I love you, but I won’t have you.
I can’t have you
Even if I wanted to.
And I do, yet I don’t…

Why is this so complicated
And so confusing?

You’ve met all the criteria on my list,
You’re that ideal guy.
And as other guys come along,
I see myself comparing them to you.

You’re my best friend

I sometimes wish we could be more,
But then I remember.
I value what we have right now too much,
To throw it all away for a few romance induced months.

I haven’t had those feelings for a long time,
Yet lately they perk up here and there.
Not when you do anything unlike you,
But that’s just it; You’re being you.

That’s what I admire about you

You say let’s just stay friends
It hurts, but I know you’re right,
Because deep down, I know it’s what I want too
But hearing you say it still hurts.

With you, I can see the long term

When I’m with you,
I feel safe
I feel comfortable
I feel like myself.

And if I wasn’t so scared of losing you,
I’d probably go for it.

Though I’ll never say it to your face,
I love you.
I have,
I will,
I can’t stop,
Even if I wanted to.
But the thing is,
I don’t want to stop.

Everyone has something to hide,
Monsters.

Each monster is unique in his own way,
They come in different shapes, sizes, and colors.
But we still don’t like them

We shove these monsters under our bed,
And hope to God nobody finds them.

We let anyone into our room,
But we never let them look under the bed.
Don’t even let them get close to the bed,
Signs that a monster lives there will appear.

For if that were to happen,
They’d see the darkest parts of our souls.

We assume that everyone is scared,
Scared of our monsters.
Which is why we conceal them so well

If we’re not careful,
Someone will discover what is under the bed
And that in itself is a nightmare.

“You have to go back”
Is what she tells me.

I want to fight back.
I want to scream at her for all the reasons why

Going back there makes me want to:
Scream
Cry
Throw up from anxiety
Curl up and die

You don’t understand,
I can’t go back to that place.

I have never felt this way about a place before,
And I can’t quite put my finger on it
But I know that it makes me crazy.

I can’t go back.
Please don’t make me go...

Arriving at the event,
His words replay in my head:
“Don’t be shy, be polite,
And just act like a normal person.”

Excuse me, what did you just say?
Act like a normal person?
Who the hell are you to talk to me like that?

How does one act normal?
There’s no such thing as normal.

I think I know what you mean,
But you didn’t use the right words.
You say “act normal” but you really mean
“Blend in, be white noise, don’t stand out.”

How dare you tell me to ‘act normal’.
I want to be many things in life, but normal isn’t one of them.
I want to be brilliant, beautiful, loved, successful,
Talented, joyful, charitable, selfless.

I want to be so many things in this big world,
But normal is not one of them.
I refuse to accept to blend into the crowd.

I’m not normal.
I’m just me.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Fairy tales are simply fantasies created from people who want a better world

Where the biggest concern is who is the fairest of them all

Wondering when Prince Charming will arrive

Fairy tales are always predictable,
With the same cookie cutter endings

But life is no fairy tale,
It's much more complicated

If only life were that simple,
But the truth is, it's not

Not everyone gets a happy ending,
Even if you're one of the good guys

Fairy tales are just an escape from reality

It comes and goes in waves,
Her feeling of longing.
She stays lost in thought of him,
While he remains oblivious.
So many feelings buried within.
Ease. Casual conversation, making jokes.
The appearance of two people connecting.
A beautiful child asking for the man
She calls daddy, crushing another’s heart.
He has his reality,
There’s no room for her in it.
In failed attempts to move on,
She’s scared to move forward.
I can’t seem to escape. I’m stuck.

You’re the first person I look for in the room,
When I see you, my heart skips a beat,
The butterflies appear in my stomach.

Stealing glances at you when you aren’t looking,
And looking away when you do.
Smiling at your smile,
Heart stopping when our eyes meet

You’ve probably never even thought of me,
At least not outside of school.

I don’t even know you,
But boy do I want to.

If you only knew that I think about you everyday,
Even when you probably don’t know my name.

Technically I’m single,
But my heart is taken.
Seeing you makes my day;
It’s what I look forward to.

I always get self conscious about the things I wear,
Just in case you notice me today.
Whenever I smile or laugh,
I try to look and see if you noticed.

If only you knew...

Her insides grew fuzzy as he spoke her name,
He always brought a smile to her face.
Her heart melted each time she saw him,
Especially when he flashed his dazzling smile.
From the moment she first kissed him,
She was lost in a deep trance.
Captivated by his dark brown eyes,
She saw the life she’d always imagined:

A man who loves her,
Accepts her for who she is
And all she has been through.
Loves each and every scar,
Physically, emotionally and mentally.
Will always stand by her side,
Do everything he can to provide for her.
Always finds a way to make her laugh,
Notably through the bad days.
Someone to create a family with,
No matter the challenges it may bring.
She is finally safe. She can breathe,
For she is in love.

This time, his eyes are empty —
The only thing staring back is misfortune.
Those beautiful eyes are telling her goodbye,
Just when she thought her search was over.
In this moment her heart shatters,
Leaving behind a gaping hole.
Despite her numerous efforts,
The void he created cannot be filled.

Will she ever find such compelling eyes again?