That simply isn't there
Hoping for a change
With my last prayer

You try to mask the sorrow
With every raw embrace
Your arms can never
Give me what I chase

The smell of acrid longing
The shadows buried deep
You yearn to know
The secrets that I keep

My mind keeps on returning
My feet still know the way
The edge waits
Though your eyes beg me to stay

With every hour in waiting
And thought I can't take back
I hide my valor
Knowing that I lack

Through all you stand beside me
The knife of iron and rage
My crimson blood Will scar
This moonlight page

As memories turn to daydreams
And daydreams do come true
I know the last one fighting
Here is you

I think of you, my icy lover.
As I lie here in bed,
As memories of your glass embraces pounce on me,
But you always loved to drag me down.

I think of you, my dark lover.
And how the thin lines
On my skin
Mesmerized you a little too much,
How you loved to watch me bleed.

I think of you, my distant lover.
And how I was never good enough,
How your words pushed me fast away.
I guess I wasn't "smart enough to get you".

I think of you, my "perfect" lover.
My thoughts were big and dark.
You liked to help me sink into them.
Only you ever wanted me perfect

I think of you, my persistent lover.
Even when you're long gone
I can't shake the memory of your
Words of love and pain coating my tongue like candy.

I think of you, my insecure lover.
Only now do I believe your repeated assurances
" I am not good enough for you" .
You were right.

My icy lover,
He is here now.
He is good enough to hold me tight to reality,
Strong enough to hold me through my pain,
Real enough to hold my imperfection,
And just wicked enough to know me.

With each touch of his hands
Covering my body, the finest gown,
I feel you finally melt from my veins.
I think of you for the last time, my icy lover.

Lay with me
In this moment
The shadow tantalizing
Love I never believed in

The sky our divine blanket
downy earth the only bed we need

A green sea I'm begging to drown in
And dream of the knowledge
That flows between us,
An ethereal link of pure-spun moonlight

Counting clouds and wishes
Like we hold the key to the universe
Behind tenuously pouting lips

Golden the only color I see
Golden summer
Golden smile
Golden you

The joy of you giggles up like champaign,
Dancing the giddy line of innocence and passion

Certain in the teenage naivety
Of times and truths and us
Of a summer fleeting steps to more

Hold me with the strength to fight the world of sorrow
Preserve the silken petals opening
Slowly to breath your sunlight and live

Sometimes
I think I was born sad,
Cursed from before
I left
The shelter of my mothers womb
To feel
The ice of the world
Inside my veins,
To feel
Until I want to cry and rage
And cause pain
To feel
Until I stop feeling anything

Other times
I think the lonely girl
Staring back into my crystal soul
Was created,
A pure white dress
Catching the spilt blood of others
Until between the spatter and rivulets
All you see is
Red
     Red
          Red

I learned as a child
That numb is easy,
Simply yield to the razors embrace
Allow it to taste your flesh
And all the of the richer emotions
Fade drop by drop

But the problem
Is so much deeper
Than the beat dancing
Beneath my thumb
Raised mountains
Stand out against
Porcelain skin
Like a spiders web
Old gossamer threads
Cross-crossing with ropes
New enough to weep crimson

No, numb is easy
It's joy
that I can't manage to find
As I stumble through
This dank museum
Are you there happiness?
Do you hide in the smudged
Edge of perfection?
Are you buried beneath
the rainbow of pills?
Will you lay with me
Amidst rumpled sheets?

When I find you happiness
I will hold on so tight
My chuckles blanch white
And nothing will slacken my grip
I will breath you in until I drown,
Suffocate for once in a
Different sort of daze
And hold you close like the eyeless doll
I need to go to sleep

Who are we
To look at the sky
With unclean eyes
And claim it as ours?

To fly on wings
Light with love
And claim forever?

Who are we
To ignorantly taunt immortality
Certain that tomorrow's come
To forgive our folly?

To burn and fight and break
In our desperate haste to
Find meaning in our own noise?

Must we forever
Run and run
Into the distance
Chasing the blurred
edge of perfection?

Dance and cry
As the rain washes away
Our pretenses until
All we are is real?

Must we forever
Hint at our possession of
A knowledge not worth knowing
At the expense of happiness?

Follow in the echo
Of memories too
Quickly pushed to fading
Silence?

Look, fly, taunt, forgive, burn, flight, break, run, chase, dance, cry, wash, hit, follow, push

Live

Die

All I want to do
Is look into your forever eyes
In this moment,
Content in the silence
And the innocence of knowing
More is to come

"hello" her voice sings
A familiar melody
That I can sing along to

A song of summer days
A dream of secrets
Falling from those lips
Where lust now lingers
The color of stolen wine
Sipped together in the shadows

My hands twist braids
From perfect silk
Let me be caught forever
In these fiery knots

I lie with her
In a bed of downy green
The sweetest home I have ever known

Her smell intoxicates me
Sweet-like cotton candy

God make me strong enough
To deprive this rose of sunlight
So maybe it will die
Before the whole world sees
And scorches it
With words of fire

maybe he will smother it
With his subtle demands
And glass kisses

Teenage curiosity carries him
Through my silence
As I dream of her pale eyes
Soft where he is hard

What would it be like to kiss
That pouting yielding mouth?

She calls my name
And talks of his hands
Covering her body
The finest Gown

Would that it be my hands
Would that it be my name
To make her come alive

With each word
A petal falls

I love her

She loves me not

I love her

She loves me not

I bet she tastes
Like her favorite
Strawberry lipgloss