the change has been decided
I'm burned out
from too much ultraviolet rays
and hazy days
can't see for the smoke
that I'm going insane
I forgot my name
to escape from any pain
and I don't tell my loved ones
what's wrong
I just it put on the page
The change has been decided
it's time to climb out that pit
and get a grip
before I resort to something violent

because I'd rather be smiling
than waking up hungover
with a mouth like a fire pit
I'd rather be sober
but my head is split
I usually do the opposite
and end up doing dumb ****
The days last forever
I'm too bored to appreciate nice weather
and I've skipped all my classes
glued to my mattress
sometimes I move slower than mollasses
smelling like I need a shower
one too many night cap glasses
a classic addict
all my friends say
"It's just college habits"
it's tragic
but I'm trying to change my ways
turning all my lazy days
into work
I don't want to be the ****
who throws his entire life away
who needs it anyways?
not me,
the change has been decided

Open it up
fill up your cup
like gulp gulp gulp
it's the drink of the lord
it's the **** you abhored
its my lifeblood
back from on tour
and it tastes like PBR
and sounds like broke guitars
it smells like ash and tar
and is sticky like cali trees
cold enough to freeze
thick like spoiled milk
poured down the kitchen sink
but feel free to take it
I just can't seem to shake it
all of these mistakes and ****
listen up kids
if you ever had a dream of making it big
you gotta follow that *****
so lace up your stiches
on the bottom of your feet
let your heart skip a beat
and chase it
because
not everybody lives
quite the way they wanna live
but as long as you give
everything that you've got
you won't stop
drop and roll
until your soul goes pop pop pop
it's out of control
so reach for the top shelf
not good for your health
but nowadays what is?
you've got nothing else
to hold on to
pierced heart like a harpoon
feel it in your chest
the rise of the slow doom
just throw on a vest
dance around your bedroom
You'll hit that success
your own little boom
boxed up and sold
to the young and old
to people outside the fold
but I guess
what I'm really saying is
don't get upset
when they say you're just a crazy kid
go ahead and take this life
and make it a vacation trip
because honesty
is the hot commodity
and you have to let them take it

I think if April were a person
it would be a young mother
Loving and kind
and sometimes,
kinda ******* nuts
but that's why I love her
I woke up this morning
and overnight
the tree outside of my window
up and decided to get pretty
green foliage
becomes emeralds in the sun
and transluscent

April means birth
and it also means rebirth
April is cleansing
and nourishing
and in my opinion
the best month of them all
but then again
I'm an April baby
so I'm probably
more than a little biased

I just wish life
was like a lazy river
I wish I could just
float through it
taking in the scenery
as I bobble forwards
catching some rays
laughing with friends
smiling at pretty girls
dressed in their bikinis
they say I lack ambition
I say they lack sanity
if their ambitions
aren't to have a good time
and to be happy
different points of view
I guess

I don't necesarrily believe in angels
but one came to me anyways
she told me
"There is a time to live,
and there is also a time to die."
I didn't know what she was going on about,
only, I knew exactly what she was going on about,
only, I didn't want to know
"You have courage in your heart,
this is a known universal truth"
look lady,
I aint got **** in my heart,
go ahead and take a look
"You can't dwell in this dark place forever
waiting for your time to die"
I thought an angel would be better able to grasp the concept
of purgatory, but apparently not,
"You weren't made for a life of cowardice,
a life on the run"
the blisters on my heels would beg to differ
"You can't hide from potential failure,
Hiding when you should stand
is the ultimate failure"
So I guess God won't be
all too happy with my report card
"It's time to wake up,
you silly little boy,
it's time to live"
and ljust like that,
she was gone
leaving me questioning
if she had ever really been there in the first place,
or if I had finally lost my ******* mind
but I like to think she was there
I like to think
it's a time to live

And from his lips leapt silence
silence which says so much
beneath the layers
of its dead nothingness
And in his head rests madness
like a tire fire
he breathes out black toxic smoke
And in his heart
he screams out
Won't somebody help me,
can't you see I'm drowning here?
but they don't
whether it's pride
or arrogance
or whether those two things
are one in the same
his silence shrouds him
Nobody hears your silence

I knew a kid
who would skip school
and get drunk
every other day
he's in rehab now
and I haven't talked to him
in two years now

I knew a kid
who would go to the river
every weekend
to do *******
and whippits
he's in rehab now
I haven't talked to him
in a year now

I knew a girl
who was an alcoholic pill head
every weekend
she would parade around parties
trying to find a man
who could make her forget
she was nothing but trouble
I don't want to see her again

My best friend
spends too much time
with his nose pressed up
against upturned mirrors
and I worry about him
I wonder when I will speak to him
for the last time

My own brother
every morning
can be heard inhaling
keyboard duster
with the added bitterant
to disuade abuse
and I worry that I might become him

Everyday I stay inside
too many problems
wake up in the real world
so I either get
really **** high
or good and drunk
to keep everybody outside
I haven't talked to myself
in quite some time now

We all have our problems
all of our heads are ****** up
in one way or another
but we'll be alright
everything is going to be
alright

When I got to my first English class in college
the professor asked us
how would you describe yourself?
there were some pretty responses
I'm a leaf floating down stream
I'm a tree slowly growing
I'm a bird leaving the nest
It was my turn
A boulder,
huh?
please elaborate,
Well teach, it's like this
I'm not alive in the same sense as the others
I don't grow or change on my own accord
no I sit still
silent
immovable
stubborn
I take in what goes on around me
since the beginning of time
until the end of time
time means nothing to a boulder
My cracks are representations
of the choices and actions of those around me
and I'm still sitting still
long after they have passed
stationary,
but don't try to move me,
because once I get going
I only get harder to stop
So that's me
a cold boulder
only capable of what
the world around me permits

Let's get drunk
not later
I mean right now
let's drink so much
that we wake up hungover
or better yet,
still drunk,
let's get so drunk
that we don't recognize where we wake up
let's get so drunk
that we do really dumb ****
tell people things we shouldn't,
sleep with people we shouldn't
let's get so drunk
that the next morning
the mistakes we made
make our life significantly worse
let's get drunk
because it's better than being sober

most of my generation
will probably be dead
within seventy years
which is a sober thought
which some would find depressing
but I've always found it comforting
the time we have here is in the end
not very long and not very meaningful
again,
people tend to think of this
as a dark way to look at the world
and I can never get them to understand
the true beauty of the fact
because what it means is
regardless of what we do in life
we have the freedom
to live it on our own terms
no expectations
no responsibilities
no nothing,
except for what we choose
because nothing feels as good
as a life lived
on your own terms
and not anybody elses

flying high,
set sail for broader horizons
try not to die
or disturb my comfortable silence
don't even try
to spark up any violence
just sit back, unwind
and listen to the guitar strings

melt into that couch
and block out the world
wash away all the ouch
and money and girls
become a total slouch
and laugh as the room twirls
just sit in that pouch
of a world undisturbed

but don't fly too close to the sun
best not to end up like
Icarus, the fallen son
because we don't end up in an ocean of water
we just burn ourselves up like lambs to slaughter.
so remember, take it easy
when you are trying to take it easy

as long as you are
one cool *** *******
you're untouchable
think about it,
guns liquor and cigarettes
surely do more bad than good
but you are a liar
if you'd say
that guns aren't bad ***
that liquor isn't cool
that smoking isn't edgy
so be cool
and as bad as you want
and they'll do whatever they can
to make sure that you
don't go anywhere

I swear to God
This girl made me feel like I was 11 again
at the school disco
back in *** **** England
asking for a dance
like a real gentleman
only to be given an eye roll
and a pair of freezing cold shoulders
She was standing over by the fence
smoking on a cigarette
looking as disinterested
in this party
as I felt
I asked her if I could *** a smoke
she said she didn't smoke
said that **** will **** you
then she took another drag
and blew a mouthful of smoke vaguely in my direction
well ****
isn't this a pickle?
because now if I pull out a cigarette
I'm going to have some 'splainin'  to do
but I heard the female folk sometimes
appreciate persistence
so fighters touch gloves for round two  
so what's your name?
I don't like guys who dress like that.
Whoosh Smack
it was a hay maker
I was down for the ten count
One last shot
did you know I'm from England
My Dad is Scottish.
well that was it then,
I was well and truly shot down
I'd just go and find a girl
who thought that my English accent
and my name
are "So cool,
just like Harry Potter"
how fun

Beach week
so we were just there
in they eyes of parents
to drink, drug, and ****
and we were
but there's more to it than that
it was a goodbye
a send off
to the times when we were allowed to be kids
so every grain of North Carolinian sand
was like a moment in time we spent
innocent like a memory
and we bask in the sun
the sand mixing with sunscreen on our backs
and we start drinking every day
at 2 pm
as if we actually had something to celebrate
we ate special brownies
and threw all of the chairs in the pool
and spent a good twenty minutes
laughing our ***** off
and to the sound
of generic radio music
hips and ***** grind against crotches
in hopes of kindling
that high school romance
that we never had the courage to pursue
and the day we left
at the end of the week
felt like a funeral
as if,
even if we did see each other again
we wouldn't be looking at the same person
we're all just growing up
moment after moment
and I don't want to

there are certain caveats of masculinity
which every guy hears at one point
my favorite is don't stick your **** in crazy,
yeah,
unless you want to have some fun

She had a pair of bright eyes
somewhere between hazel and green
he was never much good at colors
there's a spark in those big eyes
which carries a hint of
I don't know what's going to happen next
and her pouted lips
raise at one corner
to suggest
she prefers not knowing what's next
"Oh Miss bright eyes,
won't you come for me?"
he sighs
in the early morning
and before his drunk head
rests on that pillow
She makes the closet romantic in him
want to write a whole bunch of things
his friends would call gay
and he doesn't care
she has him now
caught in the spell she cast
with the gyrations of her hips
in sync with the drum beats
which ring out from the basement speakers
his bright eyed girl of mystery
and adventure
and maybe love
He has always had a thing
for bright eyed girls

Take the bottle of Jameson
my favorite one
triple distilled like a loaded gun
Imported Irish whiskey
makes you feel frisky
so drink up quickly
before the bottle's gone
Pass it around to and fro
lost in a thousand gulps
a quickly slowing pulse
my favorite flavor
my one true savior

this life
can sorta pile up on you
so much so
that you begin to feel like Atlas
waking up every morning
complaining about your sore back and shoulders,
sometimes it gets to the point where
you feel it rising up inside of you
thrashing it's way upwards
from the pit of your stomach
and you feel like if you don't scream
or curse
or break something
that you will go truly mad,
I was on my way to either being mad
or having a very sore throat
until I decided to write in an old school notebook one day
and it all changed,
I still need to scream,
I just scream with my fingertips

Friend zoned
dethroned
no more primrose
visions of a future untold
so you complain
she always goes for the ones with no brain
well it's a no brainer
you have to save her
right?
no wrong
this isn't some ******* love song
and you don't get to win the girl every time
by being the sensitive sort of guy
there has to be something in your *****
which give you courage to make the calls
the choices you've avoided
which would have let you down her halls,
but you never did
the friendship
was just too **** perfect
to try and evolve
so now you devolve
into beer whiskey and ****
oh aren't you such a knight
atop your noble steed?
you won't succeed
until you put the feeling
that your wheeling and dealing
will somehow strengthen some glass ceiling
but you complain
and ***** and moan
and say
"It's not fair, I'm in the friend zone."
when really it was you
who didn't own up to
all the things you were supposed to do

give me a smile
just for a while
I promise not
to take it for granted
but granted
not all of my wishes
have been granted
but I would take a smile
it's a simple thing
but at the same time
means so much
like a loving touch
If i could get in touch
with your feelings for me
maybe then I'd be free
free from this indecision
and worrying visions
free to be free
free to just be me
free from drinking too much
because I saw you talk to some butch guy
am I the apple of your eye?
if not, tell me why,
but if you don't really feel like doing that
like I said
sweet thing
I'd be perfectly happy
if you'd just
give me
a smile

Let me tell you about the time I got jumped,
my pumped up heart thumped me apart
it was around three AM
and we were drunk again
drinking flavored ***** in my apartment
somewhere in between boys and men
drinking to our heart's content
we head out and hit the cement
we were going to the Camel
where we thought time would unravel
It was a small venue on broad street
they did ska and jazz and other stuff
and it was never full, not by far
but we were in the mood for drunk ska
and we danced
or more so we thrashed
and kicked and punched and all kinds of other ****,
then the show was over
and we headed back
walking down broad street at 3 AM
can make you superstitious
can make you avoid every crack to avoid a broken back
we turned onto first street
and it was dark out
the sort of dark that is only viewed in a six year old's room
the sort of dark that breeds monsters in closets
or under beds, **** it, it's all in our heads,
but people are monsters that do exist
they kick and twist
vicious spirits of malice and ****
I heard the footsteps
clapclapclapclapclap
and just had time to think
"somebody is running awfully fas-"
blinding lights like fireworks
exploded in front of me
and I was on the pavement
about a  foot away from me
or where I was
what was the cause?
my face hurt, and why all this blood?
my friend Michael
he's a skinny art kid
was on the ground
getting what I can only call
the absolute **** kicked out of him
I mean he just couldn't win
they circled like vultures
these rejects of culture
"What you got? What you got?"
he got
a pair of tight skinny jeans
and a pocket full of artistic dreams
they couldn't squeeze past the seams
and they gave up
when somebody at the bus stop
yelled
"******* SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!"
they were off
and I've never seen people run so fast
I mean seriously
these guys were hauling ***
these members of the criminal class
not bad
just desperate and lost
and sick of being **** on
so they ******* with us
they didn't even get any money
they just left behind a few bruises
and a cracked lens in Michael's glasses
We went up to my apartment
I knew I wouldn't be pressing charges
those men were indiscriminate targets
and actually finding them seemed far fetched
no instead I put some ***** on a paper towel
and put it on the **** on my arm
I then proceeded to run around the apartment
trying to articulate the burning pain of my arm
but instead it came out something like
"oh **** oh **** ohhh Jesus Christ this really ******* hurts!"
and then we drank more
and I passed out on my bed
fully clothed
my ****** arm exposed
and I fell asleep laughing
because ******* it
I was alive

You can hear a pin drop
when the brain goes pop
and you can't see the world
for all the rain drops
and then it all stops
suspended outside of reality
hitting like a crushing finality
but it's no fatality,
in actuality, it's more like taking a drug
and being treated like a ****
no more kisses
no more hugs
no more best wishes
you're on you own
atop your thrown of throwaway thoughts
surrounded by all of the ghosts which haunt
their cheekbones thin and gaunt
carrying all of their sins - they flaunt
the cha cha chatter of the keyboard
allows you to soar
up up and away
looking for a better day
but let me put it in a simpler way,
when the words start to drop,
you can hear a pin drop

A look,
a smile,
a shy look away
just playing the game,
a brunette girl
dressed with class,
a checkered skirt
past the knees
and an olive blouse
leaving a lot to the imagination,
they both know,
that they have been eyeing each other,
for the past twenty minutes,
but neither makes the first move,
they were just looking to play the game
not to finish it

The campus today
bathed in happy potential memories
was seemingly flooded
with pretty girls
which isn't a complaint,
it sure as hell made my day a lot better
I'm a sucker for a pretty face
in a sundress
so keep on being pretty
ladies

I'm young,
and I don't really know
much about anything
I love my parents,
but let's be honest
genetics didn't give me
too much of a choice
I've thought that I'd loved girls
and maybe I did
how the **** do you ever know?
but I've been thinking on the subject
for some time now
debating if it even existed
and I think it has to
It's the only thing between us
and the end of all things
But it exists in simpler forms
love is the feeling you get
when you are so mad at her
that you could lay hands on her
but you never would,
you just don't have it in you
love is when
you come back to him
time after time
regardless of the ******* mistakes he makes
time after time
Love is when
the thought of them
spending time with somebody else
being consoled by somebody else
being loved by somebody else
makes you feel absolutely
sick to your stomach
but I think
that all love really boils down to
is saying yes
even though,
you know you should say no,
that is my understanding of love

The sun is shining today,
it feels as if it's the first time in weeks
I'm sitting outside of a cafe
just taking it all in.
It's spring break for the public high and middle schools
and seeing children running around downtown
unsupervised and smiling
makes me miss the simplicity
of just being a kid,
but try as I might,
I'm not a kid anymore
around this time next year
I will be twenty years old
which is pretty unbelievable

I sit in the midst of a sea of people
they ebb and flow like the tides
men on their breaks from work
their shirts opened down to their chest
a casual sunshine fashion statement
and the pretty art girls
with their pretty faces
and pretty dresses
walk on by
and I can't help but look at them
and smile to myself
like an utter idiot,
but I don't care
If you can't smile on a sunny day
when can you?

I left the windows in my apartment wide open
turned on the fans
and in an effort to symbolize
my victory over the winter
I turned the heating off
When I get home
I think,
that I will sit at my desk
and write
and be inspired by the sounds of the city
which ring out in a beautiful cacophony
of car horns, construction, laughter, and birds
it's sunny today
and no matter what happens
it will be a good day

Including this one
I have wrote
My last nine poems
From a cell phone
And if that ****** you off,
I don't care

Pbr,
A Richmond hipster
Hip checking sobriety
And being hip in a social rivalry
Alcoholic tides to me
Nothing I can hide from me

****** American beer
Nothing but
Loathing and fear
Directed towards self
A reflection on the shelf
Left alone
With nobody else

Sinking
And sinking
And sinking

Turn the shame
Into art
They love nothing more
Than a broken heart

****** beer
Flows through my veins
Easier than blood
Sorry 8 year old me
We grow up to be
Everything we never wanted

Here he comes,
All ****** up
A child
With a man's habits,
How can he handle this,
This genetic disease.
He just sits
With a mouth
Full of **** that
And waits for
This current night,
To be over

As much as I want to write,
It seems as if
I will always be better at
Getting drunk
Throwing up,
And ******* up

**** this,
**** that,
**** it all,
*******,
**** me,
**** living like this

I was just,
Covered in puke,
And toilet water,
You don't know gross
Until you have to clean that

sometimes
a beautiful girl
is only beautiful
until she opens her **** mouth,
stupidity is this generation's plague

I'm sitting here,
at my regular table
and in through the door,
waddles a stream of gluttony
bodies like melting planets
and a look which falls somewhere
between pride and entitlement
is plastered on their sweaty bovine faces
they come into an area
graze while the grass is good
and slowly meander elsewhere
chewing the cud the whole while
like an old trail hand
chews a thick *** of tobacco
these people
who don't know the meaning
of living a lean life
what do they do?
besides propagating fast food franchises
and big and tall clothing stores
what do they do?
they sit in their cubicles doing the same
mindless
mundane
pointless
task for eight hours
with lunch and breaks
and then they drag themselves back home
to the herd
and sit down in their puffy couches
in front of the T.V.
with a microwaved meal
staining their beat up wife beaters
before they fall asleep
on the couch
their mouths propped open
drooling
with a still half full
can of coors light
balanced precariously
between their cottage cheese thighs

Being poor,
Has become a certainty for me,
I have rejected my dad's money
To go off on my own
And how do I survive it?
I can survive because
I'd **** and eat your family's
Precious little dog
Before I'd let myself starve

Pop culture died off
but media executives
were pretty attached to that horse
and they have one hell of a swinging arm
they got their bats, paddles, batons, and fists
and they really let that horse have it
breaking bones and crushed organs
a pool of blood held by gravity
rests lazily in a bloated stomach
and after the melee is all over with
all we are left with
are shoes and reality t.v. shows
what an achievement

These chattering fingers
are the only things which keep me sane
they stave off the tide of madness
which is never too far away

These pretty faced girls
are the only things keeping me nice
they stave off the loneliness
even if only for a night

These chemical pit stops
are the only things which keep me going
they stave off reality
and all of the ugliness that comes with it

These ****** poems
are the only things which keep me connected
shattering the isolation
an ocean of blank faces to vent at

the grayness has a way
of coming from the sky
and seeping into the earth
the dark clouds which never produce rain
casting a shadow over the world
the city streets and buildings are overwhelming
the buildings reach up like fingers from the ground
trying to touch the face of God
it was gray today
but it won't be tomorrow

You said you loved me
I said I loved you too
So that's it right?
End of story
they all lived happily ever after
except not really
the miles between us
care little for
teenagers who think they are in love
It has been jaded by too many
psuedo-Romeos and Juliets
Who get all caught up
in idealistic notions of love
but **** the road
we aren't like them
we are true
and we are strong
aren't we?
and I would bridge the gap
there's nothing keeping me here
except my signature
on the lease of my apartment
and of course
I love this city
and I think living in Harrisonburg
would only end up with my suicide
but some times I just think **** it
who's stopping you
even if everybody says it's a bad idea
isn't that what being young is all about?
making really dumb decisions?

I moved to this country
when I was thirteen or twelve years old
My Dad was semi-proud, semi-sorry
"I've been promoted...
the only thing is we have to move to America"
but all of my friends
but then again... it might not be raining all the time
but I'll miss the rain
don't lie
okay but where in America?
".... Richmond, Virginia."
where?
What state is Virginia in?
"It is a state, near D.C. - the head of the south"
oh great the south,
it was like moving from a farm village
filled with fat xenophobic racists
only to move to an even bigger farming village
filled with fat xenophobic racists
"Well you don't have much of a choice."

So we went on a pilgrimage
to the land of slavery, cowboys, and McDonald's
they didn't have a monarchy
but there were a lot of kings around
JFK airport wasn't much
compared to London
and the traffic down from DC
was absolutely ridiculous
This many people can not possibly
find use out of a truck
why so many traffic lights
and raised cars
We got lost
and drove through a DC ghetto
where I saw TV depictions of "The streets"
for the first time up close
quick close the windows
drive drive drive
We made it to Richmond
in the dead of night
and even then
the skyline across the James
was like low hanging stars
and in the mornings
the James looks like a scene
from a Jack London story
and now I've been here for almost seven years
and the place has grown on me
it's a good balance
of obnoxious redneck republicans
and obnoxious hipster democrats
and some of the prettiest landscapes I've seen
and yeah I'll take Richmond on a summer day
over any other city
Because RVA creates
is on every street light banner
and the feeling permeates through the city
like electricity in the air
making your hair stand up on end
as if to say
Welcome to Richmond

Let'***** the road
my partner in crime
lets load up our guns
burn our I.D.'s
and hop on the first
freight train headed south
to Mexican tequila
and the baking sun and sand
living life in flashes of violence
like lightening pitch forks in the sky
streaking across the barren places
which are yet to be tamed by man
we'll gun down sheriffs and posses
and **** cheap mescal
and gulf water
and dust
keeping each other safe
in the low din of the early morning
as an orange fire flickers against
burning out to embers,
so vulnerable to the wind,
against all odds still burning
and we will wake before the sun
and find somewhere
where we no longer
feel the need to run

Users and abusers
come one and all
there is a freak show
down in the glass house
winos and crack heads
coke freaks and nitrous suckers
acupuncture skin punctures
and candy land pill poppers
*** heads and shroom munchers
users and abusers
one and all
come on down to church
in the basement of the glass house
wet your tongue in holy water
and revel the gospel of our lord and savior
(Insert dead pop culture icon here)
and don't forget to pay the tithe
to mother superior

Introverted tendencies paint the scene
free to think only when locked away
cold to other people,
distant even when close
a lifetime spent close to the chest
hanging on to
an isolation flotation device
dragged to endless parties
to stand people watching
in the corner
family asks questions of depressions
and are met with "okays"
I would go out and play
but I have some things
in my own head
which I have to take care of first

he is a robotic man
clad in a suit or iron
which is the only thing
anchoring him to this place
foot steps leave dents in the ground
huge heaving strides
a step with a purpose
cold to the touch
filled with dangerous mechanisms
only vulnerable on the inside
but nobody can crack the plating
pulled by magnetic fields
He is lifeless
tight like a nerve
charging up passionate energy
which comes out in laser beam explosions
a sentinel
less human with every sunset
he puts mankind
in his cross hairs
and opens fire
an Iron man
who was once
simply,
just a man

I think that sleeping with somebody
(I actually mean sleeping)
Is so intimate
Because,
Your partner
Could wake up
In the middle of the night
And **** you,
But you trust her
Not to

stop taking things
so seriously
I mean,
I'm seriously serious
don't be
seriously serious
about anything
beause when it all boils down to it
nobody will remember
if I forgot the C in because
in some dumb poem

A rabbit walks into a brothel
after surveying the place
from every ***** corner
to every strangely clean counter top
he noticed
that there was no women in the place
only children
confused,
He asked the manager about this
to which he replied
"Silly Rabbit
Tricks are for kids"

Writer's block
does not exist
if you are a writer
then you can always write
and you always will write
writer's block
is just a convenient excuse
for when you are too lazy,
defeated,
preoccupied,
sad,
and you know what?
when all of that is coming down on you
all you need to do
is take a deep breath
shut up
and write