Sadness swirls within me growing ever more tumultuous.
I cannot think, I cannot feel, I cannot love.
The only thing I can seem to do is hurt.
The past is the past is done. I cannot change my actions.
My hurt stems from every passing second without you.
Each second that could have been spent in your arms, in your eyes, in your heart.
The weight of what I’ve done, leechlike, drains me.
It was real. It is real to me. I will know no end to this pain.
To lose a diamond because I forgot to shine it.
To lose my heart because I forgot to feel it.
I am lost.

My number?
Yes.
Thousands of dollars
82 Miles
1 that got away
6 heartaches
3 heartbreaks
2 years strong
6 countries
Hundreds of tears
1 unsteady brain
2 unsteady hands
1 heart full of love
This is what has shaped me.
Call it when you're ready.

Known as "the lost", she is a part from the sea
Lost in body, not in heart and mind
For her soul flows as gracefully as the waves
And her heart calms the hearts of many

They are connected, thine maiden with the sea.
Their moods and airs change rapidly
As if the tumult of a concerto drives them both
The sweetness of silence to the blackness of fear

There is a single redeemer to the good and bad sea
The sun gives it warmth when it's calm
And parts the clouds when it is melancholy
It brings bliss to the sea in any circumstance

As am I to the girl, the sun is to the sea
A light in her darkness, a calming of her storms
I bid my warmth only for the tranquility of her face
And stay by her for the euphoria of her soul

This I pledge until the end of time
To warm the heart of another with love
As she made me the sun I am
For bringing her light and beauty into my life

Jeremy was an artist, the best of his day
He started as a boy, he liked to draw rather than play
He was famous back then, known all through the land
As the little boy from Norfolk, with the steadiest hand

Peculiar he was, for he never spoke a word
His parents told the public, "through his work he liked to be heard"
Those who watched him recall, his face was clear and gleaned
But his eyes shone dark with pain, suffering so it seemed

His art may shine bright, bring light to dark times
But it's not his true passion, rather his crux to draw lines
He has to do it anyway, from his family it keeps dread
Or rather because his parents, hold a gun against his head

A small child in a white headdress
Skips along a green, watery crest
To a tune only she and the sky knows
The further she ventures, the louder it grows

The creeks and trees wish for her company
Her eyes, to them, she tends to see
But her heart is strong and mind set true
To her destination, the forest passed through

As life is, every step unknown
We skip along to our very own song
Even when things seem inviting to stop
Our hearts and minds are set, they cannot.

Where to be, am I?
Here? No.
There? Maybe.
Stuck in a lullaby.

Am I, to be where
I am? No.
You are? Maybe.
A never ending scare.

Are we, to be?
Friends? No.
Family? Maybe.
Everything you are to me.

In a far off distant place,
I see me with thee
Setting atop a hill
Edged with a single tree

We hold hands looking
Not into our eyes we glare
But off into the distance
At forever, we do stare.

It takes us from this earth
Together, I did infer
And yet I was in one hand
And you, in the other.

I feel, I create, I love.
Without bound, without guidance . . . without fear
For art for arts sake
Is majority the reason why I am still here
Prizes blind the talented
They run after a goal of riches and fame
While their beauty is lost
In a swirl of cameras, magazines, and pain
I don’t want that life
I want to give to the world forgiveness sake
The world gave me a gift
There is only waste to take and take and take
So to all who are listening
Don’t aim for a future in wealth and pride
Be proud of yourself
But only when you can put the glory aside.

Crunch! The leaves and twigs
Woosh! The fleeting blue jay
Between the words spoken by
The softly moving stream
Melancholy sonnets breathed out
By nature's beauty and light
Euphoria attires to euphoria
Whilst serenity to serenity
The woods breath, speak, live
Humans cannot compare
Yet nature is more at peace
Than anything we could imagine

I need to stop the voices
I need to stop the screaming
There are less choices
Than I can remember seeing
I can't feel my heart
I can't express my soul
Why am I apart
Of a life so sad and droll
I go into the day smiling
Hoping for a better day
The day comes back at me growling
Shoving me back in the fray
I want to make it stop
I want to know how
I need to make it stop
There's no more my life can allow .

The soft shore sits waiting
Braiding the water in lines of shady foam
The melancholy repetition of the waves
Representing my day to day
Each day, same as the last
The stress
The anxiety
The people who don't know
That just like a wave breaks
All my waves are breaking me
If there is any way
To get out of this cycle
Permanently
Maybe Ill take it
And just let the waves
Swallow me up
Heart and soul

Day to day to day to day
Along the path of life I play
The words and melodies of one sorrowful song
Euphoria and madness betwixt the fray.

Tears sprinkle each week you say
But leave with a smile is what you portray
The nights are getting long, too long
Day to day to day to day

I want to fall away
From everything that bothers me
...there's so much that bothers me...
It's getting hard to bear
       Getting hard to stand
       Getting hard to breath
       Getting hard to live
If only the best things in my life
Could be applied to those problems
And whisked them away
Like a feather
In the breeze.
To be seen years later
In a field of never ending wonder
And yet boundless stagnancy
Where one is all
And all is the same
That is all

I don't know where to start...
At the beginning I guess.
That's where it all starts,
And ends, if you think about it

When I look inside, I don't see darkness.
I see light, wonder, potential
Spinning and spinning
Like the thoughts and feelings inside me.
Things fly by my view
At a speed too fast to grasp
And yet slow enough to see.
What do I chose?
What do I do?

An eagle chooses which way it flies.
A mouse chooses which direction it scurries.
Even a humble caterpillar has the freedom of direction.
Why can't I?
Why am I destined to stay on one path?
Since when has anything stayed on one path...

Life may not have any meaning
But it was never meant to.
Our meanings our individual, unique.
We have the opportunity and ability to shape them how we want
Make us who we want.
Meaning to one may mean different to another.
Difference of meaning is not contempt of acceptance.
Life has no meaning.
So we provide meaning into that which is life.

Darkness fills the cracks
More thoroughly than light does
Swallowing up more than just objects
It take emotions, words, faces
Throws them into a pit
Superstition only lies around such a pit
Fear of the insides of darkness
Fear of what darkness can do
We've all been harmed in darkness
We've all cried in darkness
We've all died a little in darkness
But maybe the dark helps
More than the light does
When all you have to think about
Is the pain and confusion
Of a life half-lived
A brain half-used
A heart half-healed
For these are the maladies
That inflict us all
Darkness eats life,
But pushes it forward as well.

My soul can't hear you
My soul can't speak
For it portrays beauty
In beauty, unimaginable
My soul dreams

The soul is where you can be free
It sparks imagination
It guides your creativity
We all have it, suppressed, maybe
With hope and guidance
It will show you who to be

Let my soul fly
Follow it in flight
For the tandem in our spirits
Connects who we are
In mind
In spirit
In body
And we ride the heavens
We ride the universe unknown
We ride, ride, RIDE into the glories of eternity!

We just need to get past
The pale form of our shell
That contains us in a day-to-day form
A routine fashion
We must seek and find the freedom
That will guide our lives true
Freedom comes from within
No, not from within our bodies
But from within our souls
Join us who fly
And be free
Be free
Free

Picture a perfect world in harmony
Picture an imperfect world in chaos

A stranger in a strange land
Doesn't know what he's meant for
Survival haunts us all
Motion, change, that is survival
Sending folks far, far, far
To new lives await.

In your restless mind
Even fears don't push out dreams
But I know you'll dream about me
And when the sun rises
And your gentle eyes open
They will be full of the adventures
You had with me
In the land of mystery

Our minds, though separate
Float in synchronization
For the bond, the connection
That we all call love
Binds us to each other
And takes us to our wonderlands
Unbeknownst to us
Unbeknownst to everyone
Places of secret
Places of mystery
Places of love
Places of joy
Places of tenderness
Places of contentment
Places of serenity
Places of somberness.
Dreams. They take us away from reality
And set us free

They say freedom is what you make it
They say live while you're young
But the thing is
When you're young, freedom is limited
Tied to school, tied to family, tied to youth
Even if you know what freedom feels like
The world around forbids you to chase it

I'm different.
No one has said it to my face
But I know
I can tell

When the party gets wild
When people get crazy
I am not there
I would prefer a quiet walk
In an empty alley or old park
With the stars above me
With my thoughts in my head
And with who I am, in my heart

Music and friends make me laugh
Not inappropriate humor
Not other people's pain
Society's norms are what I avoid
But even my friends
Are ****** into them
And I end up alone, watching, crying
Because I can't be normal
I have to be me
But I don't know anything other then me
I'm just different

It doesn't take much
To make my day
A smile from a friend
A conversation with a stranger
But either way
It's the little things
         The good things
That carry me through

The Wind lifts a lonely leaf
****** to the ground
By the changing seasons
And let's it fly free in the air
Where limits, there are none

I try to live with that freedom
But to only a few does it really come
And the rest
Must routine through their lives

For you, be happy
Smile to a friend
Converse with a stranger
Before you, too, fall
Into the trap
That is life

Why do I freak out
Why do my senses collapse
Why do I feel like I'm the problem
Why do I feel hated
Why do I feel looked down on
Why can't I rest
Why can't I fix it all
Why can't I take some time
To adjust the bomb I know will go off
If one more spark flies at me.
Alone is sometimes what I need
Why can't people understand that

I want to show
I want to share
Everything I feel for you
Sometimes though,
The feelings come out quicker
Than the words
And the meaning is lost in translation

We stop, but life doesn't
Moving on
Is what life is all about
If we can't move on
We can't live
Under death do our souls forgive

But don't wait, don't tarry
Although death is the ultimate redeemer
It is also the great end
To all that we know and feel
In this world

Hope is always there
That even with one world set aside
There will be a place for us
In another

My heart tries to pour out
The beauty, the pain that it holds,
Into words that flow
Like a silvery, sleek stream
But sometimes the true feelings
And meaning
Get lost in translation
Such as a branch
Gets lost in a river

When I'm apart from you
I still feel your hand
Held in mine
Your head
On my chest
And our lips
Pressed together

Love
Love is
Love is endless, bountiful
Love transcends
Different from a light,
That only travels a distance,
Love knows no boundaries
You can feel it
A million miles away
Or when my hand touches yours
Love is beautiful
Love is kind
It keeps me happy in the day
It helps me sleep well at night
Love accounts for
The reason
Why I do everything I do for you
Love has no explanation
Love cannot be restrained
But what love isn't
Doesn't matter
Because love is,
In all ways.

It just is

How does one see; one know,
How life will be to any of us
We come in and go out alone
The journey through is one of trust
Trusting all we see and meet
Meeting all we trust and see
In such a way, life is fleeting
When we are all surely running
And eventually entreating
Upon entrance to the door
A door between good and evil
A door between right and wrong
A door that tells you who you are
Heaven upon entrance
Hell upon denial
Life is surely fleeting

I am tired
The sky makes me tired
The ground makes me tired
Tired from many days of restlessness
Tired from days of stress, yet to come
My body can rest in a night
But I have yet to figure out
How to rest my soul

Is there something wrong in the way I smile?
Is there something wrong in the way I frown?
Is there something wrong in how I talk?
Is there something wrong in how I look?
Is there something wrong in what I do?
Is there something wrong in what I do back?

Some days are better than others
But why?
Why does everything feel off?
Result of happiness and sadness
Still everything feels off
And I can't grasp the feelings
        The pain
        The bitterness
        The laughter
        The differences
        The love
That all flow through me at the same time
I guess sometimes
Consequences arrive
Just from you being you.
Just from me being me.
"Fate taketh away what fate giveth"

Why is it so hard to say no
To what we know is too much.
        Too much to feel
        Too much to care
Trying to stay sane
Never seemed so difficult

Yelling, screaming, shouting
Yelling, screaming, shouting
Yelling, screaming, shouting
The voices in my head
Shouting, screaming, yelling
Shouting, SCREAMING, yelling
LIVING, BREATHING, TELLING
THAT I AM NOTHING BUT DEAD!
Why do the persist?!?
Where do they live?!?
Why don't they go away?!?




They keep me up at night
The voices of memories
Faded shadows of people
Lost but not forgotten
They're here. They're there.
Lost but not forgotten
Memories don't sleep
Shadows don't vanish
Without another presence of darkness
The darkness of our past
Lost but not forgotten

The keys of a piano are the keys to my heart
    .....my heart, my soul.....
The feelings, emotions, anger
Well up inside, ready to burst
Like a rain cloud on a summer afternoon
But the peace and tranquility of rain
Goes not into the pain

My fingers don't know what to do
Confused by quivering of my soul
So they play, no rhythm, no rhyme
But play out the thoughts, the feelings, the tears, the Devils inside
Sounds appear that mean and feel
As greatly as I do
But can scarcely express
The feelings inside
Can ever scarcely express
The feelings inside

I gave her a necklace
And asked for a smile
I gave her a compliment
And asked for a laugh
I gave her my hand
And asked for hers back
I gave her my heart
And asked for hers back
I gave what I had
And didn't ask for much back

But when I started getting no's
When I started getting "I can't"
When I started getting nothing at all

My heart broke just a little too much