You don't see me dying,
and the part that kills me the most,
is that if you do,
you don't care enough
to try and save me.
So consumed by your selfish needs.
You don't even see you're tearing me apart.
You do this every time
and I can't take it anymore.
But I'm not fooling anyone.
I can't let go..
I remember times I couldn't bare to be apart.
Now far away is the only time I'm myself.
Im trying,
God I'm trying,
but I'm falling weak.
and you don't feel the need to stand up for me
when I have fallen down.
You say it all the time.
Every night and everyday.
"I love you."
These words that made me soar,
Now make me die a little every time.
Each and every touch
Like a deep slow slit across my heart.
And I am drowning in the hurt
pouring from the vein.
Please, oh please
spare me another fake apology.
I can't take it.
I really can't.
I need sincerity and a true difference.
I thought I might receive But now I see.
I won't get that here.
Not from this.. Not from you.
You use my love as your weapon
to drag me slowly into misery.
And I'm just waiting for the final blow.
My mind be a world.
Who's streets are cracked and broken.
Buildings,
walls, and all in between are crumbling.
There isn't any rain,
for I can not cry anymore.
Your cruel intentions,
a blazing fire.
To ignite my world;
then burn it till the end.
Burning and burning.
Flickering out into a spark.
The fire has settled
but hasn't left much.
What is left of me?
A burnt town of debris.
An abandoned hope rises into the streets.
Causing a distant whisper in the wind,
saying,
"Is there a soul to breathe life back into this shattered hell of a place?"
Wait, wait.
I shall keep this patience.
Until someone can take my hurt away.
May it be soon,
or days turn to eternity.
The most sad,
pathetic part is that I still long for it to be you
despite myself.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
How do I let this go?
Why is this pain the only thing the fire wouldn't melt away?
Swallow these feelings deep within?
Scream them in your face?
It wouldn't even make a difference.
I'm done trying to make you see.
I'm trying, God I'm trying to break free.
Release my heart from this death grip.
I was warned but didn't heed.
Now I find myself in this sea of despair.
What can I do without you here?
Exactly what I've done all along.
For I have always been alone.
I rest my head against that broken street.
Lying there, just lying there.
I'm trying, God I'm trying to feel again.
But there is nothing there.
A sharp pain disturbs this numbing.
I am blinded by this.
My eyes begin to focus
but all I can see is that broken street.
Yet, I can not see my body there any longer.
Am I alive?
Have I finally take the last shot?
Or am I simply caught in between.
In a state we call heartbreak?

Submerged in masses of rising water.
The gravity holding me captive tugs my weight downward,
Leaving the water victorious.
Struggling for air I emerge from the surface, gasping.
My body shooting signals of oxygen through my nervous system.
Not given enough time to reach my brain before I am sinking yet again.
There is still a fragile humming in my head.

Out of the darkness around me a merciful hand reaches.
Pulling me above.
Half unconscious, the events I do not recall.
Though I am being drug along by this being.
Towards shore I am to hope.
My trust has poured into this being for it is my last chance.
I feel my body regaining life as time passes by..
One. Two. Three. Four….
I am alive for what promises to be an eternity.
Then out comes the truth; it pours.

Every crooked lie and wasted minute is a rock on my insides.
I feel the hands grasp around my head, pushing me under.
To my surprise I am drowning in the deep
No shore in sight.
Submitting trust to a person is like letting demons whisper in your ear.

They will fill your head with an imaginary fate.
Until your falling.
You’re falling in love with this idea.
You wait, you wait for the day.
Anticipation twists your heart up tight.
They’ll promise. They’ll promise.
Seal it with their kisses.
Injecting you with their venomous poison.
Its killing you. Its killing you.

You’re to blind to fight.
Those promises are your dying wishes.
Wishes. Wishes
Trust is laced with demon kisses….

Don’t beg me, don’t cry for me, don’t feel anything for me.
Love shouldn’t make me feel guilty.
Love is a bond not a trap.
A feeling not a lock.
When at a point as this I’d rather feel your hate.
I’m sick of worrying my pleading will be too late

Don’t doubt what we know was real.
Love grows slow
But with a rise
Always comes the demise
I’m hiding from my fear
I don’t wanna believe these threats are real

Don’t think I’m heartless
Just ‘cause I can’t feel
You can blame yourself
For creating the past
That robbed that ability from me
I just wanna be free.

Clear is the rain that falls on the worst of days.
Like a teenage girl falling in love, it can only fall.
Mess with what it stands for
and its razor sharp edges will become clean crisp cuts to your ego.

Rain that pours in lines and patterns
-Not in nature’s straight lines of perfection.-
Can pour reality into your soul, make you see what I could not.
Protect and preserve the fragile hearts of ones she cares for.
They will not end up like her.

The transparent burst of hope carried in by the wind,
Trying to breathe life back into the shattered world that is her mind.
Clear was the honest warnings she subconsciously heard but failed to heed.
Clear was the patronizing, “I told you so.” In the back of her mind.
The translucent shade that was her nightmare,
Now prevails to be her one and only dream.
It has saved her, it has made her.

Looking at him
The haze disperses
Piercing the fog
With that incandescent smile
bringing light into my daily life
When I say what I feel
The message is misconstrued
tilted out of proportion
I say I am lucky
Not to degrade myself
Or to suggest that he is superior
But to vocalize the fascination I have
When I think of where we were
To where we are

Little streams of light
sneak past the curtains.
Early Sunday morning.
My internal alarm blares.
Conflict brews in my mind
Rather to wake
or fall back into sleep.
The smell of coffee
taunting my senses.
And sights of you
intriguing my interest.
Where we will be today
I am not sure
It's generally a mystery.
Though your presence
Is a feeling of immense comfort.
I long to feel your touch on mine
So I rise without discontent
And let the sun break trough the shades.

I fear sometimes,
I need reminding.
That not every person
Is intrigued
by the insignificance that excites me.
The things on my mind
roll off my tongue.
No contemplation
of my words.
I fear sometimes
I'll never be quiet.

Every insignificant choice
leading me down another long and winding road.
From the shaking of my hands and nervous tremble of my voice
to the long over due release of a heavy load.
From when my hands were tied
to when my touch met yours.
One thing stays the same
no matter the path I choose.
When I was intensely sad
or unavoidably alone.
You were always around
reminding me of the good I never had.