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Looking at him
The haze disperses
Piercing the fog
With that incandescent smile
bringing light into my daily life
When I say what I feel
The message is misconstrued
tilted out of proportion
I say I am lucky
Not to degrade myself
Or to suggest that he is superior
But to vocalize the fascination I have
When I think of where we were
To where we are
Early morning sunlight sparkles through my window
Awakening the girl hiding in my body.
The girl that used to be me.
I’m afraid she is too far lost to be found.
Walking with an unfamiliar weight.

A reflection catches my eye.
A reflection that used to be mine

This abandoned body and lost eyes.
couldn’t possibly belong to the girl whose soul used to fill every crevice of this hollow shell.
I peer into these eyes.
Looking for a sign of who I used to be.

Early morning sunlight sun light sparkles through my window
What used to be so warm upon my skin
Now seems so cold.

Am I really what they think I am?
Submerged in masses of rising water.
The gravity holding me captive tugs my weight downward,
Leaving the water victorious.
Struggling for air I emerge from the surface, gasping.
My body shooting signals of oxygen through my nervous system.
Not given enough time to reach my brain before I am sinking yet again.
There is still a fragile humming in my head.

Out of the darkness around me a merciful hand reaches.
Pulling me above.
Half unconscious, the events I do not recall.
Though I am being drug along by this being.
Towards shore I am to hope.
My trust has poured into this being for it is my last chance.
I feel my body regaining life as time passes by..
One. Two. Three. Four….
I am alive for what promises to be an eternity.
Then out comes the truth; it pours.

Every crooked lie and wasted minute is a rock on my insides.
I feel the hands grasp around my head, pushing me under.
To my surprise I am drowning in the deep
No shore in sight.
Submitting trust to a person is like letting demons whisper in your ear.

They will fill your head with an imaginary fate.
Until your falling.
You’re falling in love with this idea.
You wait, you wait for the day.
Anticipation twists your heart up tight.
They’ll promise. They’ll promise.
Seal it with their kisses.
Injecting you with their venomous poison.
Its killing you. Its killing you.

You’re to blind to fight.
Those promises are your dying wishes.
Wishes. Wishes
Trust is laced with demon kisses….
Its hard for me.
you question my impatient sighs.
I don't mean to lie to you
but the truth is unfair

I can tell you I'm tired
or my mind is stretched over other things
but honestly I'm sick

This knot in my stomach
is a product of an image.
of you before me
of her hand in yours
of your lips on hers.

its hypocritical and sad
I've done the same
if not more.
Though, that won't put this thought to rest

Be patient with me
i know its unfair
just know that this fear
is a product of an image
of what i might lack

tell me I'm  good enough
its something i need to hear
its a need that i feel in the deepest the parts of me
a longing
something I'm reaching for
Something I've never attained.

— The End —