Shacked by my love for you
Forced to make you a memory

All I wanted was you in the bed next to me
Not for the just for the touching
But too for the loving. Letting and listening

Simply support
I wouldn’t extort
No you wouldn’t return it

Was it forget or neglect
Or Was it both without ***
In that I mean spirit, emotion  
X,y and z
soul scratching and searching

You would no longer choke me but
Scroll through your phone
Leave me alone whilst I was raw in your company

I was holding too long
On a feeling so gone

Forgot you were a coward

You wished to be my cowboy but
You couldn’t sit on the horse cos you lied
Lied to yourself what a horse was and bought a pony instead
Realising it wouldn’t endure cos you wouldn’t wait to afford a stallion

That would conquer a rebellion
Ride till the end of all days and give you all praise.
A living companion
All from a beginning price you fooled and left face for
Maybe in a different score
A different plane with roads and sky scrapers
you can buy the Ferrari  
cos you have all the money
From waiting and honesty just
for yourself
Not for the wealth, clout or the currency

Not with you currently
But hoped for a time where there is truth and no lies and I’m on a plane to the land of your love ready to be what we want to be.

I wish for my soul to shine through my skin

I still taste you on my lips
You were a king who hugged and kissed
I was robbed of my heart so big
I’m now a pauper who wishes she could give
I didn’t care about certain kinks and cracks
I just loved how you loved me back
I wish I could have given you all in my shack
But now I’m a pauper who needs time to get love back

A moment in time
A year of insanity
The artists unfortunate magnanimity

You were the limb that I longed for
A piece of soul I fell hard for
But in the end you selfish and cold
Made me twist my fingers to cut at the wrist
Cut of that much loved part of me I thought Had made me all complete

And I thought I was the *****
But I was pulling the stitch that you had sewn before the cloth was washed
matched and measured fit

All I wanted was for you to keep going
Sewing the stitch consistent and bliss until we could wash and measure it
No change of seam from you to me we would be one in synchrony
But you would barely defend that you were my friend and danced around something more
From my compassion I thought it was a lashing to tell you what to do with me
I hate begging a friend to love and mend my self as I would more than do for them
Funny I begged
I never would pledge my knees to the ground
But I grovelled in gravel under your hands that refused to lift me up
Where some how too busy to simply pull out the friend from meeting a blue end or a self drawn tragedy
Instead you let me grab your feet while you never moved a peep to realise you were never standing there
False stating your stance while you go and dance among other worthy subjects
So I let go each digit hoping you would still come as I could hear your voice in the distance.
My knees bleed on the floor and friends come out to draw a cloth and help me
I was unknown of the red because my eyes were bowed as my head begging a man who was never there
So sad to hear and gloomy to know
All because I fell in love with a boy

Wouldn’t you be pained and hurt and miss them
If it was my brother my sister
It would cut deep
I would cry in crimson
I would stomp and scream and shout
Because my blood has been taken out
No reason no sin no game no win
Just because of our darker skin

Like the sky is blue and my blood is red
God is God and creator of my head
Though there may be clouds and rain
Wind and hail the heavens remain the same cool deep shade of cyan
In the night I might forget and inside no less
But when the sun comes out and the curtains are raised the almighty’s name can’t leave my mouth
The truest colour and hue
There is none I can hide what I do because the Lord fruits only the truth which enriches
My mind body and soul
I have fears that I am not safe
That I am far from the tree shade of my blue skied deity
I ask and pray from thee for he and me
That we may be.
As you wish how you have painted
Grown and healed beyond repair
Please help
And stay
With me
I pray in your name
Jesus
And
To your
Will

Amen

Each floral petal of my heart is being plucked as each car drives by into the morning
All I wanted was to see you here
Why does missing hurt so much
I feel so helpless and of discard
Why isn’t time and effort on my side
This is not about ***
Not about money
All I want is to see your face and love you in body

My chest hurts
It feels worse
Please help the bleeding from within
Why does this hurt
I think I made it hurt
I have not cared for my being

I am the joke now
How to move now
Missing is the worst kind of sick
My soul cries your name and I can’t help it

Nobody wants to hire me
Simplicity is uninspiring
It cripples me
as above God and my family it is what enlightens me
The counting days inside has me unknown to who I live
I am shackled by the education I once loved to eat
Dressed in numbness
Drawing hopeless
Consuming loneliness
Somehow I'm still here

...

At least, the sun is shining
New love is trying
And my hair is whispering hope, wisdom and patience despite this

She taunts me with anxiety
Whenever I eat
Dribbles on my mind death by constriction and swollen lips
Tricks me into security and troubles me death
reminds my mortality is all mist
Can hista really save me
Will lance make a difference
In the end I might just take the poison
That convinces me of my end

So many signs you are well though we havent met
My pretty winged friend told me when he was sent

Deceived, we all are
Until we see the light and all the shadows are gone.

Now I know true brightness I often see others believe the shadows and shapes of what’s not there.

Funny how this world is made blind by the dark to pretend it is the light that stops them from seeing.

Now I see

I enjoy and bask in the true light and hold the linen bag with gratitude while the grains of time inevitably mists through peacefully.

Before I could not stand the sound of sand hitting the cold hard ground
I would ignore its appearance and trance past it by mentally muffling the noise.

I stand glad now that I can watch and listen content as each glassy piece dusts the floor and be satiated in my grip on that linen bag named life.

Karmic

When slumber is the closest thing I can grasp near death  
I remember how it seems best to end it all in times of cleft

-

Critters wrapped like lollies falling on my body from a ceiling created by hallucination and an unknown press

Where did they go.
Why can I now breath from my nose?
How can I now see straight and into my periphery?

Lies and lust
Acts and aesthetics

Sitting here cramped with confusion
Jumping to conclusions in the dumps of the worst

Surely not me
Not now
Not before x and y
I love you still
And do not regret the feels
But remember that this is a situation and a manifestation
responding to my desperate cry for the sensitivity of my soul
I am blessed to feel as though I have been spoken
And have the power to navigate
Educate and reciprocate emotions
I sit in empathies I have never cradled before

When you say it as it is
Unadulterated by what has been
The queer flavour is enriched and
Many layers come to fruit