It's 11:08pm
I'm sitting on the cold,
wet floor of my shower.
As each individual drop
of water hits my face
a new thought enters my mind.
It's now 11:34pm and
I'm still sitting on the cold,
wet floor of my shower.
Except now, the only
drops of water hitting my face
are coming from my eyes.
There's now millions of thoughts
rushing around in my head.
It's now 12:02am and
I'm finally in bed.
All of my thoughts are gone
and now I'm left with an empty mind.
With no thoughts left,
I think about how my day went,
and the day before that,
and the day before that.
I start thinking about it to much
and before I know it
I'm curled up in a ball,
crying once more.
There's a faint voice
in the back of my head
saying that each day will only get worse
and there's no reason to keep going.
It's now 12:57am and
that same faint voice
tells me to just end it all,
to go to my bathroom and
get all the pills I can find
and just make my life a memory
for those who knew me.
It's now 1:23am and
there's a new voice,
an even fainter voice,
telling me that each day will get better
and that right now is the last time
I'll ever feel like this again.
It's now 1:39am and
the other voice won.
I'm now lying on the floor
of my bathroom, unconscious.
It's now 6:30am.
My mom opens
the door to my room
to wake me up for school.
I'm not there so looks for me
in my bathroom.
My mom finds me on the floor
where I've lied in peace
for the first time in years since 1:39am.
I've become pale and my body is cold.
She puts me in her lap,
hugging me and crying, begging
for me to wake up.
I never did, and I never will.
The other voice finally won.