I remember winter, when we first met
at the coffee shop in town. How could I forget?
I didn’t think you were interested,
even though you sent the message.
Stayed on your phone, barely said a word
while I tried to get your attention by being absurd.
I felt like there was something just beneath the surface
but I couldn’t quite tell just what it was.
As the weeks passed, you’d open up a little.
I tried so hard to hide how you made me so brittle.
And when you kissed me at the library, I remember trying to hide my smile
because I was so happy, and your beard tickled. I was so glad to be worth your while.
You played Sufjan Stevens and held my hand real tight
when we went to our spot for the first time that one night.
Then the next day, you threw me away.
I guess you were scared, didn’t trust me, and I didn’t know why. It drove me crazy.
For three straight weeks I didn’t see your face
and I was so depressed, thought I had been replaced.
You blew me off, so I moved out to Little Rock.
Tried to run away, but I can’t seem to ever forget you.
So, I came back, and then you left me again.
Said you thought we should just be friends.
And then summer blossomed and you came back around.
My heart was ablaze with the joy I had found.
So many summer nights with you in the passenger’s seat;
I never could ask for a memory more sweet.
Summer changed to fall and I didn’t see much of you.
Kept sneaking kisses in your kitchen, out of your parents’ view.
Fall turned to winter and you were out of reach.
Our fighting got worse, used mean words in speech.
So here we are again, and we’re back to Spring
and you have lost all faith in me.
Thrown our love to the curb, forgot about the memories.
And now here I am, crying on my knees
because you won’t try, won’t even believe me
when I say that I’ll be everything you need.
But don’t you see?
These good and bad memories still aren’t enough
and it’s not that you leaving is just tough.
I can’t forget you or even move on if I tried
because you are, without a doubt, the love of my life.

I will be waiting. Even if it means I wait forever.

so, friends, where do we begin?

all the walls were closing in

my air supply was waning

and all the lights were fading

spun out so fast, I lost control

and in delirium, lost all hope

in my despair

I was gasping for air

looked into his eyes and saw nothing there

I’m so confused

been thrown for a loop

was doing all the wrong things and didn’t have a clue

I felt alone when you left me hurting

didn’t think anyone cared about my weakness

wouldn’t try to fix it

wouldn’t try to listen

but it was all my fault, and now I’m buried alive

under the weight of my regret and strife

keep praying to the heavens to give us some guidance

digging and digging, in search of some light

forcing out the thoughts of how I wanted to hurt myself

but for a long time, I realized, I’ve already been dead!

going through the motions, walking around like a zombie

but if anyone will listen, I swear that isn’t me

I lost my mind, no excuse, but it’s the truth, you see

I’m sorry to all the loved ones I have hurt, especially you

just got consumed with all the bad things I was going through

I never meant to be selfish, never meant to be a coward

just lost my way without knowing I had the power

to hurt you, I thought you didn’t care that much

wanted to feel your love, but couldn’t with all the fighting & such

I blamed you for it, I was wrong and bitter and broken

and blinded, didn’t realize what the toll is

I’ve pushed many away, think I lost the person I love most in the world

all by my own stupidity, but I’m gonna fight, no matter what life hurls

the curve *****, I’ve got em

I won’t cry anymore

I’m gonna piece myself back together and try to reset the score

I won’t give up on you, or on me

I’m gonna pray real hard and beat this illness, you will see

and even though you don’t have a reason to, trust me

because from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry

so while I’m giving you space, I’m gonna figure things out and get my life straight

no more drama no more fighting

just my love for you, the way it should be

so to my family and my friends and even you,

I’m gonna find hope, and I’m gonna find that light

gonna swallow my pride and have some insight

I’m gonna get better, gonna be alive again

and you will no longer have to miss your friend