OFF
“why are you crying”
       -I don’t know-
greyscale world
biting thoughts
in my head
like white noise
Can’t turn it off.
What’s the point
if we all die
someday.
I’m not worth
your time.
I’m not worth
this breath.

ON
Laughing until my eyes begin to water.
Vibrant flowers catch my eye.
I said something awkward,
but it will be okay.
Life is meant to be enjoyed with the ones you love.
Living is worth my time.
This journey is worth my breath.

A nature scene memorialized
        in brushstrokes and pigments of color.

A painting to be hung on a wall
        and admired from across the room
There’s no longer a need to visit
        a habitat that is gone too soon.

While urbanization continues
       placing wildness behind the dollar.

The cool, clear babbling brook of crystal water fed by childhood’s innocence easily reflected the soft light of simple joys

Neon lights
Blasting sound bites
Are you pretty enough
Lose weight now
Shimmering clothes

These toxic wastes of existential effluents
Entered my stream of consciousness
Until the channels into my self-worth thickened with mud and fed the reeking skunk’s bath of self-loathing

Racing thoughts
Prevent sentences from forming
Instead I chew
On my cheek
Until it bleeds
The metallic taste lingering on my tongue a refreshingly devastating reminder of my continued humanity





Each stumbfumbling of words causes my pelvic floor to sink
I have no support
I’m a mess
I’m a puddle
Where there’s a bright yellow sign reading, “Caution, Floor Wet”
There’s me
There’s the puddle
There’s the mess

You approach my soul
You ignore the sign
Your kindness mops up the puddle
Your respect cauterizes the gashing cut of self hatred

Where there was once a puddle, there’s an egg
There’s life

The sharp jowls of your fierce devotion act as ****** to my self esteem
Holding it up through the turbulence of biting thoughts

Before the everythingphobic
Now the noneedforanyphobics
Your hand embraces my face as the softness of your lips sinks sweetly into my forehead
A weight drops

What falls away are the snake skins tattooed in scars unveiling the porcelain glow of new beginnings.

In the early morning
I feel a hand slowly caress
My body
I'm jolted awake
My body
Is still and cold
Why is my friend of 6 years
Touching me
I just wanted to sleep.
He is married
I just wanted to sleep.
Now I don't want friends
Is it safe to go outside
Every night when I
Lay on my side
I can feel his hand---
I just want to sleep.
Trust only leads
To hurt
I just
Want
To sleep

Oh, Desire. You red faced beast.
Your fiery tempest consumes my thoughts.
No matter how strong my resistance, the attempt
Is Futile.
Oh, Desire. Your power is unparalleled.
Not even Envy or Rage is worthy in your court.
Out of the Grand Spectrum you are the all-consuming
The Obsessive.
Oh, Desire. You have pervaded my every moment.
The very thought of Him is now intertwined with You.
The Two have become One. There is no more
Distinction.
Oh, Infiltrator of my whole Being, where is your mercy?
There is no end in sight.

We are souls that have met long ago.
I knew your smile before I first saw your face.
I felt the warmth of your laughter before I heard your name.
And yet, each day your familiar attributes are as
Thrilling as if we’d just met.
Old Friend. New Lover.
You are my comfort. You are my exhilaration.
What contradictions lie between our hearts.
A love that feels as old as the sun.
A love that acts as a new burning flame.
We are souls that have met long ago.