call this college drop out a cab
to take him back to the good path
and find some gauze to stuff that mouth
because it's full of too many
**** its
but the thing is
it's easy to worry about the things which don't matter
when you're searching for a reason for the spawning of your matter
and I've never had that problem
I used to wonder why I wasn't born
some poor African kid with a bloated stomach and a war lord
then I figured that it's because I'm real freaking lucky
but it's funny
to see so many people
hopping around like bunnies
worried about the fight between what's good and evil
when all I'm thinking is
holy mother of God
that girl has a nice ***
or Jesus Christ
is it really four O'clock already
I think I sold my soul
not to the devil
he's a real *******
I think I sold it
to the people born in the shadow of the hill
because they really could use it
then again
I probably just dropped it in the toilet
when I was taking a ****
so ***** my soul
and ***** yours too
because we are all about to die
in the grand scheme of things
and nobody one hundred years from now
will probably ever say
*at least he had a good soul

from the times when we lost the ball over the hedge
and had to ask for teacher's approval
past the days sneaking onto the farm
performing hay bale removal
running away from angry farmers
and school dances
those moments you heart catches
in your throat
before you ask
you wanna dance or something?
from the times your heart rate was thumping
from this sinking ship we're all jumping
first drink is never the last
everything is so rosy when we are looking back
pained goodbyes
and times spent laughing
flying across the world
to the sound of dull clapping
new weather new school new friends
torn pages and books that don't end
public school and private
mountains we haven't climbed yet
and a new set of smiles
fading all the while
while we become someone we haven't yet met
try hard not to get scared and jet set
changes and pretty girls
all alone in the world
just like everybody else
the book shelves
we never built
and the schools we never graduated from
we all put these lyrics in our songs
cracked bongs and braces
all to say I loved you if you ever loved me
we turn the pages so fast
that we lose some moments
but others are burned into our eyes
like the stage lights which burned so bright
even when the pictures fades to sepia
or black and white
we have blank leaves left to leave behind
and the camera around our necks is only so heavy
because it's full of film
so crack a smile
and grab a friend
family
lover
stranger
enemy
and show your good side
and scream cheese
from the top of your lungs

******* hoodies and stained jeans
rank socks and two day old underwear
get back from work
collapse into the couch
feeling the exhaustion creep up from toes to top
smelling like an ashtray
eyes red from carrying heavy bags
***** the cap on and catch it with the flame
smoke filling it up
raising a fish out of the ocean
three
two
one
mouth pushes down as lungs become acrid
hold it in until you float away
now exhale
the body high
paranoia
giggles
sink deeper into the couch
ride the waves back
until you can see land
then find the message in the bottle
it says
you're not done quite yet
empty clinking
no more thinking
head is reeling
no more feeling
face the ceiling
fall asleep on the sofa
wake up long enough to crawl to bed
at one in the morning
fall into the black brick wall of unconsciousness
alarm clock screams ****** ******
snooze just a little further
brush the dentals
ice cold water washes over a washed up face
climb in the car at seven fifteen
to go make enough money
to do it all again
we stay in this purgatory
waiting to see if we make the list
heaven on hell
without a soul to sell

Medicated through calming hushed tones
stating that everything is fine
everything is going according to plan
but in the back of my mind
I feel it pulsing
the feeling that what tides me over
is not going to last
and that one day
all of the smart choices in the world
won't save me from the serrated teeth
of the beast
which stalks us all
from womb to tomb
the cackling maniacal laughter
of an abomination set and ready to feed
on your mark
get set
flee
flee from the path which leads to slaughter
flee to safe havens of solitude
flee to the crowds
lose yourself
to the thrashing ocean
of accepting the free fall
the ground won't hurt worse than the sky

under all the beds
in every closet ajar
these things are very real
the thoughts suppressed
the last cold breath
the moment before death
the void between all things
all the green paper life rafts in the world
won't stop the blood from seeping into so many lungs
and one day
long after recess laughter
and birthday morning smiles
these things will dance under the harvest moon
they are drowning the children in the rivers of Madison Avenue
and shaping them to soldiers of the dull
shooting innocents point blank in the face
with pop-up ads
The fry cook king
laughing at the bloated corpses
holding up his monuments
a shadow will break through the clouds
and consume the flickering candles
waiting to go out
in the metaphorical cave

driving through traffic
knifing back and forth between lanes
flooring it to the end
slamming on the brakes before the cliff eats him
surrounded by other people
he quakes,
vision blurs,
blackens,
then red
with a sweep of his arm
he could remove them all
waiting for the time to come
when the walls they worked so *******
crumble into dust
lost in the sands of time
and the monsters on the outside
come in
and thin the herd
he waits for that moment
in dark apartment bedroom
or in smoking sections
and coffee shops across the land
that smile is the reaper's sickle
gums ******
stomach grumpy
eyes reduced to darkened slits
maybe one day
they'll forget what a day is
and he is patiently waiting
behind a camel and a bottle
he waits for the music of all things
to fade into a warm
comfortable
silence

The feeling was that of hide 'n seek
Breath slowling under a light layer of leaves
In shadow and foliage of some great tree
Not getting caught
I started smoking after the first cigarette I stole
Right under my parents' noses
That feeling of lightning ripping through me
That was what I was hooked on
Not getting caught